The Saddest Pain

It's been more than a week now since I've been feeling really sad.  This is about family member health issues.  All i can do is just pray really hard that everything gets well, that someone I loved so dearly will get through this.  I know things like this will happen,  I wasn't prepared,  I guess I'll never be prepared.  But this is how life is.

I'm just hoping,  the Almighty will give me strength to whatever will happen.  I pray that things will get better now or the soonest..

I used to be alone and I'm comfortable with it (as long as I know my loved ones are just one call away).. but these days it seems like I'm being suffocated, hard to breath. I don't wanna bother anyone for feeling this way. My family is having a hard time too, I can't add to that instead I must be strong, at least I need to pretend I am even if it's hard.

I know my trust in the Almighty must be stronger than my worries. He's all knowing, I believe this comes with a purpose.

One of the things I learned about this experience is to value the things we already have. I stopped demanding and complaining for other things that I don't have. I'm learning to accept my life status. Ive realized that I shouldn't worry about petty things coz  there's more about life that we should focus on. My connection to the Almighty is stronger now.

Tomorrow I  entrust to the Almighty Allah the result of this thing I am too afraid to face.. Insha Allah, everything will be okay.

Update: Dec 22, 2019
Alhamdulillah. Everything is okay now. Still praying and grateful. I've learned so much with this experience.

The Inevitable

The inevitable is now embracing me,
It's breaking me and tearing me to pieces
It's painful than my broken hearts.. 
Coz this inevitable might take away my true and  first love
I know this will happen, to everyone it will, some experienced it too early
But for my case, I'm not ready, I feel like I'll be paralyzed too.
All I can do now is pray, not to take it away so soon, not to take it so harsh
I know I don't deserve to make wishes be granted, but whoever this I am praying for deserves to be well, or at least to be not in pain. Oh, God, please don't break me too soon. I know You have purpose whether I'm ready or not. Make me strong. Make him strong. Forgive me for questioning. Forgive me for being so weak. Cut my other wishes, all I need is this prayer. My eyes have been dried. I was trying to keep it myself that I'm hurting real bad, but it's too painful to cover it with smiles. PLEASE. NOT TOO SOON. NOT TOO HARSH.