ECHOS LANG!
here i am again, watching you
and i'll never get tired of it
i know I will never be with you, not even touch your hands
not even you eyes
You are not real, I want to tell my self,and I want to believe it
But I see you, and it breaks my heart so bad
I love you, I hope I'm not
I want to let you go, but how
you never been mine
(RSPEI vs MDCC-ICMI)
Working Environment
I was so exposed with many kind of environment during my first job, I was not only staying in a non-air-conditioned office (we only got ACU a month before I resign) but roam around in our different project sites. I was so exhausted then, I had to be on the site feeling the heat of the sun, inhaling the smoke coming from our different machines and equipments, and dealing with different kind of labours and engineering inspectors. And if not on field, I have to comfort my self in a not-so- comfortable office, with your hard copies of files and plans being scattered by our big electric fan, so bad that they purchased an ACU when I’m about to leave, and we share computer units, and sometimes you found your self stumbling upon stepping and hitting handy tools and other materials, yeah our office was so small there’s no room for other materials.
Well, in my current job, it’s more convenient, what would you expect, I’m in Makati now, though it isn’t the best.. This time, it’s fully air-conditioned and we were provided with computers individually. But the room is not that wide, tables are not big enough to accommodate our engineering plans when you’re spreading it and the sample tiles, woods, stones are everywhere. But this time, no more inhaling dust and smoke, office works only.
Co workers
I was so bored before, aside from our big boss, I was the only engineer in the office, there were no one I can share or ask something about our profession, I mean my other officemates were not engineers. I can still remember how irritated I am to our secretary who claimed herself superior, she’s the “right hand” of our boss, really “sip sip”. Mess with her and you’ll find her running to the boss..
I guess villains and mean people are always around, in my present job, a witch will spoil your day, but of course I wont let her ruin mine... she maybe the long lost sister of our secretary in my previous job... anyway, I am not that feeling weary like before, we were six new engineers who were hired in the same month, and fortunately we are enjoying everyone’s company.... that made it dealing with the witch not so stressful.
I can say with no hesitation, no second thoughts that I was so pressurized and stressed a lot in my first job. I found the meaning of multi tasking in there, you must do or accomplish something everyday, you must be always on action, that I still have to work on already finished task, I even redraw what was perfectly drawn before, just to do something, so you’ll be saying something when you’re asked by your iron hearted boss what did you do the whole day...
Today, pressures are less. My position is fixed, my responsibility is limited only to the position given to me, quantity surveying and costing. When there are no upcoming bids, you can explore the internet,( internet connection to my computer in my previous job was a no-no), you don’t have to act as if you’re busy.
Nature of Work
I was an office engineer as well as resident engineer in my first... I am tasked to do most of the things, I was doing project estimates, preparing bid documents, pert cpm, work/manpower/equipment schedule, construction methods, billing and accomplishments reports, as built plans with the aid of autocad, updating construction materials availability and prices, even monitoring and supervising field works... simple, isn’t it?
Now, I am hired as Cost and Value Engineer. Wholly quantity surveying and costing, add to that this special non sense task assigned by the witch, filing! Don’t have to take that seriously, hey witch, I’m not a clerk! Anyway, I don’t have to leave my seat the whole day.
Relationship with the Boss
My boss before was a freak! Just kidding, just want to call him that way... Everybody is afraid of him, his presence brings you into a panicking mode (lol), expect him to yell each day, that completes his day, I assumed! Compliments were not stored to his vocabulary, and mind you, he’s always right, that no matter how you explain and prove yourself, you’ll not gonna win. Maybe that was his defence mechanism, from what???? Surely, you know. I just laugh every time I remember this incident when he told me that he’ll rate me zero in terms of cleanliness in the site, that was after he almost slip while walking on the demolished objects and scattered batter boards filed on the certain area of the project site, if you could only see his face struggling from kissing the ground...I’m sorry sir, but the construction is still on progress, we can’t avoid that mess, and you haven’t provided enough space for that (or maybe it was my responsibility).
The big bosses of my new company now aren’t always present in our office, they have their own separate offices... but as far as my observation is concern, they are very professional and as they claimed, they are approachable. We only got our immediate supervisor to watch over us.
Benefits
Both, not satisfactory. That’s why I’m still looking for another job.
Working Schedule
When I was reporting to office in my previous job, every minute counts, that when you’re late for about 1 second, that’s converted to one hour for your deduction.. Office hours was 7:30-5:00, but I never experienced going home at exactly 5, rejoice, if you can at 5:30.. So I always escape, when the boss is out between 5:30 to 6, I hurried myself to be out of the office. To hell with the raising eyebrows of the secretary! Overtime is very rampant as well, that on my second day, they had me at the office till eleven in the evening. But when I was assigned to the project site, that’s 7am-5pm, I’m always late, who knows? I was the one holding my own time as well as my people, Just don’t let the freak boss get into the site before you get there. I’m only punctual when there is a critical activity.. and what’s nice is, 5pm is 5pm, people stop working unless you’ll pay them overtime (at office, you need to reach 7pm before you can file it as overtime), so I leave the site at 5 too, and I turn off the company issued cell phone immediately to avoid a call from the secretary to tell you come over to the office or a discouraging sermon from the monster boss..
At my present job, office hours is 8am-5pm... I’m always late, but that’s fine, we are granted with flexible time, you can always offset your time in the afternoon to cover up your lates.. Not so much overtime.
Learning
Obviously, I learned a lot from my previous job, that’s the good thing on that. You’ve read above the great difference in the nature of work of my two jobs.... I thank my monster boss on that.. I know he’s not that gruesome...
Yah, I know, I have no right to call you mine… you wouldn’t know it anyway… But I like you a lot, corny it may sound, but now I know how human melts with your looks… well, I know it will pass, just like those old crazy feelings I’ve felt for Vic Zou, Jun Pyo and even to the anime characters, Dennis and Rukawa.. Aint that stupid?!
Anyway, what’s truly stupid is I’m 25, old enough not to act this way… But, every time I see you, truly, it’s like I’m being thrown up and away to the evergreen… lol… see, how absurd the words I am uttering now..
You’re my ideal and my dream. You’re the kind of person I always wish to meet, yes your role as Bi Dam, you will be my prince charming though you’re not a prince. You will be my rescuer, my knight in shining armor. You’re eyes, just seeing them gives me strength, and makes me weak as well… but I know, you don’t really exist… I mean, you Bi Dam… Kim Nam Gil does exists…. But million miles from me…
Confuse, whose taking my breath away?... the most unreal, my Bi dam… But since, Kim Nam Gil is playing his role, I like him as well…
So, what now?.. I don’t know…
Hey Kim Nam Gil, I had no idea of you but your role as Bi Dam in Queen Seon Deok , and you are taking my breath away every time I see you. There are many things I want to tell you, but how??? You’re a star, and I’m just a dust here on Earth, and that breaks my heart… but I’ll be very satisfied if you’ll be able to read this, but I know you still cant, the least I can do is to whisper it to the wind and to the stars.
I sleep late every night to watch your show, and it melts my heart every time you appear, at the same time it hurts me so bad that I can never reach you. I can only watch you and you will never have a single glimpse or even an idea of my existence…
Sound may selfish, but I hate it when people go crazy over you, it’s making the distance between us more impossible… I know I shouldn’t, I don’t owe you and you would never ever recognize me.
I was so loveless, and I thought I don’t care, I am contented, but when I got to see you, it seems that, I’m losing something that I really can’t explain.
There is something in you that I’d like to see forever, and I’m crazy, can you be my soulmate?
You’re my ideal and my dream. You’re the kind of person I always wish to meet, yes your role as Bi Dam, you will be my prince charming though you’re not a prince. You will be my rescuer, my knight in shining armor. You’re eyes, just seeing them gives me strength, and makes me weak as well… but I know, you don’t really exist… I mean, you Bi Dam… Kim Nam Gil does exists…. But million miles from me…
I have your picture on my laptop, and I stare at you right now… and it only breaks my heart….I want to be different, so you might feel me, but I’m not. I struggle for words that might impress you in case a genie would grant my wish you’ll read this… I don’t wish for you to be here, I know very well the meaning of impossible… I don’t hope you’ll even wonder if someone like me exists, if a falling star would make my wishes come true, then the sky might be cleared, all the stars should fall first, so you’ll hear them… I am so far from being perfect, only few people appreciate my ways, and no guy had ever made me feel that love is beautiful and I don’t hope for it, not until I saw you..
Crazy me must stop this…. Anyway, I hope your doing fine, I hope you’re happy… be happy…
Anyway, what’s truly stupid is I’m 25, old enough not to act this way… But, every time I see you, truly, it’s like I’m being thrown up and away to the evergreen… lol… see, how absurd the words I am uttering now..
So, what now?.. I don’t know…
