Japan, will I ever get there?

I don't usually write about the place I'm planning to go, afraid that I might not make it, I would feel frustrated.

So, that's it I'm really desperate to go to Japan.. maybe watching a lot of anime movies recently just triggered it... I want to witness the cherry blossoms, failed to see it in China and Taiwan. The most most recent Japan Anime I'm watching now are 5cm per second and A Silent Voice (The Shape of Voice?--not sure about the title).. and the Sakura tress are highlightened there... (I'm so desperate to see one).

I'd love to experience it solo, but I'm not that confident either... I've invited a childhood friend but I'm not really positive she's gonna make it, but I hope she can.  My mother would be hysterical if she'll find out Im going solo as if I'm 15.. Duh? Im 33!! yah, darn it, Im 33!! and I'll be turning 34 next month! it hurts! hahaha...  I'm a late bloomer, not so friendly I look terrible, an introvert, boring and pathetic.... imagine that? I rather stay home or yet out of the country rather than socializing, I'm sorry if that's a crime.  I'm guilty for not answering that call from an old friend the other day, that she might invite me for a dinner, I don't feel like talking about how are you? hows your life? why aren't you settling down? you're supposed to be this and that... I'm tired of hearing it.. I'm sorry... how could I refrain myself from meeting friends when I had so little of them? I don't know.

So, I'm having a dream of going to Japan. Can I do it? or will it be forever a dream.

What's stopping me? I know I shouldn't be considering that. Well, first, it's expensive! I'm saving for it but I'm being pressured by my family to finish my house. I don't know, I'm fine with our ancestral home, (do they want to expel me? lol) I'm single anyway, but.. maybe my Mom just want a new environment. At this point of time, I wish I had work abroad , so I could build my own house in an instant--- no!, I'm fine here.

2nd. The visa application.

3rd. I might do it alone. I know there's a lot of courage I need to pack, it would be my first time. Don't get confused with- me  wanting to be alone sometimes (and used to be most of the time).. but travelling overseas is kinda different story.