December 24, 2023
In July 2023 this year, my father was diagnosed with this critical illness. We did everything possible to cure or slow down its progress, but it seems that as the days go by, his condition has worsened. Currently, he has stopped taking his medicine, he can't eat, and drinking water is even very difficult... He has been hospitalized thrice since September... On his third admittance, he stayed for more than a week until he insisted on going home. So we are caring for him now at home. I don't want to leave his side, but seeing him in pain and uncomfortable is tearing me apart.
Each day passes by, and his condition is not improving.. he won't eat, we can't understand the words he said, and he now has already stopped talking. Honestly, it's not good. I'm not in the position to say what's next, Only the Almighty Allah knows.
PRAYER
Whatever the will of Allah, I will accept, as I believe, He's the best planner. But if I have to make Dua, I will ask to extend my father's life for 20 years or more, which seems impossible, then 10, or five, or at least he finished what he wanted for the Madrasah he established and the Review Center. I know by the looks of it, it seems impossible, with his current condition, he doesn't look that well. It's like I'm praying for rain in the Sahara. Only Your miracles will save him, and I believe in You. But if You won't grant it for some reason, then my DUA or prayer will just make it easy for him and the rest of the family.
ALHAMDULILLAH
Alhamdulillah for the gift of life, that we still have our father at this moment. When you granted my prayer to get him well last 2019, that was one of the happiest moments of my life I won't trade it for anything. You've already extended his life before. Alhamdulillah, that this is not happening during the COVID, I can't imagine how hard that could be. Alhamdulillah, that we still have him at the moment. Alhamdulillah, through this suffering, I'm becoming closer to You. Alhamdulillah, through the unfortunate event, our family is united and strengthened
PATIENCE/ SABAR
If only we know what to do then we have done that. We tried the medication with his doctor's advice, and we thought that it was only the side-effect of his becoming weak each day.... but now, it seems that the medication didn't work for him until he stopped taking it. We're trying everything, but we just don't know what would make him feel better.
ASTAGFIRULLAH
May the Almighty forgive me if I can't get rid of unwanted thoughts. Our father is a good person, he intends to advocate education that would benefit one from this world and the hereafter. He's patient and kind, Astaghfirullah, I can't avoid asking why this is happening to him. Indeed, the Almighty tests those he loves.
ACCEPTANCE
All of these are meant to happen, it was the will of Allah. I'm just taking my chances through my DUAs and prayers that the Almighty will heal him.
I feel ashamed it I sounded demanding in my prayers, every time I remember the condition of Palestine, my close friends who lost their both parents already, and my cousins at a young age who also lost one of their parents.
I wanted him to live longer coz there was something, so much to do. He has started something that hasn't come to success yet, I'm hurting that it might just go to waste, Astaghfirullah. But I know, that's how the world is, surely those who already passed away had some unfinished business too. Because this world is temporary, what matters is how we live it.
I'm reminding myself not to say "If only I had done such and such...." but rather think "It is the Decree of Allah and He does whatever He Wills. Know that Everything is by QADR of Allah.
"Through this trial, Allah has opened up a huge world of Ibadah like SABR, SALAH, repentance, etc."
"Through this trial, Allah is putting us on the path of the Prophets. It is a confirmation that Allah loves us. The more Allah loves somebody, the more He tests them"
TAWWAKKUL
Despite my DUA, I entrust to You everything. Now, the only medication left is the miracle that the Almighty Allah may grant upon us. Inshallah.
Yah Allah, please keep me strong, as well as our Mother. Grant us ease and acceptance on whatever is about to come.
insha'Allah, I will understand more why this is happening.
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