I wasn’t the best version of myself recently, actually I’m not sure if I’ve already reached that point in my life where I can say it’s the best version of myself. But surely I’m the worst right now, everybody hates me as much as how I hated myself. Don’t worry (oh, who’s worrying? Lol), I’m handling my terrible self well, controlling this irrational act is tough coz I believed it’s already in my personality that attacking me from time to time, but I’ll take care of it. I just pray that this paroxysm will fade as soon as I can and when it happens I hope it’s not too late to fix the mess I caused because I can’t organize myself. I don’t want to be on that point where I couldn’t forgive myself, coz by now I’m already having resentment but I’m still not behaving righteously. Yes, despite that bad attitude I ‘m showing off, I’m really trying not to give up on my faith that everything will be okay, I struggle so hard not to entertain the whispers telling me that my prayers won’t be heard coz I’m being devilish (exaggerated? ). What’s exactly going on inside me head? I’m having the battle between good and bad, annoyed, irritated, little miserable. And it happens everytime I’m feeling disappointed and I know exactly that I’m having the wrong reaction but I can’t help it. Am I crazy? Haha..
But I’m not here to tolerate this, I’m just writing to lighten up my heavy heart. I’m also taking advantage of the time, coz it’s when I think I could write a bit substantiated (but still terrible lol). The way I write is actually frustrating. When it’s one of the things I used to love but I can’t do it in the approved manner, it adds to this injury.
I’LL BE FINE… INSHAALLAH
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