Here I am again feeling useless again... but am I really not? I’m sorry to say this but I’m nonsense.. just let me say these words to lessen the burden upon my heart.. Do you know how does it feel when you know exactly that you are doing the wrong thing? But you cant do nothing about it because you’re so damn weak and idle.. you tend to blame others for you mistakes... You find reasons just to cover the wrong you did....or even act helpless so they would pity you... I hate that kind of person, so that would mean I hate myself.........Everybody hates me now... I cant blame them, I even hate my self......... guilt would kill me..... I dont even do ways to correct it because I have no courage... I curse my self for hurting the people I love.... I am nothing, I contribute none but pains and frustration to others... I just turned twenty five, accomplished achievements that no one would be proud of..... so, it wasn’t achievement at all... but failure... what a loser! Hahaha... O, well... I almost forgot, I’m a civil engineer........... yes, a jobless civil engineer!! Very pathetic.. haha... at least janitors are working........ o, sorry, conscience is throbbing here, be at least thankful... well, I am.... I’m so sorry being this way... I dont even like it, see, I despise my very own self??? I know... I know..... love my self first so I can do better things... so my mind will be lighten.... but how?? ........ My existence is a mess to some.... But ofcourse, suicide is another very big sin...... the other life is my only chance.. But, with this kind of atittude, do I have the chance......? Even writing this down is already a sin..
What shall I do now, when I dont even have the guts to do what I ought to do...? How can I conquer this frailty.... what if I’m naturally the bad one? The villain........ What if, my purpose here is to cause torns to some? Ahhhhh.... What ifs!!!! ....free me........ I’m sorry....
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