Stressed to The Nth Power

What have I done wrong today to be this emotionally, physically, socially, spiritually and mentally stressed????!

But I'll be alright, I'm glad I reached home alive.. I think I really need a lot of sleep..

So good night now.

29July15

I was trying to sleep after Suhoor, but I couldn't sleep back. I opened my eyes and I'm almost consumed with some negative thoughts, it's too sad.. was confused again for being at the wrong place, my fears of the unknown risen, I've thought of the people I've loved, I haven't done enough for them, I haven't even made them feel or at least tell them I loved them, they're too few of them but, I can't even manage to do so, and life is too short.

So this, I'm battling with my Monday Morning Sickness.. So, before my alarms ring, I rose from bed and performed my Salah.. and had this prayer.

Dear God, take away the fear in my heart, make me strong, clear my mind from whatever causing my anxiety, I'm sorry if the way I worship You is maybe not the appropriate way, I hope you'll forgive me, I'm in a place where my spiritual life is hard to nourish, but I hope You can still hear me... I don't know too many things, I don't even know what to do with my life, sometimes I think I am wasting it.. I hope You'll forgive me and You'll light up my way. Take care of the people I love for I can't even do it the right way. For the things I that I can't give up but I should, please help me let go of them... For the things I should stand and fight for, give me courage, let me not give up so easy.. Make me understand that what is due to me is what I am getting, and what's not meant for me is not meant for me... Yah, Allah, in everything I do and I can't do, please Guide me, shower me strength and Wisdom.

I Wanna Go To Paris!

Seriously, I wanna go to Europe!

oh my Table!

Today, I would like to watch our basketball tournament, its the semi finals.. but I just can't. I hope our team (the makati team with zero lose) will still make it this time... 

Leaving the office today, I saw my QS table really clean, she's always been like this.. really organized.

While mine is

Yah.. its always been like that. A mess.hehe

So how was my new QS? She works really fast! Sometimes I'm running out of task to give her because she  can finish her task even before I knew it... She reports to work consistently early. She's diligent. But she goes home early, which sometimes alarms me, but I would realized, what's the point of holding her when she gets to finish her tasks on time.. ? there were no times I wasn't able to submit something because she didn't finish it... I'm not hesitant  to ask her "this and that" because she's not complaining. Anyway, how can she complain when she's too timid... so silent I could even count the words she'll utter in a day. Also, if there's something I don't like about her is, the way her response on me everytime I ask or instruct her, she's sitting facing the other side.. and she doesn't bother to look back at me when I'm saying something.. she doesn't look interested and attentive.. I don't find her sense of camaraderie, it's like she's just working for the sake of work itself, sometimes it appears to me as rude but maybe she's really just shy.. but totality, she's good. I'm not asking for more.. she's more than enough..

On the other hand, my previous QS is much confident.. there maybe other things I don't like about him or sorry, maybe too many but I admire his confidence, somehow he's that kind of "open to everyone". Don't mistaken me as hating him, I don't! He's just not the right person to be on my team (team as in kaming dalawa lang haha). But unlike my present QS,  when you talk to him, he would look at you straight, he seems so attentive (kahit minsan nakakalimutan din nya sinasabi mo hehe). He would at least open up a conversation with me about anything.

What's the point of this post?? Comparing? I hope I'm not.. I'm just giving my fair judgement.. and that by knowing this people, that implies that nobody is perfect.

But there maybe someone who's almost perfect. Jon, my previous QS before these two.. maybe he's my favorite.. sorry for the favoritism.. but he's everything the two can do, even the two can't do. I've even felt his sincerity in everything he does. The moment he was in our office was actually the time I had the lighter days at site. (Feeling ko nga I've never been a good boss to him). I let him work alone, he even stayed late at office.. He can work without my supervision... there were even things I don't even know he's doing.. He was pressured by our bosses but I just let them be without standing on  his side.. now I'm guilty.. a little. Hehe.. he didn't even stop on communicating with me when he should be forgetting about me.. (naku, may magbibigay nanaman ng malisya nito haha).. masyado lang akong overwhelmed... To Jon, I'll be forever thankful..

Now, if comparing my present and past assistants is a sin, then blame that clean table of my present QS.. Here's a story that connects them three.. Jon taped a plastic sheet on that table with a piece of paper - list of his "to do"... the next QS who took his place didn't even bother to take that off or update the list for about 5 months! Only my recent QS dared to pull it out.. and now that table is too clean. That's all...

Sleepy. GOOD NIGHT!

update: july 27

We didn't win! 1 point lang daw ang lamang..kaya nalulungkot si Mac. Hehe

Girl thing..

Today, I couldn't perform the fasting because.... I have my period. Oh, is it proper to post on the web that I have my monthly cycle?? .. well,it doesn't matter.. I have my period! It's between you and me anyway.. hehe

I was hesitant whether to show my officemates that I don't fast today or just pretend that I am.... but I decided to eat my meal in front of everyone.. why would I pretend anyway.. ? For those, who do not know, we can't perform fasting if we have our menstrual period... but have to repay the days we missed after the the Ramadan..

So, because I wasn't discreet about me not fasting today.. everyone was curious.. and though I'm a little not comfortable telling them, particularly the boys , that I have my period -- I had to. Because they kept on inventing reasons why I'm not.. They can't even believe that its valid not to fast in times like this... It's really hard when everybody surrounds you has a religion not like yours.

But when my boss learned that I am not fasting today, he figured out that I have my period.. I was surprised, I never told him about that.. he was the only one in the office who knew that when you have your period, you're not allowed to fast.. It's just nice to know  that someone, out of everyone, knows something about us... and our nurse too... so, it's the two of them pala.

Today, I tried to crack a joke with someone ... Someone I'm actually not comfortable with... and a blank reaction is what I got from that person... maybe that person didn't get my point or just found my joke so corny... then I heard myself telling me "go! Just get out from here, what we're you doing, it's better to shut up sometimes"... haha, ako na lang yung natawa sa sarili ko.

Thats all for today! GOOD NIGHT!

Walang Forever!

wala nga bang forever? The "forever thing" is actually one of the words of the year.. I keep on hearing it from different people here and there or being posted on the internet. Yung teleseryeng "forevermore" baka may kinalaman dito.. I wasn't watching the series, pero dahil curios na ako , I watched the ending .. syempre kung yun pagbabasehan mo, meron talagang forever! so, meron nga bang forever?? or baka sa sa mga corny na teleserye lang yan?

Sabi, may forever.. on the funny side.. Sabi nila ano tawag mo dun sa mga lolo at lola nyo na hanggang sa dulo ng buhay nila, sila pa rin?? Friends with benefits lang daw ba yun? Haha

Yung traffic sa edsa?? Diba forever na rin yun?

Seriously, may forever nga ba?  Honestly, I want to believe in forever, though at the back of my mind, wala naman talaga. All good things come to an end nga eh.. Lahat ng bagay nagbabago...  people change too.. so pano magkakaron ng forever???

Pero baka meron namang forever, it depends on your interpretation. Ako? Ano nga ba intindi ko dito? Yung forever kase, counterpart nyan yung change... yung change is constant daw.. so pano na yung forever mo?..

Masyado naman akong bitter sa change.. haha.. kasabihan lang naman yun.. may mga bagay din naman na di talaga nagbabago..  minsan,  yung pamamaraan lang ang nagbabago. Pero ganon pa rin yun...

Siguro may forever pa rin ... depende lang sa intindi mo.. so usapang pag-ibig ba to? Haha.. eh kacornihan nanaman.. hindi bagay saken ni tinatalakay yung mga tungkol sa pag-ibig... haha...

walang forever!

Meron pala, yung kacornihan ko. Hehe

20th of June

Was at Powerbooks while waiting for my brother, he will join me for Iftar..  

Read and scanned some pages of Bianca Gonzales "Paano ba?".. then roamed around the bookstore and saw this travel listography and I so loved this kinda of  journal... how I wish I could travel more often...

Watched Jurassic World right after  Iftar and I loved it too... I've watched the 3 installments of Jurassic Park movies.. And during my younger years, i would list these movies as of my favorites.. and this latest one, Jurassic World didn't fail my expectation...

I would remember those 4 books with amusing pictures my mom bought us when we we're little.. Mammals, Space, Insects and my favorite Dinosaurs... honestly I can still remember the different kind of dinosaurs, though I might mispronounce and misspell some, that was long time ago.