Every time I leave our apartment everyday, some thoughts keep on bothering me, I was like thinking of getting tired of this everyday routine, leave home early for work, then work, eat, then a quick stroll somewhere then home again.. I told myself, am I not getting tired of doing same thing everyday?? this is too dull.. At this age, I should be dreaming big, actually "dreaming" is not the appropriate word, but "working" for something big, something with sense, like having my own house and own car??.. Honestly, I wasn't thinking of that when I was younger.. I was both dependent and independent at the same time... yeah, it's possible.
In my hometown, I'm living in an average kind of family. We have our own house, family service, my parents have their own jobs, a small business too -- just enough resources to provide our everyday living , we aren't too rich but I never experienced starving (because I didn't have money) , never experienced requesting for promissory notes for my tuition fees and the sort ... maybe not everything, but I had what I needed most.
so, I didn't really mind striving so hard in order to live, maybe the reason why my sense of struggling so hard in earning" too much of money" wasn't developed because I didn't know how it felt to have nothing at all (maybe less but never gone zero. Hehe) and wasn't practiced to work too hard for money as well. I was contented with what I have.. and when I had my own job, I wasn't thinking of anything to save for , just my travels, I spend wisely naman (minsan hindi hehe) I'm not even materialistic... not even obliged to send money home (just If I want to).... I was totally fine with that.... until I reached this age!! All of a sudden I was bombarded with my own self questioning like, where was I all this time??? why I wasn't thinking well?... why I wasn't thinking of the future?? Why am I so stuck in here?? Why do I have to live in an apartment and commute everyday??? Why did I settle for this job?? I know I 'am capable (sana) of so many things but where did my guts go?
That kind of ranting consumed the time I was walking from our apartment to the main road about 50 meters or more .... then I saw this homeless couple.. I actually see them everyday there... and it always breaks my heart... then my complains turned to guilt.. I was ashamed.. What gave me the right to complain about my life instead of being grateful? Glad I was reminded... I must not let my midlife crisis outsmarts me... we wont live forever, and these earthly things will be gone as well.
8:04am
I must work now.
12:00nn
watching Aldub again.. addicted! Haha
Ang sakit sa mata at sa kamay tong ginagawa ko ha.. iniechos ko lang naman.. uuwi nako! But I'm still waiting for Margaux's message, she said this morning that they will jog at Ayala triangle this afternoon.. will I go?? But I think it will rain.. and pupusta akong di sila matutuloy.. haha.. syempre Negative ako... anong pusta??
7:10pm
Home!
8:09pm
Done watching this afternoon's Aldub's Kalyeserye, dami kong tawa.. It completes my day really.. haha..
Alden to yaya dub:" Aldub you."
Yaya dub: "MaAlden kita ."
haha! Corny ba?? Hayaan nyo na ako.. lam mo kase, crush ko na si alden before pa nagkaron ng Aldub... sya lang ata yung Filipino Male actor na crush ko! Haha.. because I'm into Korean or Japanese characters.. pati anime characters. Haha.. ew me!
8:19pm
I won!! Haha.. para akong tanga.., I've been so emo this morning, and now I'm being like this.
9:45pm
Mooncake! But I wasn't sure if its okay pa, because it's been on the ref since last week... my friends gave it to me as birthday cake, pampaswerte daw. Haha.. and a milk that was on the ref too since months ago. Two days maeexpire na sya! I bought it because I need to drink milk kaso ayaw ko nga talaga ng gatas kaya tumagal sya sa ref.. pero Good job to me, nainom kana.. haha
11:00pm
Good night!
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