Just one of life's hardest times

As you grow old, you couldn’t exempt yourself in savoring the hardest things in life, one in that list is falling in love to someone you must not fall to… lets call that, the forbidden love. Because you are trying not to break the law, you rather choose to break your own heart.

 You could hardly breath, you could only cry at night to at least respire what suffocates you inside. You could only see him, listen to his voice, feel that stupid smile in your face when he looks at you but you can never say what you really feel about him. You couldn’t tell him how much you appreciate even the paper roses he gave you, nor the small pack of sugar he teasingly gave you—you could only ask him what are those for, though what you really want is to thank him and keep those silly stuffs.

You could only pretend that his existence doesn’t affect you at all when the truth is you don’t want him out of your sight. You would keep the wrapper of a one peso worth chocolate he gave you.You wouldn’t delete even the mindless message he sent you, but you couldn’t let him know any of those.

You could only watch him run his own life, see him fall to someone else while you are devastated, you couldn’t do a single thing, you never had the right to, you couldn’t oppose, you couldn’t fight, you could only cry your heart out!

And when he gets back to you, while his heart breaks too and he’ll ask for your friendship, you couldn’t yell at him, you couldn’t tell him that you hated him too somehow for breaking you heart , you would wanna curse yourself when you realized you are actually trying to comfort him.

You would love to spend few moments with him but your mind would want you to run away. Your mind will dictate this “stupid, don’t get used to it, you know this wouldn’t last for long, and when that happen, swear you gonna tear your heart into pieces all over again”

But your foolish heart will interrupt  and will tell you this“ it doesn’t matter now,  I know you’ll gonna lose him soon, but whether you distant yourself from him or not, still you’ll gonna break your heart, just gather memories of him so you’ll have something to look back someday, you must be happy even for a while….”

Now, are you having the same tough times? Or this girl I knew is the only one who’s into this…. I wish I know what to tell her.. I wish I could help her ease away the hurt she’s into.

But everyone is facing life's challenges, maybe this one goes to her.