missing Aya, always

 missing Ayah, our dear father, so much.. it's been a year since he left, but the pain will never heal... remembering him always makes me cry... seeing his old laptop on the glass shelve, breaks my heart. I remembered him so patiently working there, despite me being so impatient that his laptop is too slow, but he was so patient.. Seeing his phone that my little nephew is now playing with.... i clearly remember him using it.... by just writing this... its making me cry... Yah Allah, please position him in your paradise... I miss him so much

The Planned Trip to Dubai

 

12/12/24 9:49am

Can I get there???

UAE, particularly in Dubai, is one of those countries I wish I could visit... When I graduated college, I planned to work there but it didn't come true. So I told myself, I will just visit there Inshallah. 

Now It's about to come true this January, I'm ready and excited... I've paid my advance payment to the travel agency, but something happened to my friend who is supposed to be my travel partner for this trip... Something good to happen for her... too good that she might cancel our Dubai plans.... I'm happy for her though, but I'm sad for myself hahaha... coz, if she cancels the Dubai, I can't get go too coz it is a minimum-for-two package..... hayssss... this is the bad side of having very limited friends, and few options... I'm fine with my being an introvert though....

I'm praying, I can still go this January. Please. The Almighty may help me conspire with the Universe.

9.21Pm

And she's cancelling! I knew it, I felt it... arghh.. I don't know now.. sooooo sad right now... I mean, I don't wanna be selfish.... that's why I just have to be sad.. I'll be fine tomorrow. hope so.

12/13/2024

So, Finally, I decided to cancel it. My friend seems undecided and preoccupied. She's like, can we cancel it? o, wait, lets pursue it, okay we'll go, can we refund? blah blah, then finally saying, let's pursue it.... But I decided, to cancel it, though it saddened me deep inside. I know, she might not enjoy it coz she'll be preoccupied with that Good thing about to happen to her... mapipilitan lang syang samahan ako if ever, so ako na lang nag decide, to just give it up now.

Someday, I can still go to Dubai, Inshallah

12.4.24

 9.22 am

I'm currently alone in the office now, our engineers are mostly on travel, and our chief is I'm not sure what time he'll be coming. I'm supposed to be busy right now, but I sort of don't know what to do first. I want to burst out some of my rants, but what if they find my page?...  what if the concerned person finds this,, why so paranoid? Nobody reads blogs nowadays na.. hehe.. I stopped writing as well,,, siguro dahil okay lang ako... you know, I write with a heavy heart, I can write with a heavy heart I mean.. hehe... now, I'm just confused.

Life update at 10.12.2024

 Hi. I don't know. I missed writing, but aging made me lazy. I've run out of words despite my overflowing thoughts. If I lived in the old days, with my younger self, I should have written something about the following.

* How I missed Ayah (Father), it's been almost a year since we lost him but I still miss him terribly. I cried every time I remembered him. Seeing the spots where he used to stay and the things he once owned, the old laptop that he patiently once used, his cellphone - the photos in it still could burst me to tears, and seeing the people he used to work with breaks my heart.. Everything reminded me of him.

*The travels that I missed to talk about here. I used to be so excited about writing my international trips. I didn't have a blog about how I went back to Thailand last year with my auntie. I attended the workshop in Pakistan and the friends I met there. I was not able to write about my trip to Singapore and Malaysia last August-- despite it being my third time visiting there, it made me happy. Traveling always makes me happy, my life turned out to be so far from perfect but I'm sure traveling is perfectly making me happy.

*I wanted to travel more but I find it difficult nowadays, there are some travel agencies that require a minimum of 2 people to avail, and no one is coming with me.. hahaha... I didn't really mind having few friends, but one of the downsides is, days like these. I can do solo traveling, but my target countries could be costly if I'll do it alone. I wanted to visit Turkey, Dubai, Australia, New Zealand, and my European dreams, and ofcourse perform Hajj and Umra..... Ahhhhh, I wanted to travel!!! but I need money and friends too??? haha

*I wanted to write about my status at my job. How I struggle to look at the brighter side of it. I used to be the officer in Charge of the Division where I am now. I struggled before I fully understood my role and when the official Division Chief position opened, I applied for it. (I proposed for that position anyway)... I didn't get it, someone externally was hired. I was fine with it coz what I really prayed for is that whoever will get that position is someone who truly deserves it, someone who is not toxic to work with--- that I will no longer be stressed, if that's the case, I'll be happy even if I don't get the position. .... But if you'll ask me now how I feel. I don't know. haha.... I wish to write about it, to lighten up my feelings.... hahaha... but maybe not now.

*Then finally, I wanted to write how I'm getting old!!! hahahaha..

I Want TO Write Again But I'm Too Lazy

 Yes, I wanted to write again, my thoughts, my pain, my disappointments.... as always, I can write more when I'm upset.. and I'm being a bit of  it, this past few weeks, or ever since my father passed away, I missed him everyday. 

Gotta get myself busy working now.

Missing Ayah so much

 I missed aya so much, since he passed away, i never had dreamed of him, until dawn this morning..

I'm still hurting.. even though I'm accepting it...i have so much thoughts about him... 

I'm currently at Davao now for a Team Building/Strat Plan and its breaking my heart that Ayah is no longer home when I get back..

Yah Allah, Alhamdulillah for making me not feeling the pain all the time.. but at some point, its breaking me.Astagfirullah

I miss Ayah

 i miss ayah so much....