Just done with our Supervisory Development Course (Track II)... And it was nice learning and having so much realization.
Anyway, I think it's almost been a year since the Head of our Agency told me that it seems that our Division is not functional. Still, it cuts so deep. In my entire working life, that's the most painful words I've ever heard... And honestly, it still makes me cry every time I remember. Is it valid or am I overreacting? It was mentioned in front of the other supervisors during our meeting, I was so hurt that I couldn't defend myself and I was so ashamed coz no matter how I tried to hide my tears on that very spot, they went out obviously... Everyone saw me crying... And I even burst out when I reached the office in front of my subordinates... I felt so ashamed... Now, that's the most embarrassing experience that I felt my self-esteem stumbled down.
I'm not mad at the one who told me that... Because he's the Head of the Agency, he doesn't know what my team was going through so it seems that we are not functional... No one defended me. I felt helpless.
Of course, the Head of the Agency only sees the outcome and not the process. He's right it seems that we are not functional during that time. But what hurts me is I was not able to defend myself. The process to attain what should be achieved wasn't easy, I have limited manpower & resources, I was new, so many things to be done... And God knows how I tried my very best to be efficient and effective. Every day was so stressful... And no one knows that!
Now, I'm still trying. I'm still hurting. And I have no one to express how I feel right now.
I'm okay anyway, Alhamdulillah.
