26th of October

 Felt this.  

16th October 2020

It's fun babysitting my nieces.. And we looked happy on this picture.. We are actually happy, and I'm happy having these two.  Kahit pa, not a single day na hindi ako nagiging referee,  magkasundo naman sila pero madalas din mag away... Yung wala ka dapat kampihan..   Yung sabay sila iiyak,  And the worst is pag nagpapakarga sila pag may sumpong, ang bigat kaya nung isa,  haha.

That concludes that being a Nanny is really tough.  But I'm happy having them.  They loved staying in my room, pag sobrang kulit na..  pinapalayas ko hahaha...  But I would miss them agad agad din..  I just loved them,  alhamdulillah for having them. 

Wala lang.  Sinasabi ko lang. 

 Now  there's something I know I am..  A dakilang Tita!  :)

Good night. 

 

Just Another Beautiful Nightmare

" So, I saw you in my dreams again.  But this time,  you waved your hand,  you smiled at me,  you've talked to me somehow.  But I woke up not remembering anything you've said. All I know is,  you were there.  Why do we sometimes forget the details of our dreams? And why do I see you in my dreams?  Now,  I'm wondering if by any chance I dropped by in your dreams as well,  maybe not,  maybe never. 

I wanted to tell you,  I saw you in my dreams. Would you be glad?  It's the only place,  you I can keep. 

I'm writing the words I doubt you would wan't to hear.  I just need it out of my thoughts. "

11th of October 2020

Alhamdulillah...  I'm thankful about everything...  I may not have all the things I wished for,  but it's okay.  Someday,  InshaAllah,  everything will be alright.   We'll be alright...  :)

For the moment,  I'm grateful of the things I'am blessed with. For today,  "No Movement Sunday" but had a great time with my family...  Gardening,  eating delicious food,  playing with my nieces and nephews,  Sho

pee!( may inorder nanaman ako haha),  had Banana-q  on our yard(despite the rain), chat friends (teh,  glends and marj) ...   At yun lang yun... But its something I have that I will surely wont trade for anything... 

Maybe I'm really getting old,  mga ganto na lang ang trip ko haha..  

Good night. 

Today's not so Okay.. but it's Okay

 

Sept 26, 2020

 I'm finally back to my senses..   Haha.. I was upset for about 3 weeks but now I'm feeling better.  Alhamdullillah.. 

Today,  i just had bonding moment with my nieces..  And my body aches a bit, coz my other niece is having her tantrums where she wants to be carried..  Eh ang bigat bigat nya..  Haha

Grocery time also with my sister and I cooked my favorite chicken dish... Medyo maalat nga lang,  pero napadami naman ako ng kain.. 

And I had also an unexpected good news,  Alhamdulillah.. 

Wala lang..  Yun lang.  Good night! 

I'M GETTING NOT SO NORMAL ON THIS NEW NORMAL

I wasn’t the best version of myself recently, actually I’m not sure if I’ve already reached that point in my life where I can say it’s the best version of myself.  But surely I’m the worst right now, everybody hates me as much as how I hated myself.  Don’t worry (oh, who’s worrying? Lol), I’m handling my terrible self well, controlling this  irrational act is tough coz I believed it’s already in my personality that attacking me from time to time, but I’ll take care of it. I just pray that this paroxysm will fade as soon as I can and when it happens I hope it’s not too late to fix the mess I caused because I can’t organize myself. I don’t want to be on that point where I couldn’t forgive myself, coz by now I’m already having resentment but I’m still not behaving righteously. Yes, despite that bad attitude I ‘m showing off, I’m really trying not to give up on my faith that everything will be okay, I struggle  so hard not to  entertain the whispers telling me that my prayers won’t be heard coz I’m being devilish (exaggerated? ). What’s exactly going on inside me head? I’m having the battle between good and bad, annoyed, irritated,  little miserable. And it happens everytime I’m feeling disappointed and I know exactly that I’m having the wrong reaction but I can’t help it. Am I crazy? Haha..

 

But I’m not here to tolerate this, I’m just writing to lighten up my heavy heart. I’m also taking advantage of the time, coz it’s when I think I could write a bit substantiated (but still terrible lol). The way I write is actually frustrating. When it’s one of the things I used to love but I can’t do it in the approved manner, it adds to this injury.

 

I’LL BE FINE… INSHAALLAH