Just one of life's hardest times

As you grow old, you couldn’t exempt yourself in savoring the hardest things in life, one in that list is falling in love to someone you must not fall to… lets call that, the forbidden love. Because you are trying not to break the law, you rather choose to break your own heart.

 You could hardly breath, you could only cry at night to at least respire what suffocates you inside. You could only see him, listen to his voice, feel that stupid smile in your face when he looks at you but you can never say what you really feel about him. You couldn’t tell him how much you appreciate even the paper roses he gave you, nor the small pack of sugar he teasingly gave you—you could only ask him what are those for, though what you really want is to thank him and keep those silly stuffs.

You could only pretend that his existence doesn’t affect you at all when the truth is you don’t want him out of your sight. You would keep the wrapper of a one peso worth chocolate he gave you.You wouldn’t delete even the mindless message he sent you, but you couldn’t let him know any of those.

You could only watch him run his own life, see him fall to someone else while you are devastated, you couldn’t do a single thing, you never had the right to, you couldn’t oppose, you couldn’t fight, you could only cry your heart out!

And when he gets back to you, while his heart breaks too and he’ll ask for your friendship, you couldn’t yell at him, you couldn’t tell him that you hated him too somehow for breaking you heart , you would wanna curse yourself when you realized you are actually trying to comfort him.

You would love to spend few moments with him but your mind would want you to run away. Your mind will dictate this “stupid, don’t get used to it, you know this wouldn’t last for long, and when that happen, swear you gonna tear your heart into pieces all over again”

But your foolish heart will interrupt  and will tell you this“ it doesn’t matter now,  I know you’ll gonna lose him soon, but whether you distant yourself from him or not, still you’ll gonna break your heart, just gather memories of him so you’ll have something to look back someday, you must be happy even for a while….”

Now, are you having the same tough times? Or this girl I knew is the only one who’s into this…. I wish I know what to tell her.. I wish I could help her ease away the hurt she’s into.

But everyone is facing life's challenges, maybe this one goes to her.

maybe she's stupid

"Dear _______,

I’m sorry if I haven’t made you feel that I was into you. I haven’t said a single thing about how much I liked you, I did keep everything a secret because I was afraid I might hurt you someday for I am someone who can’t fight her love, especially in our case, we are living in different world.

You heard me right, I did it because I don’t want you to suffer and itI doesn’t matter even if it seems that it’s me who is actually hurting right now.

Love,

Ms. Stupid"

;)

Because there were many words l left unsaid, they piled up! And because they piled up, now I have nothing to say… oh, there’s one--- I just wished that I wouldn’t be able to miss that blue moon moment in my life…. And what could that be? I guess that’s better unsaid.

I'm On My Way To Forgetting You

You were once a reason why I smile

A reason why my heart throbbed when you’re around

You made me feel like I’m a fool

You puzzled me, but I was happy

Now, you’ve hurt me, how could you?

Like a child sitting on the shore

Throwing stones of pain, hope it will vanish so soon

Like a wonderer who thought the calm sea is friendly

When the truth is, it could drown her if she falls

Yah, you shattered my sweet dream and turned it to a nightmare

And now, I’m so sick of your presence

It’s a torture seeing you

I can’t run away, but to taste the bitterness

I could only pretend everything is fine

Coz soon, I know it will, surely I will

Coz I’m on my way to forgetting you.

^__^

I heard this everywhere and was sent to me thru text message for nth times. and just today. somebody sent it to me again..

This what they called PHILOSOPHY OF LOVE:

"KUNG HINDI MO MAHAL ANG ISANG TAO, WAG KANG MAGPAKITA NG MOTIBO PARA MAHALIN KA NYA."

"HUWAG MO NG BITAWAN ANG BAGAY NA HINDI MO KAYANG MAKITANG HAWAK NG IBA"

"KUNG MAGHIHINTAY KA NG MAGLALANDI SAYO, WALANG MANGYAYARI SA BUHAY MO, DAPAT LUMANDI KA DIN"

"PAG MAY MAHAL KA AT AYAW SAYO, HAYAAN MO! SA MGA SUSUNOD NA ARAW, AYAW MO NA RIN SA KANYA, NAUNAHAN KA LANG NYA."

"KUNG DALAWA ANG MAHAL MO, PILIIN MO YUNG PANGALAWA DAHIL HINDI KA NAMAN MAGMAMAHAL NG IBA KUNG MAHAL MO TALAGA YUNG UNA."

"PAG HINDI KA MAHAL NG MAHAL MO, WAG KANG MAGREKLAMO KASI MAY MGA TAO DIN NA DI MO MAHAL PERO MAHAL KA, KAYA QUITS LANG!"

those lines, they make sense right?? may tinatamaan ba?? haha... coz somehow i was hit too.. haha

so? am i wasting a page in my multiply for this? for I am someone who know nothing about corny love?! hahaha.... of course i know something about that stupid thing--love! in fact no matter how i guarded my heart, still, it was been broken many times... (ews!).. i guess that's part of being human right? i just dont make it obvious and i dont let it ruin me... it must not!

DEAR MR. EX

I must be crazy, I've been smiling alone with myself today. We were together last night with our friends, and I had some moments staring at you secretly. I sang in the Videoke Gabrille’s Out of Reach, that was for you, I hope you realized it. I saw you smiling while I'm singing, were you just teasing me because I'm murdering the song? 

That picture of you with your little sister you showed us that I joked I would take it (actually I'm not really joking, but i ended up giving it back to you), I really wanted to keep it, haha, fool me. I was so touched too when you said (or  kid me) that you’ll accompany me home, but when I refused to, you told me to text you when I’ll get home. I got excited to reach home so I can send you the message. But you didn’t reply, why? 

I think of you right now, how bout me, did I  cross your mind too? I wonder what were you thinking the night during our company outing in declaring "tayo na". I know that a was joke but why did you came up with that, why would you play around with me? I could hate you for that, because since then you distract me.

 and I guess I’m falling for you, or maybe I did already, I'm not so sure, or I'm just afraid to admit it. But baby,whatever it is, I just can’t let you know. We can’t be together. And I don’t want us to suffer.

I want also to tell myself to cut this foolish thing I have for you, or else I would hurt myself soon. I’m sorry.

Take care!

where the hell is my crazy little thing called love too???

If you loath corny and old school stuffs, then you better out of this page or else you’ll just throw up.. coz I almost too. Hahaha

I still can’t get enough of the movie A Crazy Little Thing Called Love.. I've been playing again and again my favorite scenes. I can now sense you’re starting to mock me coz I am so decade away from highschool. It made me a bit envious for not experiencing such foolish acts during my secondary years for I enrolled in an exclusive-for-girls school, as if I could relate, from being a bug face, maybe I could.. hehe

The movie is fantastic.. So simple and nothing really deep, but how it is being plastered into the big screen is amazing!.. I like the cast.

I don’t know why I see myself like Nam when she was at her ugliest stage.. hahahaha…, poor me. Her reactions or how she giggles also jog my memory of my ways every time I see my crush too during college.. (ofcourse I do have crushes too, I’m still normal huh), when she found out that Shone knew her name, I understand her retort. When she walks into the lobby of Shone’s classroom to make papansin, I can comprehend too.

When Nam confessed her love to Shone, I remember the crazy thought I almost get into, read this. I was also thinking what if I’ve tried doing that, what for, to humiliate myself?? Hehe

 Just wondering, has there any of my crushes in college felt the same way as mine?? just how clueless Nam that Shone liked her too.. in my case, I’m in delusion, “one sided love” will always be tagged on me.

And the button Nam  kept for years believing it was Shone’s reminded me of the wrapper of a small bread sticks I kept in  my first year college, coz that was from my classmate in math I secretly admiring. (hehe)

The scrapbook of Shone, I so love the idea… a guy would do that??? Or only Shone?

The finale… when Nam cried upon knowing Shone is waiting for her, it made me feel the greatness of love unfortunately I am lacking (hehe). Bad!

LOVE STORY????

My love story is something no one would wish they could be on my shoes. It’s as dull as Niagara Falls that once went dry. I have it so colorless nowadays or should I say for 26 long years. And I’m about to curse my soulmate by now whom I gotta feeling doesn’t really exist, or my stupid knight in shining armor, or my long lost, maybe forever lost prince charming.

Sometimes I get to face the mirror and asked, Am I that unpretty? Am I so mean as Cinderella’s step sisters? Or as wicked as Snow white’s step mother?

I’m almost on the edge of being so desperate I might come up a survey asking these people what’s wrong with me? Everybody has imperfections, but mine is kinda too much- that I assumed.

So I asked myself why.  and all I could answer were these –I am so damn shy! (hate to admit that), Misinterpreted to be snob or intimidating (but I’m not, o maybe lil), I don’t look appealing, just overly plain and simple, I don’t mingle, I am “kill joy”, I don’t give chance to those few (whom I believe first I’ll never feel the same way) who attempted to know me more, I am boring, I hardly handle responsibilities (but I’m not irresponsible either), so ideal and a dreamer….. oops, I never thought I could enumerate possible reasons as many as those.. hahaha.. so why doubt anyway?

But on the other hand, I never really care if I’ll get single forever, don’t really care if my hour glass would run out of dust. I half believed of destiny too.. If he reaches my destination, then fine, but if he doesn’t then fine too.

But there are just moments in my life I feel emptiness and incomplete,  just like don’t wanna grow old alone. So what now? Shall I wait for my destiny to work for me? Or I must make a move now (but how?) hahaha..

Whatever!