6Nov16

I feel so uneasy!!! because I'll be travelling back to Manila tomorrow... It's work related and I don't wanna get back there anymore but I have to... Well, after a long process of deciding whether to take this job offer or not, now I'm finally taking it... It was my previous company who offered me this. So after the long stage of being "busy tambay", I'm back to work-- to be assigned here in Davao City --- Yes, that's why I accepted it, because it's almost home.

But what startled me is that they asked me in short notice that I need to go to Manila (hayst) for ten days! This is due to orientation ( since this project is different from my previous projects) and some sort of turn over from the previous cost engineer who is now assigned back to Manila... I told my new coordinator who happens to be my friend too that I don't wanna go back to manila, but later on I was convinced, I should be convinced! because it's part of  the job.

And why I hated being back there?? call me paranoid, but I don't want to see the confused faces  of my previous work mates why I 'm back?? haha..  After my previous Area Manager wont able to convinced me to stay a bit longer... After I told the President I wasn't happy anymore,, what if he'll see me there???  I need to practice my hiding skills when I get there.. haha..

Why I came back? It's not really part of the plan... i was even asked to submit an indefinite leave or to be assigned to Davao before my resignation, but I refused all of these.

Honestly, I don't wanna go back to work yet.. I'm still enjoying my niece and nephews company, ofcourse my whole family, ... I submitted an application to one or two government agencies at my hometown... but no one responded yet or maybe I wasn't able to answer their call... I have so many unanswered calls because I was busy looking after my niece.. I'm not really hoping anyway, I don't know anyone who could back me up... Some also suggested me to submit application there and there but I didn't... I guess I'm just really delinquent...

Until my friend called me to join DTM homes Davao... I told him I would think about it.. maybe it was one reason too why I didn't exert much effort in applying a job because I know I have this option... I even declined this due to some issues but I ended up accepting it.. well, I think I really to need to work again, I'm running out of savings, I need money for my travels... I must never rely on my parents... so that's why I'm back to work..

Wait, I haven't mentioned the idea of going abroad.. where I could get much money there.. it would surely be enough to afford me a European tour... I thought of next year but I think I'm too old for that... (yes, slap me for my buts)...  but the truth is, maybe I'm just envious of those who work abroad with same profession as mine... so I'm slapping my face now and tell myself.. "you don't have to be where anyone goes!!!"

And lastly... I'm not comfortable now because I'm gonna take the plane again.... I'm that someone who loves to travel but so afraid of flying. As per my readings ,the possibilities of accidents in the air is way much smaller than accidents on the road... The chances of getting hurt is bigger when you are on your way to the airport rather than being on the sky.... But still I couldn't get over of my fear..  so now, I'm telling myself to stop worrying, that I'll be okay... that when worst comes to worst, if it happens then it's meant to be... where ever we maybe... So if I tolerate myself with that morbid thoughts then I would be stock on the same ground, I couldn't get into my dreams.. SO HELP ME GOD.

(p.s  I must be terrified I made a  lengthy blog)