I'm 30!!!!

Because I'm officially 30, here's 30 things about myself, a sort of self reflection, my way of getting to know myself better.. you might have read this in my previous blog..  I'm writing them again.

1. I'm a late bloomer and when I started learning that I am, I felt like I'm aging so fast simultaneously. And I'm denial and a drama princess! Haha

2. I love blue and green, I love the sea, I love the sky and I love the sight of an enchanted forest... I'm a nature lover, though I'm amazed with big cities but I prefer simple living when I grow older.

3. I love to travel and I wish I could do it often.. I would love to do it with friends or family, but because no one really is available or with same interest as mine, I wish I could have that courage to do it alone. I'd like to know what's life out there.. and to do soul searching as well (corny, and yes I am corny).

4. Simple things like just watching the stars at night, taking a bus somewhere, the rain when I just have to stay home, sitting on the seashores  or beaches and feeling the air touching my skin are already pleasures to me.

5. I don't easily forget what people told or promised me, sometimes they'll forget or just pretended they forgotten, but I don't... and its not so me to remind them... maybe they've changed their minds or they have reasons and I don't wanna bother them.. Honestly, it frustrates me, but their decisions are not mine to manipulate. I'm a little forgetful on things that only affects my mind but not what strikes my heart (chos!).

6.  I hate loud people, I'm not so judgmental, I'm trying to be fair but there are instances I get to feel annoyed with people by just standing in front of me, I don't know.. And because I looked so serious as others define me, I loved people with good sense of humor, someone could make me laugh..

7. When my friends would tell me about other people, I'm being open minded and I'm trying not to be critical.

8. I may not be good at giving advice but I'm a good listener.  I can keep secrets if you want me to.. and I mean what I say, I hate being given with false hope, so I keep my words for as much as I can..

9. I'm not an attention seeker, I'm fine with just being a wallflower, it's okay if I wont get noticed... but when it comes to people who means to me, I hate being ignored.

10. Asking favor to other people is such a hard task for me, I always try to do things on my own unless I have no choice.. Sometimes, I hate asking..

11. I always consider what people would feel in every move or words I'll tell them.. what if I am in their position? I easily feel pity with less fortunate people, sometimes when I feel ungrateful, I would think of them.

12. I used to think I am kind, but I now maybe I'm really not.. I curse too.. I get mad too... Sometimes i looked snob too. I'm easily getting irritated but I always try to keep myself calm as much as possible....

13. I've been inlove and I'm still inlove with the thought of being inlove, people just dont know that. I'm a hopeless romantic and I got hurt too.. I'm so ideal about love, and I would tend to believe that someone out there is waiting for me no matter what... and because I believed in that, I'll be forever single hahaha!

14. I am officially an old maid! Unsure if it is by chance or by choice... maybe both...

15. I love kittens. It could melt my heart.. sad to know I couldn't adopt one in our boarding house.. I hate lizards and stray dogs too.

16. I'm an amateur pretender.. I hide my feelings when I thought its the right thing to do.. sometimes I could hurt my self by choosing what I knew should be rather than what my heart could feel.

17. I love to write... i'm not a good one, I misspelled words, I used wrong grammars, I write what's in my head and it humiliates me sometimes but its my only way to release what bothers me. I used to write short stories when I was small, wrote poetry in highschool, had a bunch of diaries in college, started online blogging in 2009... but no one really reads it but me or just few people..., except those short stories in my elementary days that were written in intermediate papers and my classmates would read them... isn't that cute?? Haha!

18. I'm that timid , shy and silent type... that's what people's first impression to me but what they don't know is, when I talk a lot, crack so many corny jokes, laugh out loud and tease you a lot... that's when you got me! I'm comfortable with few.. I've got few real friends.

19. I used to believe that you are weak when you cry, but I guess its really not, people got hurt and maybe they are ironically so coward to express it..
Watching sad movies could make me cry but I don't let anyone see and it hurts my throat.. haha.. but when I'm alone... I don't really mind if I would cry a river.

20. I'm not sure if I'm really independent and strong, but I pretended to be one.

21. I'm a dork! I'm a weirdo. I'm boring..I'am conservative..I'm an introvert... I'm not a happy go lucky person (but I am easy going).. I'm a kill joy...  I'm indecisive.. I consider lots of things.. I got my head banging.. I made my nose bleed...I think too much (but sometimes I don't at all) Am I turning you off now? Haha...  but I want to try do things that I don't usually do... I do crazy things too.. and sometimes I think I'm insane.

22. I wanna be beautiful, who doesn't want to??  But I don't make much effort to be one... I'm actually a little insecure. I have this a-little-not-so-right belief that once you are born ugly, you'll be forever be.. haha.. I'm not confident and I'm fed up hearing people telling me to take care and fix myself, but I do! maybe just not right... Would it make any difference? Anyway Am I that ugly?? I think so... but I also believe that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

23. I'm a civil engineer but I'm poor in numbers... I didn't dream to be one, it just happened. I thought it wasn't for me.. my lowest grades in highschool are subjects involve numbers... and in college, I failed many times.. haha

24. I love eating.. but there's so many foods that I don't eat, of course, aside from the forbidden pork, I hate vegetables, selected kind of fish etc. But once I love the food, I'm so "matakaw".

25. I love to read, I just dont have time.. i love reading other people's blog... I'm interested in other people stories.

26. I love listening to music.. i love watching movies... i watch movie sometimes alone...

27. I'm not that kind of person who demands a lot.. but when people give me something, especially those you didn't expect to give you anything, I appreciate it a lot. I'm good keeper.

28. Expect me to treat you well when you you're nice to me.. but sometimes I hated it when people are nice to me because i would thought I owe them something.

29. I easily forgive but not forgetful. I'm sensitive so I hate it when one is being insensitive! But I think I'm unpredictable.

30. I don't easily give up on friendship, but I don't push myself to people who don't want me in their lives, if they want me out then I wouldn't wait for them to make me feel unwanted.. On the other hand, I don't make friends with people because of reasons that I need them.. like I don't befriend my boss! Haha.. I know its a little awkward, I just don't want to.

That's it! That's a long one.. For sure it made you feel sleepy, I'm lucky if you made this far, I mean reading all 30.. haha... That's how I see myself, I just don't know how others describe me, maybe I am I thought I'm not, or the other way around....  Now love me or hate me...