Career Challenge

  

Picture not mine. I just saw this circulating on social media so I am answering it. :)

1. CHILDHOOD AMBITION – I wanted to be a writer or a teacher, I was so sure of that when I was a child.  On my Elementary days, I used to write stories in a piece of paper and I distribute them to my classmates. They actually enjoyed reading them, so I thought I’m going to be writer. In highschool up to college, I was writing poems too, but during those days, I don’t really have readers, my works  mostly for my eyes only. I became dubious of my ability, surely I loved writing but I’m not good at it. There were times I feel like I’m just wasting my time on my trumperies, but there were also days that I didn’t really care if I'm doing it well, coz I loved it! So I keep writing --- for myself.

Also on my elementary days, I was fervently thinking I’m going to be a teacher, just like my Educator father. I remember him asking me to check his student’s Test Papers which I never complained. While writing this, some memories flashed in. I played the role of a teacher to my younger siblings, I made questionnaires and let them participate. I had that grading notebook too where I invented names of students and graded them.. haha.. (parang natatawa ako, para pala akong tanga noon.) I just lost that merriment in teaching when I reached high school. I realized that my confidence in public speaking is only applicable to my siblings and not in front of other people.

2.COLLEGE COURSE. I spent 6 years in college! Yes, I’m not a bad student, I might not be that diligent and intelligent, but surely I wasn’t neglectful or delinquent type. And maybe because Engineering is really tough for someone not good in Math (that’s me). I first took Electronics Communication Engineering, not because I loved it, but maybe because it’s a trend, and it’s cool? I even have units in Agriculture Engineering then finally I shifted to Civil Engineering. I never had good grades in  my Engineering related subjects, though I had 1.0 in Philosophy, Life of Rizal (haha) and other high grades on my other not Engineering related subjects. Grateful that I passed the Civil Engineering Licensure Exam on my first take coz I might think that I really took the wrong path if I didn’t make it.

3.CURRENT JOB. I’m currently a Cost & Contracts Engineer in one of the Country’s Quadruple A construction company. For almost a decade, I’m now on my third project. Happy? Sometimes yes, sometimes not. Civil Engineering is a wide range profession, there are lots of specialties and I am so used to my current position that I actually forgot the other trades. So if you ask me to design your house, I might need a review. Haha..  When you are labeled as Engineer, they thought you are something, yeah, I’ve been to some head wracking situations but its not always like that.  Sometimes, I feel that I’m just working coz I need to earn my own money. I’m not complaining, but there were moments that I still think what if I pursued my childhood ambition, will I be happier?  I’m still looking forward to that day, where I'll get excited waking up each day coz I'm about to do something that I really love doing.

My 2020 Eidl Fit'r

It's Ed'l Fit'r that marks the end of the Holy Month. Indeed it's true,  evils are being tied up during Ramadhan and now they are free,  it seems that they're responsible for me now feeling anxious.

I'm a little bit depressed at the moment,  and the reason I'm doing this write-up is to make myself feel better at the end of this.

Lets start this by acknowledging why I feel down. I never felt this heavy hearted since I started fasting last April 24..  Or even at the start of the quarantine last March 16 where I need to stay alone in my boarding house.. Home is just 4hour drive but I'm stranded. But I was okay,  enjoying my Me-time, I actually learned many things spiritually,  I didn't even miss working..  i was fine..  But today,  I felt bad.

Maybe because I was seeing a lot of family photos on the social media celebrating the Eid together, while I was on my own,  can't even get a fresh air outside,   it saddened me...it made me miss home so much.  I learned also that a colleague,  actually  younger than me,  is becoming really successful,  we have same profession and yet I can't be as successful as her..  She rewards herself by traveling a lot and that made me feel so envious..financially,  surely she is stable that she didn't even needs to work away from her home.  I can't be like her coz I'm not as confident and courageous as her. I'm not as friendly as her that she made a lot of connections.   So I pitied my self. Add to that is I'm not getting any younger.

So I think that's where it all started.  And I can't even talk to anyone to share how I feel at least could lessen this burden,  so I'm writing... as my way of talking to myself.

So now, we're on the part of resolving this. I know I'm being tested. So I'm proving it, overthinking and feeling envious is a task of evil. I must remind myself of the good thoughts I learned during Ramadan..

I must not be sad even I'm on my own during this Eid.. There are also other people who are alone at the moment, I'm not the only one. I must remember that there are people who are in worse condition that I am, some lost family members, some are struggling with this current Pandemic, some are really sick.  Sukor , I must be grateful that my family though are far, they are doing well. There are also other people who are not alone during this Eid but still lonely. Must remind myself that happiness is not always found with people. Often, it is found when it is just you and Almighy Allah. Soon, I'll be home, InshaAllah. This pandemic  will be over, InshaAllah.

Another important thing that nourished my relationship to the Almighty is Sab'r, yes that is Patience. I know my career wasn't really a success and that is because I'm so timid, introvert and not confident at all. I'm even resigning anytime soon due to some reasons I wont detail here... we're not also productive due to this covid virus.. so this means, soon I'll be jobless! which also mean goodbye travels??!! you know how I loved traveling.. it's my therapy!

But I'm resolving my thoughts now,  that's my purpose of writing this and not to get consumed by my lack of positiveness.  I know I'm at the stage of uncertainty, quiting my job at the wrong time maybe not a wise move. But this I believed my company and myself will achieve the mutual convenience. So there comes in my Sabr, surely the Almighty will guide me,  I just need to keep that faith. I must not doubt Him as I must not doubt myself.  Everything will be in place soon.  I must not feel jealous of other people's success and question why can't I be like that.  It would be a huge crisis if I keep on thinking that way.  Just be happy for them,  if I can't, then at least dont hope for them their downful,  that's a sin.  The Almighty gave that success to them,  wait for yours.  Never compare yourself to others,  it will only make us feel resentful.  As what the Desiderata said,  there will always be greater and lesser people than yourself.

And I must not think that my current career is a failure..  It might not be that kind of job that you'll get excited to report to everyday but I was paid with something I deserved, I met few friends, my salary let me  travel to different countries and had started building my house, it might not be as grandiose as others but its something I must be thankful about,  Sukor.  The Almighty loved those who are grateful of their blessings. Alhamdulillah.

I must be reminded that life will always test us, we must guard our attitude.  As this wordly things are just temporary, do not be so attached.. Our attitude and faith are keys to Hereafter.

Now I feel better.  As you can see,  I became so spiritually inclined.. I don't usually do that in my previous blogs.  One of the good things I enhanced during this quarantine is my FAITH.  It can give us comfort to any crisis.  ALHAMDULILLAH.