...and I need a good friend

Yeah, I need someone to tell me what to do right now but it seems that got no friends anymore, let me rephrase that, no one’s available, I have very few (true and reliable) and yet no one is so available, I don’t even think if they would even remember me.. haha, there I go again on my old unending dramas, and  maybe this so called friends of mine got so irritated and sick of my growling and ranting non sense here… so they runaway and hide.

I once thought that I am an exception of “no man is an island”, I must be pretending, that was a defense mechanism I guess.

My random thoughts now are driving me crazy. I couldn’t make up my mind as always. Should I go or should I not??! To where? In a far far away land.. hehe.. I was weighing things but I still find them in equilibrium. Its making me so doubtful.. I’m running out of time I know.

This is supposed to be a good day… But I can’t start things right. This morning I woke up heavy hearted, still upset with my boss. I couldn’t believe he won’t cease on teasing me ( I couldn’t even tell what) when I said enough. I’m so much fed up with his jokes. I know I shouldn’t, “ang pikon laging talo”, but not everyone would accept his being mean… errrr…. I’m so annoyed! And I think I would add that to my list why I should leave the company soon.

Its noon, but I haven’t accomplished anything with sense. I tried to book a plane ticket online, there’s a promo but I didn’t click the go yet… sigh

I need help here….. Come on friends!

I WANT A LIFE

I don’t know if this is exactly what I want, or maybe I’m just too blind to see… I’m not happy, but not that miserable as well. I know it’s only me, I’m a having a battle with myself. Sometimes I thought I knew what to do but I ended up doing nothing. I’m running out of courage, my weakness is cloaking me, damn, I can’t move on! I play safe, but I still break my heart. I’m not growing up, just growing old, and it distresses me. Regrets happen in every ending of a decision, but in my case I regret now, coz I couldn’t even come up a resolution. What’s wrong with me?

 I’m dreaming, I’m wishing and I’m hoping and I think I’m crying my heart out coz I know those are not the way to reach the pedestals of my desired happiness, I need to make a move, I need to do something. If I don’t take chances then nothing will change, I will be stuck.

O somebody tell me what I can do to have that guts for me to realize the right things to do. I want a LIFE!

I’m praying.

Goodbye 2011, Hello 2012

Honestly , 2011 didn’t make a big blast on me, it was fine, neutral and a bit dull. It was the year I found myself working not because I was satisfied and enjoying it but because people need to work. I’m not complaining with my kind of job, as a matter of fact the  reason why I’m still here is because I’ve got no problem with it (but I don’t find fulfillment on it either).

So, how was my 2011?

This was the year, I thought I’ve come up with a decision, that’s venturing abroad, I was planning of submitting my resignation letter this January 2012 but I went hesitant again. So, there’s no resignation letter till at this very point of time.

This year, my mom and I supposed to have an out of the country trip----but for some reasons. We didn’t make it.

This year, I’ve got myself involved in a silly deal, I have fallen for someone, and I broke my heart too.... haha.. gross right?

Same year, where I first tasted an alcoholic drink... sssshhhh.. just to cut my curiousity why people are addicted to it (after 26 years!), and i dont think I'm gonna have a shot of it again, aside from its forbidden, i don't see myself liking it either.

I found new friends in my workplace; unfortunately they resigned this year as well.

This year, I’m starting to get matured, I’m realizing my dreams (you know I’m a late bloomer) but I’m still working out being confident.

So, that’s it, goodbye 2011..

Hello 2012! New Year’s resolution? Let me check first the progress of my 2011 resolutions.

Anyway, I’m hoping to finally fix my mind. Go abroad, if not earlier this year then maybe on middle or on the quarter.

I want a new life……

HAPPY NEW YEAr!!!

WISH

wish I can do this and say out loud too:

"“Please help me forget you! I have longed for you enough that I should move on! Please help me let you go!”

-got this from someone I dont know...