10 Oct 16

Still mourning.. and it's  still hurt so bad... Seeing these people (my family members) grieve breaks my heart more. I know everyone had undergone this kind of life challenge... We've been experienced this before, losing loved ones is part of us...no ones exempted..

I know its truly painful by now. I felt something is blocking my heart, it hinders me to feel back to normal... I am a lonely person, no denying... I get easily feel sad, (being lonely is not so new to me, but I so alright with it).. but this one.. it's too melancholic... it's crashing my heart... as if these changes in our lives now are stopping us to live the way we used to.

I understand that I shouldn't tolerate this.. I'm just trying to run dry the loads in my heart, so I could go on. I just really pray for the fast recovery of my family especially my mom who is the eldest of them all.. Maybe to see them smile again would make me feel better.

This too shall pass. Just how we went through the losses of my other closed family members.. Maybe this just traumatized me lot because I was there at the hospital seeing my uncle on his last breath... seeing my family crying and trying so hard to stay composed.

This is God's will... we must all be prepared for moments like this.. and while we-- the ones he left behind should go on with our lives. Maybe by now, it's too hurting us, as if we've lost some parts of our whole being (we actually lost a good man. really) but we will get through it. Maybe by now we can still see him walks by , we can still hear his voice in our minds and his face we see everywhere... and tears wont be stopped from falling down.... Someday we all be fine... Someday when we remember him, we wont be shedding tears anymore instead we will just smile on the good memories of him.

Again I am praying for my uncle a place in Jannah (paradise) and someday we will get reunited there in Allah's Name.. Amen.