To The Love of my Life

Hey... maybe I am crazy for writing a letter to someone I'm not really sure who... but I had this feeling that someone somewhere deserves this.

This is for the love of my life who's gone for long and may never find his way to me.. I was just lying when I told other people that I'm better off alone, that I wanted it this way, that I can live without you, of course I can, It would be lonely sometimes though I know  I can-- but at some corner of my heart, I wanted you to be there.

I don't know if you aren't coming yet or I have lost you already.. I'm sorry if I'm really that hard to find, that I don't look for  you, i waited, maybe I am waiting at the wrong place, I always had this thought that you'll find me anyway no matter what, I guess I filled my mind with lots of fairy tales, maybe I should be the one to look for you, but I am not. Or maybe I'm just too coward to let you walk out of my life without knowing it...

I wonder how you doing right now... I wonder if I cross your mind somehow... would you like me too?? I'm ugly, I'm not that smart, I'm boring, I have a lousy sense of humor, I'm weird, I'm a dreamer (dont fall inlove with a dreamer right?), I'm turning you off already... maybe that's why you can't find me.. you might not know anything about me anyway, you wont know that I care for you.... this letter might not even reach you.

I hope your'e having a good life even you'll never ever find me... I will try too, though I may never walk with you along the beach and watch the sun sets, I may not try dive and swim with you into the sea (i hope you know how to swim because I can't), I may not walk into the rain with you or watch the stars at night,  I may not try being lost with  you in a strange place we've never been, I might not get the chance to hold your hands and touch your face, I might not experience to just stare at you and look into your eyes the whole time as if I wont get tired doing that, I may never watch you sleep, I may not try conquer my fear with you and do things I don't usually do, I may not try laugh out loud with the silliest jokes with you, I might not see the look in your face when you find out that I messed my cooking or I don't brush my hair, I may not try fighting against all odds with you, I may not grow old with you and we may not hear each other  say "I love you"....  I'll still wish us a happy ending.. with or without each others presence.

Somehow, I wanted to be with you...  possible or not, God knows I wanted to...

Maybe not for now, or maybe not ever...

So can we try harder to find each other??

I'm such a hopeless romantic right? Surely it will scare you, you wouldn't want to see me...:)

Love,

A