Stuck!

I think my being indecisive is about to kill me now.  I’ve been thinking about this since I started working in my present company, that was three years ago and I’m still stuck in here.

To quit my job or not?? So this is some sorta pros and cons huh??

Am I cursed? Its always happening, my closest friends are always leaving me, yes, not just once but many times, I’m always left behind. And its happening again, two of my special friends are about to quit, and it breaks my heart, these people are just one of those few reasons why I can still manage to smile despite my hectic schedule (corny ba? Hehe).. That’s why I’m being baffled now, shall I go too?

I’m staying because I told my boss that I get to finish the project till next year, I don’t wanna disappoint him. I’m staying because I haven’t finalized a decision yet whether I should go home –( I don’t think a nice job is waiting for me there) or I should go abroad—I’m thinking of Singapore too where I have lots of friends there (but Singapore is having a strict policy now on their employment process, that means it would be  risky, I might end up penniless and go back to my parents for financial assistance ). I’m staying because I hate adjustments, I’m having a hard time mingling with other co-workers if I transfer (introvert ako e), I’m already at ease with almost everyone now at the office. I’m staying because I’m having my own money here, it wasn’t that catchy but it couldn’t starve me at least. I’m staying because being part of a high end project up to its last touch is an honor. Being here make me feel that I am important.

On the contrary, here why I should go. Honestly, I think I’m no longer happy here…  I’m feeling tired. I dreaded waking up on Monday. I leave the office always late, .. I’m overly busy I’m forgetting my life, I mean it’s like I’m forced to be workaholic, I don’t think its normal, it seems like 90% percent of my life is about my job, I don’t even need to be working too hard! , I don’t think I could have a long vacation because of my new position… How can I go home ? How can I fulfill my dreams of travelling? I got no time! I couldn’t even check flight schedules! Time is running so fast I might not notice my hair is turning white. Aren't we working inorder to live, to be not bored, to get what we want? I think I'm gonna die overworking!

Here’s more, I can go now because I think I have enough knowledge of what I ought to know about my designation, life is too short to wait for myself get rot in here. I must not get contented in what I’m being paid of , do I deserve that anyway? I still couldn’t build my own dream house (do I have one?), I still couldn’t afford a car(as if I know how to drive), when I get home, I still have to live at my parents place, ride at their cars, and the lot they gave me is still arid and empty. What I’m trying to say is, If I wanted to be rich than I shouldn’t settle for this—lifestyle here in Manila is expensive!

O my! So which is which?? Why am I not a drafting a resignation letter yet.. Somebody help! O God, help me, clear my mind, show me the right path.

(P.S- of course this post is hidden to most of my officemates) ;)