- When I was a little girl, I was diagnosed with some kinda of Heart Disease but later on it was cleared and I got well. (I hope so).. My parents were advised by my doctor that I shouldn't get into a situation where I would feel mad and depressed.. So it became an excuse for my brothers not to bully me, they must be so envious then! haha.. di kase nila ako pwede awayin... and I was even exempted in heavy task in our school, hindi ako kasama sa "cleaners of the day"... so my classmates might be envious as well..
In short, I was pampered when I was young... maybe I grew up that way.. yung walang mang aaway saken, walang pwedeng manakit ng damdamin ko! hahaha.. pero syempre, as the years passed by, narealized ko I am not exempted in the world's cruelness.
Anyway, that isn't really my point here... maybe that just contributed a little why I am so mean sometimes.. but I'm naturally mabait naman..
I could remember telling my father that I'm torn between these two persons inside me, the bad girl and the good girl in me----- which ofcourse I know the difference... and he always tells me to choose the good side... and I'm trying.
Mahaba yung intro ko pero I've got two incidents last night where in I have to win over the bad side of me.
I was on a jeepney, with my earphone on, yung katabi ko ang likot likot! kung anu ano hinahanap sa bag nya or sa bulsa nya... I wasn't looking at this annoying boy... pero napipikon na ako sa panay galaw nya.. then I finally looked at what's keeping him busy, then I realized he's looking for his money, pamasahe nya, suddently, I felt so guilty... lalo na't it took him ages to stop searching as if so worried that he couldn't pay.. Puno yung jeepney, kaya di na mahahalatang di sya magbabayad but he seemed not to consider that idea... I took off my earphone and about to start offering my help... pero the girl at the other side did it first, he paid for this boy while I felt so ashamed of my childish irritable act. My guilt pushed me to do something to pay off, so I asked him "hindi kana ba ulit sasakay? pagbaba mo sa inyo na?" I'm worried that he still have to take another mode of transportation and yet he didn't have any penny... but he shyly answered me that he's house is just where he would alighted.
Another incident is that, my auntie slept over at my boarding house because she will have a job interview here in DC for an overseas job opening (no problem about that), but she had two other women who came over too.... She just met them and yet she offered my room???!! I was hesitant at first. Knowing me, I don't like people invading my privacy especially people who are not related or closed to me... I'm not selfish, (or maybe I am) but I admit-- I'm not good at accommodating people.. There are some who maybe disliked me because I didn't like the idea of having visitors.. (Yeah, I know its not really nice, but I got my price, I have lesser friends)... and my place is a mess too! haha.. I'm working on it. So yun nga, when my aunt told me that, I've came up to random thoughts. What if they can't be trusted? What if they'll do something while we were asleep? Can you blame me? is it bad too be extra cautious? Pero nangyari na ang nangyari, they arrived, and they looked so okay naman, pero wala daw silang enough na pera para maghotel or something. In the end, none of my thoughts happened... sorry for being judgemental, it feels good to help.
So to sum it, I'm that kind of person who hates people too (mean right?)... I hate it when they look annoying ( even they are not doing anything to me), I hate it when they are so loud, it hate it when they are BAD! ofcourse.... but my heart easily melts when it comes to people na.... basta kawawa.
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