when do I hate my self

i know i shouldn't be saying this, but I hate my self for many reasons.. I try to conquer it but it seems that the only good part of me is captivated...I always find my self uttering words that are against my will.. I hate my self for hurting the few people I loved.. I hate my self for being insecure... for having no confidence... I hate it when courage is runnning away from me... my being ignorant of many things, I hate the way I approached life.... my idleness! my being impatient!.. i hate it when i dont trust my self....I'm so much feeling guilty of having doubts in my faith.. I cursed my self for saying yes when I really dont want to...  I despise it when I keep on grumbling on things that I can no longer do something  about it... Regrets are normal, but moving on is the key.... but  I dont, I let my failures overpower me.. in the middle of the crowd, I cant stand tall, people swarming around disgusts me.. I dont take risk...my fears are swallowing me... my weaknesses are drowning me... the world hates... anyway, why am I writing this down? I dont know, maybe because I can write more on reason why I loathed my very own self rather than reason why I love it... ofcourse, I hate that too... but that's reality.. I hope one day, I'll be erasing those reasons one by one... I hope someday, I will be able to overcome them... I dream... I wish.... I hope.... I must pray...