Breaking My Heart on the First Day of 2018

This feeling must be really something that I needed to write . Woke up early, just like my typical Monday Morning sickness strikes, indeed it's Monday and I have to travel back away from home today .. yes,on the first day of the 2018.

I'm feeling guilty since last night for feeling bad on how my life's current status. It hits me when one my friends success graced in front of me... I'm happy for her, she deserves it. But my heart seems to break like, I am so incomplete! What have I done? Did I waste my time, my life?

Honestly, I want to despise myself for feeling that way, I know shouldn't.

So here' to remind myself.

1. Stop questioning success.. it's not really measured on the property you acquire, the salary you are getting or any material possession... but it's about contentment. You must be happy with what is given to you and never question that. Remember, there are always people greater than you or even lesser than you. Mind your own business and stop comparing yourself to others.. Some opportunities may be showered to other people even they least expected it while what you want comes late or may never come, but there are things we called blessings in desguised, learn to acknowledge that.. Keep in mind, material things are not forever.. and so with life, so don't toxify it with insecurities, envy & grudges.

2. Lovelife. Who care's if you're becoming an old maid..?! (yeah, they though care, coz to some it's not normal and could be too lonely).. I know you've already tried to accept that but these people are ruining that confidence as if its so much to lose when you're single for good. But you have to be strong.. you don't have to push yourself too hard.. Leave it all to God. I know you didn't really pray for "the one" because you we're okay having your family, but now, maybe you could start praying for that...If no one's meant for you then it could be God's will, don't blame yourself, don't question your worth, maybe it's better that way.. There are other things in this world you could divert your life with, your niece and nephew.. and the rest of your family.

3. Why are they getting these and that, why can't I?? Why I'm not? What have I done wrong?--these are questions that always cause your anxiety. As what I'm constantly telling you, stop comparing yourself to others, life may appears  to be unfair, maybe it is really is, but you don't know what these people are going through, or what they have given up just to be where they are now. This can be be a tarnished statement, but some people may look happy outside but deep inside them they're struggling, some may not achieve ultimate wealth but are contented. We can't have everything but we can make use and be happy with what's served on our table... stop frowning on things you don't have.. Be ashamed of those happy people who have nothing. There so much to be grateful about, so stop acting there as if you haven't gone so far. Life is not a competition, you have your own story to play using all the resources God given you, stop complaining, be thankful instead.

4. BE BRAVE! I know you been really wanting to be courageous but sometimes you just end up crying. It's okay. You can be weak sometimes . Just don't let it eat the whole of you. Always dare yourself to overcome your fears. If you fail, it's okay. Just never lose your self.  Accept yourself, love yourself more than anyone else. Pretend to be strong if you can't really be one, its not fooling yourself, it's trying.

5. Few friends. You don't need too many of them..  and when they seems to forget you, don't hate them, don't think like you have lesser value just because they don't prioritize you. You must be independent. I don't want you to be that someone who rely much on other people.... they don't have obligations to you. Understand them even if they wont do the same. Always remember that not all people see and approach things the way you want it. Be that person that you are looking for.

6. PRAY HARD. Some will judge you as how you practice your faith, but still, hold onto HIM.

7. Trust yourself. As i speak to you. Your heart may still be in a burden but please let it go.