April Fool's!!

Just got home and it seems that it's obligatory for me to post a blog on the first day of April... I'm actually feeling exhausted for this and actually I have really nothing to blog about but I have so much random emotions ....

So here I am again.. my words left unspoken to 6 different people.

1. I used to think that maybe that is just your way of managing your staff... I've heard negative feedback about you but I didn't really mind that, I don't wanna be judgmental, I'm trying to understand you not until yesterday. I was so upset with you. How could you suggest that stupid solution in solving the lapses or the problem of that certain department... shouldn't you be analyzing the cause of delay first?? Instead you are declaring the 14 to 16 hours working routine?? and you will issue a memo for that?? What's wrong with you? Disappointing! It shouldn't affect me since I'll be resigning soon but what about them?? I don't think that would be healthy and productive... you will only waste the company's money paying the people who actually couldn't work well, you are only stressing them... and even the electric consumption will be wasted too.. As for me, I don't really mind working overtime if needed and not because you told me so.... and what's mostly annoying is, you referred that particularly to those who are staying at the staff house...  I hope you know what "malasakit" means... or maybe I'm just too sensitive... sorry if I am.

2. I know or maybe you are proud of us, our team...  what we had in our previous project.. which kinda had that "system"  far from what we had now... and you want me to help  make things better here.. I'm sorry if I couldn't... I'm sorry if I'm losing my effort... I wanted to... not because I'll be leaving soon but because I'm not the right person to do it.

3. Yeah, I'm gonna miss you too.. no matter how you annoy me most of the time but I'm gonna miss you too.. thanks for the opportunity.. for being so good in calming my senses when I'm actually mad at you.. You're just so good at that.. I salute you.. how you manage things and your personnel is something I could look up to.. I could have leave you long time ago but I didn't.. see? How good I am in keeping my words..? I've been really fed up but I survived it.. we had a verbal agreement and I didn't fail you... so just let me go now..  don't make it so hard for me.. because  it's really hard leaving when seeing you and the others trying to stop me... I'll be happy and sad too because I'm so used to being part of that team.

4. I was thinking if I still hate you... I didn't want to but maybe I still do hate you. I'm sorry if I am... I was trying not to hate anyone... maybe I don't really despise you...  maybe you just hurt my feelings that deep I couldn't set things free.. swear I'm trying to let go of the heartaches you've caused me... and I'm almost there.. I wish you had talked to me.. not to patch things up because I know it couldn't be fixed.. but at least you could just say goodbye... was it really that hard to bid your farewell? I'm a loser too... but what you just did actually left me hanging on the middle of nowhere.. you made me chose between letting go and holding on... and I ended up on the hardest part.. not knowing which to choose.. ow, I think I'm just too stupid to admit that I actually know what to do but deep inside me, I didn't want to do it... I'm a fool..  I'm actually okay, sometimes I'm just being exaggerated...  I don't really care now.. I wasn't actually expecting that I could write this lengthy... I thought I have not much to say anymore about you... it clearly says that no matter how I forget things now, you're still there at some corner of my heart.... and I remembered you at this very moment because I needed to complete the list of the people I want to say my words left unspoken to. Be well.. never mind my ranting... just close your eyes and forget me and just be happy... coz despite how I say a lot of bad things.. I'm alright.. and I'm still brave enough to face our cruel fate..

5. I'm sorry for what I've said earlier.. I'm just upset.. I didn't mean to act childish... I don't know why its too hard for me to be composed when I'm being teased... Sorry again.

6. Despite these drama's I've said above... you are like my medication.. Remembering your face could make my heart race.. I'm still thinking what are you doing in my life now?? Are you a test to keep my decision in tact? Or you're a blessing to help me go on with my everyday at work... I could go absent... be late.. go home early but I don't want to because I want to see you.. How could you make my dull and upset mood into something beautiful by just seeing you almost near me? I don't know I'm going stupid.. anyway, I'll be leaving soon.. in case you don't know.. ofcourse you don't know.... you are really making it so tough for me... coz there's really something about you I'm afraid I won't be able to know. You will be missed...