I have an apple and I'm watching PBB

13.Oct. 16

11 Oct 16

6:20am
Woke up early. Parang Monday morning sickness lang.. Ang lungkot pa rin. Ang bigat sa loob parang ang hirap magmove on. Normal lang naman to. Lilipas din. Malungkot lang talaga sa ngayon.

8:44am
Just what we need - a post by Dr.Bilal Philips

9:53am
Reading this article

http://buzz.definitelyfilipino.com/articles/2016/10/72-year-old-taxi-driver-gets-help-from-netizens-after-his-heartbreaking-story-goes-viral/2/

Naalala ko nasakyan ko rin yung taxi driver na to.. I blogged about it.

http://aaawhatevers.blogspot.com/2015/12/9th-of-dec.html?m=1


1:20pm
I've been reading anything to calm my senses, para di masyado malungkot kase nalulungkot pa rin kami... Iyak ng iyak yung tita ko kanina when she received a call from my other aunties.. andun kase sila sa bahay nung late uncle ko... they helped my uncle's wife to fix his things... and when they called my other auntie about it, heto iyak nanaman ng iyak. :(

11:05
Magiging okay din ang lahat.. hindi man  sa ngayon, someday it will. Good night.

10 Oct 16

Still mourning.. and it's  still hurt so bad... Seeing these people (my family members) grieve breaks my heart more. I know everyone had undergone this kind of life challenge... We've been experienced this before, losing loved ones is part of us...no ones exempted..

I know its truly painful by now. I felt something is blocking my heart, it hinders me to feel back to normal... I am a lonely person, no denying... I get easily feel sad, (being lonely is not so new to me, but I so alright with it).. but this one.. it's too melancholic... it's crashing my heart... as if these changes in our lives now are stopping us to live the way we used to.

I understand that I shouldn't tolerate this.. I'm just trying to run dry the loads in my heart, so I could go on. I just really pray for the fast recovery of my family especially my mom who is the eldest of them all.. Maybe to see them smile again would make me feel better.

This too shall pass. Just how we went through the losses of my other closed family members.. Maybe this just traumatized me lot because I was there at the hospital seeing my uncle on his last breath... seeing my family crying and trying so hard to stay composed.

This is God's will... we must all be prepared for moments like this.. and while we-- the ones he left behind should go on with our lives. Maybe by now, it's too hurting us, as if we've lost some parts of our whole being (we actually lost a good man. really) but we will get through it. Maybe by now we can still see him walks by , we can still hear his voice in our minds and his face we see everywhere... and tears wont be stopped from falling down.... Someday we all be fine... Someday when we remember him, we wont be shedding tears anymore instead we will just smile on the good memories of him.

Again I am praying for my uncle a place in Jannah (paradise) and someday we will get reunited there in Allah's Name.. Amen.

May Jannah be Granted to my Late Uncle

Losing loved ones is one of the sorrowful and inevitable event that could happen to our lives and today is one of my worst one. I just lost an uncle, who serves as the head of the family at my mom's side. He's such a great man in all aspects, he surely a loss to our clan, and it was really a bad news to everyone who had hopes for him.

...So it was this hard to witness his last moments at his death bed in the hospital.... I felt like I would faint seeing my mom, my aunts, my other uncle and my brothers break down... It's still haunting me at this very moment. The saddest truth that we'll never see him again, that he wont be able to pursue his unfinished business, that he wont visit us anymore at home or meets us somewhere to have family gatherings,  the sad faces of my little cousins and his wife..... these stuffs are killing the joy in my heart. Moving on is kinda hard to do because the people and the reasons why you're doing certain things are gone...

It was an unexpected death, all of us aren't prepared for this... I just saw him laugh the other week, cracked jokes and showered us words of wisdom.... We all thought he's tough and healthy, that a high blood pressure won't beat him... but we we're wrong. This must be life... And he will be a legend.

I'm not saying all of these to make myself acquire a little bit more of pain, I'm thinking of this as first step to get away from grieving. I'm exhaling the thoughts that breaks my heart now.... so after  I'll get to pour all the pains then my heart would be lighten up.. till I reach the road to acceptance.

With this event, I want myself to be strong enough to accept the truth about death, that as I grow older, I'll get to experience more of this, until my time will come as well. This is not being morbid... We couldn't run away from death, so instead we must be prepared for it. Preparing means we should strengthen our spiritual life, we should be strong  and be a good person. Remember, no one gets out of life alive. Lets not be so materialistic. Don't be greedy as if we're going to live forever... Everything in this world is temporary.. But we must not stop doing good deeds as it could be a way to paradise.. And ofcourse Prayers.

Inna Lillahi Wa inna ilayhi rajioon. Yah Allah, please grant my uncle a place in Jannah. Make the people he left behind recovers the soonest time so we can move on with our lives.. Make us patiently strong and remember You more, remind us of our purpose in this world, that eventually we will all surrender in your arms... some will go first and the rest has yet to perform their purposes... Yah Allah, Help us.

3 Oct 16

It's been almost 4 months since I went home after my resignation and I haven't met any of my old time friends ( mostly wala na rin kase dito )... but Nannie is still here... a college friend and a room mate... and she's one my few best..

We've talked a lot.. about our other friends, about my resignation, about her job... and her daughter who happens to have a club foot case just like my nephew-- we hope they'll both get well with their treatment and could walk normally someday.


Good night!