The Inevitable

The inevitable is now embracing me,
It's breaking me and tearing me to pieces
It's painful than my broken hearts.. 
Coz this inevitable might take away my true and  first love
I know this will happen, to everyone it will, some experienced it too early
But for my case, I'm not ready, I feel like I'll be paralyzed too.
All I can do now is pray, not to take it away so soon, not to take it so harsh
I know I don't deserve to make wishes be granted, but whoever this I am praying for deserves to be well, or at least to be not in pain. Oh, God, please don't break me too soon. I know You have purpose whether I'm ready or not. Make me strong. Make him strong. Forgive me for questioning. Forgive me for being so weak. Cut my other wishes, all I need is this prayer. My eyes have been dried. I was trying to keep it myself that I'm hurting real bad, but it's too painful to cover it with smiles. PLEASE. NOT TOO SOON. NOT TOO HARSH.

How can I break up with my Breakout

Sept 22, 2019

So I'm writing something different from my usual posts.  I'm not a beauty conscious,  but this I'm about to write is how I'll be able to get rid of my pimples.  It's bothering that I see the need to write it down and experiment. I'm on my 30s already but this is the point of time,  actually this year, that my breakouts are going crazy..  it's in our genes maybe at my Mom side..  I don't remember having this problem on my teenage days (I'm really a late bloomer haha) ..  On my 20's it was seasonal.. Sometimes they're active sometimes they're not, for reason I haven't figured out yet. I used variety tof typical cleansers before (like Nivea,  eskinol, ponds,  celeteque,  cetaphil etc etc) but I did'nt learn which were effective. I had facials too long long time ago,  and not sure if that works for me..  and I didn't really mind "before" coz that condition of my face isn't as terrible as this year.

This photo taken Sept 21. i feel so ugly ahaha. 

Wearing make up also is not my thing...  And that would only irritate them too right?

Actually,  the worst stage was the first quarter of this year.  I went to a dermatologist last March,  she prescribed an Antibiotic and Tea tree Cleanser. She required me to stop using anything other than her prescription.  Her diagnosis is that I'm stressed (I'm always stressed!  Haha..  This is not even the worst stressing point of my life).  She advised me to lessen intake of sweets and to sleep early. After a month and almost 2 weeks of taking the antibiotic,  I had follow up check up.. She then told me to continue the intake of Tetralysal  antibiotic,  and the application of tea tree cleanser and this time she gave me a pimple cream (na magkahalong mahapdi at makati) . At that point,  my pimples lessened but not completely.  My Derma's next move is to give me an acne surgery on my next consultation and she told me to have an Ultrasound,  I might have problem with my hormones or PCOS.  Sadly, I didn't return (pasaway din e haha). i can't take that Acne Surgery!!!  i remembered that pimple facial treatment I had in 2014 (maybe?), that was so painful I almost can't endure...  i told myself I'll never gonna do that again..   Anyway,  I spent almost 9k for my dermatologist including her prescriptions. I consumed the antibiotic months ago,  only using the tea tree cleanser until now.  But now, as I'm writing this,   I have breakouts again.

There are various post in FB about new affordable soap/cream etc to achieve a perfect white glass skin. I had one set from Brilliant Skin but I'm not using it.  I bought it because my friend's girlfriend recommended and  is selling it too.. In short napasubo lang ako haha..  Why I don't want to use it?  because I think it's too strong,  I hate obvious peeling off,  too cheap to be true,  and if it's effective,  I don't want to be that strikingly flawless and white!  (na parang white lady na sinubsob sa harina!  Haha)..  That's not me anymore,  I'm fine with my skin color,  I just want my pimples out!

Now i'm a little desperate but still want to be safe with whatever product I'll be using.  I'm considering going to other derma clinics or might purchase that Skin Doctor cream worth 3k... I scrolled the internet but I couldn't find detail about that product instead I found the Acne Care products.. I've read positive reviews and  I'm going to try them,  I bought them already. Haha

soap (149php),  toner(149php),  the dietary capsules(php900), I'm actually missing another product the drying lotion,  it's out of stock. I'm hesitant of the capsules, coz  as much as possible I don't want to involve oral medications, I may achieve clear skin but defective liver naman? Nahh..   wag na lang haha!  Just one bottle and I'm done. 

I know what might work to others wont guarantee will work for my skin too..  But I hope this experiment will work for me,  I'm losing self confidence already!  (meron ba ako nun?  Haha).  As I've said,  I'm not beauty conscious,  I just want these breakouts break up with me. 

update:

Day 1 of using: I thought I found the right product,  it sting a bit while washing but bearable.   I can see my pimples dry out,  on the first usage...

Day2: Wahhh..  i'm having more breakouts! Kala ko okay kami.   Though I know that when you use a new product,  as what my Derma told me too, pimples tend to flare up.  magkakaron talaga ng breakout.. Pero hanggang kelan?  

Day 3: I can feel tolerable itch. is it normal?  I've read and watch vlog about this product,  to some it works and to some didn't.  And I saw one case that using this only worsened her pimples..  It's making me paranoid now.  What will I do? 

Day4: 

I don’t see any improvement but more purging (if you consider that purging having more but small pimples, ).. I’m getting paranoid reading and watching reviews. I’m now torn between, give it more time because the purging process is normal, or stop it because others reviews state that they stopped using it due to increasing pimples. Err, what to do?
Day 5 sept 26: I've stopped using acne care..  i couldn't wait for the answer whether my break out is normal or not..  i couldn't take it seeing my face like this,  worst ever ahaha..  i used my old tea tree cleasing and bought these.

So how am I supposed to use them?  Sabay sabay?  Haha.. The tea tree oil is intended to cure the pimples, 2 to 3 days magdry out na daw.  Sana.  It's worth Php495 in Body shop,  the serum is effective din daw but not available.  St.  Ives blemish control (Php339),  ewan ko,  feeling ko may magagawa sya.  And the aloe vera soothing Gel pouch worth 99. nakita ko lang sa isang vlog pero may nabasa rin akong nakakabreakout sya..  So how will I know which is effective?  One product on my left cheek,  one on my right,  one at my chin??  Haha.. Desperate move though.  nagwawaldas ata ako ng pera..  Hayst.  Hope one of these will work. 

Sept29, 2019

My too many breakouts due to the usage of acne care products dried out by using the tea tree oil.. But ofcourse,  the dark spots are still here.  i haven't used the st.  Ives blemish control yet,  maybe when all my pimples are totally gone (mangyayari ba?  Haha) , since that's an exfoliator type and I'm scared too coz despite the description that it won't cause breakouts,  I've read reviews that it's too harsh and caused them breakouts.  I'm scared of breakouts now,  coz of what AcneCare did.  Kahit anong product naman ata na napanuod meron talagang case na nagbreakout pa rin sila.  for the Alovera Gel,  I applied on other part of my face lang,  particular on my chin and forehead na may pimples,  parang nagdry naman sila..  Or nakipaglaban na dun sa Tea Tree oil haha..  I need moisturizer and a sunscreen protection..  So I bought these two..  Wahhhhh..  What am I doing?  

The Neutrogena sunscreen protection is for sensitive skin daw worth 568php while the Bee Venom Emulsion from nature republic is worth 695php , the sales rep suggested that to use as moisturizer for acne prone skin.  Sana effective at di ako magbreakout ulit.  Haha..  For my 30ish year,  I've never spent so much money for beauty regimen,  nakakawindang lang talaga tong pimples ko ngayon. 

Oct3, 2019

I'm done with this experiment. I still look terrible but I'm done. I''m facing more serious problem now and that having so much pimples is nothing to this heartbreaking issue I'm facing. Someday, we'll see.

Jan 16, 2021

Hi,  it's been more than a year since I last updated this.  That,  heartbreaking issue, it went better Alhamdulillah. 

Anyway,  I'm here again coz I finally found something that worked for me. Yey.  alhamdulillah.  But before I reveal what I used, i had tried more products for the span of one year.  Here they are:

These are my clensers. I first tried the Cetaphil, its mild but I didn't see any effect on my terrible face that time haha.. Then the Innisfree green tea which I bought in Korea,  but when i noticed that I'm having breakout in just a day or two,  I stopped it. The celeteque clenser as also recommended by a doctor has somehow stopped the breakout but it didn't stop those huge pimples from popping out here and there. I used it for almost a year. 

As for my toner/serum/moisturizer, here's my review.  Nivea Micellair - no effect. 

The Ordinary Niacinamide - it has a good effect on my face (though not totally, expensive pa), the Rosken Skin Repair moisturizer-i applied only on my pimples where 60% of naiapply ko sa pimples didn't pursue growing.  Then the recent regimen I used are the Celeteque product,  along with clenser,  I topped it with their toner anf serum.  Nabawasan nya pimples ko,  pero di nya napipigilan sa paglaki yung iba.  Haha

Then I quit my job last July.  (anong konek?? Haha)..  Last October,  I saw my friend posting about Shiro Rejuvinating Set. Diba nga ayaw ko ng mga ganyan.  But this one is said to be All Natutal, mild and with only micropeeling, and wala naman akong work eh. so I tried it,  for only 280.

Update: May 6, 2024

I dont't have so much pimples anymore, and that Shiro product worked on me..  I use it everytime I have pimples, but I never had breakouts or too many pimples since then,

I wish I could Stop Hating Mondays

I know I’m too old to wish something for Someday and how old will I be when that day comes haha..  I’m saying this coz, I hate Mondays, as always. So my wish is , hoping I won’t hate it .

8th of Sept

My kind of Sunday,  got lots of Selfies!!  Haha

Anyway,  I actually hated taking photos of myself recently due to acne...  They love me so much haha. 

Monday nanaman bukas. Hayst..
..and im now facing something I need to decide real serious..  Night!

Exploring Hanoi Vietnam

Vietnam was never part of my bucketlist, because I thought there’s not much to see there, parang Pinas lang so bat pa ako pupunta dun? hehe   plus I’ve heard of so much scam and terrible experiences with Taxi drivers, dishonest vendors and etc etc , so it never captured my interest.

But when my friends asked me to travel out of the country, I didn’t hesitate, but where to? We opted for a tour package with less hassle and no visa requirement needed, --and to somewhere I never been yet. So, we chose Hanoi Vietnam. I believed that despite my negative impression, Vietnam has something to offer.

It was the quickest international trip I had, that my passport stamp entry in Vietnam was Aug 25, and exit Aug 26. We arrived past midnight of August 25, so technically, 25 was also our Day 1. We were 4 in this travel, my two friends/officemates and my Aunt. We looked for money changer upon arrival in Noi Bai International Airport,  exchanging PHP to Dong is too low, luckily I had about 340USD. We divided this cash in 4, so approximately tig Php4500+ lang kami-- that was our only pocket money. We didn’t need more cash anyway because our Hotel, transportation, tours, breakfast and lunch were already paid via Royal Kites travel for almost 18Keach. We really had to avail that, para iwas scam.

Airport transfer is included in our Tour package. Travel time from Airport to our Hotel is almost an hour, we reached the Hotel at around 2am, Vietnam time (1 hour behind from Phil), maybe I just slept for less than 3hours that night.

Day 1 Halong Bay

The trip was 3.5 hours from Hanoi to Halong Bay, yes, that was a long ride. Good thing was, we were comfortable with our coach, it has spacious legroom and wide windows. I’m such a lover of-- Window seat and an earphone with my favorite baduy playlist, masaya na ako, lakas makafeeling nag mumusic video..haha it didn't bore me. 

Upon arrival in Halong, we needed to wait at this area, dito nagpaparegister at sumasakay ng boat for Halong Bay tour. There are lots of tourist here, and the humidity was nerve wracking! Ang init. Kaya siguro ganto yung etsura ko , photobomber lang ako dito.haha

Photos in Halong Bay

The view was beautiful, but the water isn't that clear. I think our very own Palawan could parallel this  or even surpass it. And there were times during the cruise, I found myself wishing we could go back to our Hotel and sleep na , that's because of that maalisangang pakiramdam, dahil sa sobrang init  (arte) at kulang sa tulog.. haha..  August is not really the ideal month to visit Vietnam, confirmed by our Tour guide as well, sobrang mainit daw.

This cave

The rock formulations resemble to our Palawan underground river. This is the view outside  the cave.

After hiking and cruising for about 4hours with that temperature, I can say that one of the best feeling that day was boarding back to our airconditioned Van, and just site seeing thru my window. I didn't want to sleep for another almost 4hour drive, kahit antok na antok ako, di talaga ako natutulog sa byahe, I really love to see the place, yung ricefield nila na walang kalabaw (bakit nga ba wala akong nakitang kalabaw dun? haha, bakit dapat ba may kalabaw? haha), the house/ buildings are standing narrowly, the locals cycling wearing those traditional conical hat, the Vietnam feels...

Back to our Hotel at around 8:30pm.

Day 2

Preparing for our Hanoi City Tour . Waiting for our Tour guide. 

Our first stop. Forgot the name of the places we went to, hirap kase bigkasin. Our tour guide says a lot about Hanoi, ang dami nyang kwento , minsan napipilitan makinig, baka may paExam hahaha. Was a little guilty, maybe we are being rude for not being attentive. See?

Temple of Literature

Our next stop was at this shop.. These guys were busy with handmade artworks using egg shells

Then we had stroll going Ho chin Min museum (pero sarado).

Then here to  what they called  One Pilar Pagoda.

Lunch at this place. 

Ceramic making...….. 

This is really what you get in availing a tour package, dadaan kayo sa kung saan saang shop.. (di ka naman bibili, aanhin mo naman tong mga banga..? hehe) pero at least you've learned how they're made, dagdag knowledge din naman.

Pagoda again.. PAGODa na rin talaga. haha.. 

Hoan Kiem Lake

That was our last stop for our day tour. We saw some stalls selling Northface bags, we needed to purchase something, sayang din naman yung dalawang milyong Dong ko kung wala akong mabibili (4,500php lang pala value nun hehe). So we asked our tour guide if we can separate ways from there. I think that area is the famous "Old Quarter". Good thing our Hotel is just one kilometer away lang,  go straight to there ____ lang daw. So Ayun nga nagwaldas nga kami ng milyones, then umuwi na. As instructed, straight lang daw sabi ni Kuya Tour Guide yung way pauwi,  but as we go along, ang daming intersection na hindi naman straight (tingin ko gumaganti si Kuya tour guide kase di kami nakikinig sa mga kwentong Hanoi nya)! wahhh, maliligaw ba kami? No google map since we didn't have internet connection. We did ask, but the locals couldn't understand us. Taking the taxi was not an option, salbahe daw kase mga taxi drivers dun haha (naggeneralized naman ako, sorry na, nag iingat lang) . We passed by into a hotel, sabi ko magtatanong ako, my friend told me that she wanted to stop me so I can fix my magulong hair muna, baka daw di maniwala saken yung receptionist haha..  Good thing the receptionist was accommodating despite our language barrier, she searched the Internet to locate our Hotel and gave us vicinity map. That was a big help, without the map she gave us, baka nasa Vietnam pa rin kami ngayon haha. chos!

We paid for another suite room just to rest for few hours and freshen up before we head to Airport. Our driver fetched us 9pm of August 26. We literally just stayed 48hours in Vietnam.

Overall, it wasn't a perfect trip but I don't regret being there. I'll treasure the experience. It may not be my favorite travel but still, it made me happy (char! oo kaya) haha..

4th of September

I'm saddddd!!! haha.. what an intro, but I'm probably not here if I'm not..  I've felt this before that's why I know I'll get through this. I'm feelimng left alone, confuse, undecided and hanging! gah. I'll be fine.

our bowling yesterday and badminton this afternoon is atleast cheering me up.

good night.

My 9th of August 2019

August is both hectic and fun,  kase maraming holiday haha..  Surely it will end nang diko namamalayan..  And August is my birthmonth too,  happy and vain too,  kase ang tanda ko na pala..  Haha...  But grateful for this gift of life.

Having my newyborn nephew on the same day I was born is also a blessing..  (since CS yung sister ko,  sinadya nyang maging same bday kami para sagot ko na raw pabirthday nya haha)

Turned off my bday notification to my friends list but still I got these greetings. Some people say that your true friends could remember your birthday even when you don't speak to one another frequently.  That could be true, and overwhelming if they did..  But i understand too if they forget ,  duh,  theres so much things in these world to think about, hindi lang yung bday ko..  Hehe.. 

For those who Spent time greeting me..  thank you. 

Ang sipag ko magscreenshot..  Haha..  May advantage din pala pag konti ang nakakaalala..  Haha

i don't really celebrate my birthday but it's every 9th of August,  I feel like a bit special somehow.  Haha.. 

 To my officemates.  Thank you. 

To our new family member,  I pray for good health to both of us..