17 na pala.

 I'm feeling tired.. feeling sick.

Kaya bukas na lang. Good night na.

14th of April

So finally my resignation letter was signed by my Project Managers ( DP & NPP3 Project) and my Area Manager too.... I should be happy... pero yung totoo... I felt like crying the whole day (syempre, pinilit kong walang makapansin kaya secret lang natin yun)... Not that I hoped they had stopped me (coz they shouldn't) but maybe because I'm finally saying goodbye to everyone... to my few friends here, for my almost 6 years of employment here. This is my 3rd submission of resignation, I still remember how happy I was when I submitted my letters on my previous two companies because I really want to go.... but this time, my heart breaks a bit... ewan ko ba... akala ko ba gusto ko to?  Oo naman.. gusto ko to.

Last February, I've verbally informed my P.Ms and A.M of my plan of resigning this May, I felt relieved at that time, happy, yes! though they seem not to agree... but I was so sure then... and at that moment,  haven't noticed  WJL yet (can I call him that way na? Diko alam ano itatawag ko e).. could it be him why I'm feeling sad???  Hayssttt bakit ba lagi na lang akong nalulungkot... lagi na lang akong broken hearted.. haha... pero konti na lang maiinis na ako sa kanya.

Bakit nga ba ang saklap ng love story ko? Paulit ulit na lang mali... sagutin mo nga ako. Masama ba talaga ako? Masama ba talaga personality ko??? Hahaha... wag mo na pala akong sagutin.. alam ko naman ang sagot.. umaarte lang ako.. depressed nanaman kase ako kaya kung anu ano pinagsasabi ko.

Anyway, been busy today.. we had a meeting .. and I need to work overtime dahil sa cost report.. and Mac stayed in our department while almost everyone was already out.... he said, he missed me.. lately kase di kami masyado nagpapansinan... maybe it started nung minsang nainis ako sa kanya... kaya diko masyado pinagpapapansin.. he was wondering bat ang suplada ko this past few days.. sabi ko na lang, he should get used to it because soon they won't be seeing me anymore... (it's so true.. I might not see them ever again)... he took it seriously kaya di ako pinagpapansin... but this afternoon he talked to me.. he'll gonna miss me daw kase.. I'm so touched...  Mac is just one of those very few male friends na macoconsider kong true friend.. i've got few male friends.. mga tatlo. Haha... and he's one of them.. yung tipong I can be my worst me... He asked me, am I happy in confirming my resignation?? I answered Yes! (Sa loob ko nagsisinungaling ba ako? Gusto kong bawiin..) but when he replied Good.. diko na binawi sinabi ko.. sabi ko na lang.. mamimiss ko lang kayo. Yun lang naman yun e, I must be firm with my decision.. pero nakakalungkot din pala... or sadya lang talagang malungkutin akong tao. Haha.. ayos lang...

Anyway, ano nga ba plano ko after ng resignation ko... hmmm.. siguro, magdidisconnect na ako sa madla?? Magtatago? Magmumukmok? Magdedeactivate ng social media?? Kakalimutan ko na mga pangarap kong di ko mawari? Lilimutin ang lahat?? Hahahaha. Napakaharsh ko naman.. joke lang.. pwedeng mangyari pero wag kang mag alala (kung nag-aalala ka man) pipilitin kong wag gawin... pipilitin kong maging masaya.. pipilitin kong gawin kung anong dapat kong gawin... maarte lang naman ako sa blog ko. Pero I'm so fine... ako pa ba??? Haha

Anyway, eto lang nagpangiti saken ng sincere sa araw na to... ang cute nila? Tingin ko diko naman kelangan ng lovelife.. kelangan ko ng kuting! Hehe

hindi na kase ako natutuwa kay WJL.. masyado na rin syang nag iinarte. Haha.. pero gusto ko pa rin sya. .. haha

good night na.. sana maisip nya ako. Hahaha.. mamimiss kaya nila ako pag wala na ako? Mamimiss mo ba ako? :)

12 April 16

I've edited my previous blog because its so magulo! Haha... just feeling exhausted kase when I wrote it at wala nga sana akong planong ipublished sya...

Anyway... I don't know why I feel so upset since Sunday night...  naiinis kase ako... basta naiinis ako at naiinis pa rin ako... pero ayos lang naman...

Finally, I've submitted my resignation letter.. My P.M said, bat ang aga ko raw pinasa... sabi ko it should be 60 days notice diba? As what our A.M told me before... actually I've 48 days left.. tama ba calculation ko?? Ayoko na mag-isip. Haha

Then when our A.M saw me.. he was acting as if he'll gonna hurt me.. sabi kase nya.. nagpasa na raw ako bakit hindi ko inabot sa kanya eh sya naghire saken... I said it was addressed to him... pinareceived ko lang sa docs... hintayin nya. Haha

Ayun lang.. then afternoon the Engineering Head was there.. probably my A.M told her... because she passed by at our department smiling at me na parang may gustong ipahiwatig... she said may utang daw ako sa kanya bago sya nagpaalam...

Ayun ulit.. tapos? Wala na.. ganon lang yun kadali...

Antok na ko. Good night!!!

I think I'm really falling for someone I must not but I'm saying goodbye

I made this blog last night but wasn't able to publish it... because it may not be appropriate but now I'm posting it.. who cares anyway?? Haha

___________________________________________________

I'll write this blog though I felt my heavy heart... but I have to start this.

Not much to do at work today.. I printed my resignation letter but I don't know why i turned out to be unsure this time... I became afraid of the future, what will I do after this?? And that one thing I know could make me happy--traveling,  I might give up on that too... and most especially, I won't be seeing "him" anymore.... (him as in  Mr. I don't know what to call him).

We had our outing last Saturday and Sunday... it was a long ride and he was on the other service.. I may never had a real moment with him but I was contented by just seeing him around...  I first heard him called my name when he assisted me on transferring the food on the another container.. Hearing him say my name is the sweetest word I've heard from him... :)

I'm fine with that quick moment he sat almost beside me without even saying anything, that moment he went near me looking at the hotdogs I was frying like he wanted to help... that moment we cut and chopped some spices where I couldn't cut the onions well because his presence disturbs me... yes, I wasn't doing it well, would he think I'm such a lousy useless girl???..

Anyway, I wish he feels better now.. he was a bit sick yesterday.. some kinda of a food poison just like the others.. got so worried about him... but I couldn't do anything about it..  Today, I wanted to ask him if he's okay but I was failed... and now I'm filled with regrets I wish I had asked him at least he'll know that I care... Coz I really do.

I don't know when did I start feeling "this" with someone so stranger to me.. I don't believe in love at first sight and I still don't want to believe in that.... but all i know was... the first time I saw him looking at me "that way" was one of the very few good things happened at me in this project (i don't even wanna say that), you know how I hated being here.... I don't even wanna hear my self say such corny stuffs but he really got me.

I honestly couldn't really figure out what I really feel about him.. I know I'm too old not to know it but it's too early to conclude as well... I know nothing about him for me to invest my feelings for.... but I'm sure that I'm happy having him around...

Anyway, that's it.. keep my secret safe with you.. I don't wanna talk about this anymore with people who wouldn't understand me.. I know I'm not as normal as everyone... what I have said may not be possible for most people.. that I'm just wasting my time writing stuff like this... that feeling so affected by someone you barely know is insane....so this things I'll entrust to you... that probably you know what I mean.... I hope you know what I mean.

Despite all this. I'll be doing the bravest thing I could do, letting go of something I love or someone I love??... so tomorrow, I'll be submitting my resignation.

SO HELP ME GOD.

diko alam anong date ngayon

Just about to change my outfit when I decided to take a selfie... nanganak na yung pimple ko oh!! Haha.. I don't wanna look at my face pag ganyan but instead of not wanting to look at it... i faced it.. so I took a selfie..

I'm feeling tired right now.. I met marj a while ago, namiss na raw nya ako... and I missed her too.. she told me I looked so thin nanaman.. kainis! Haha.. at sya sabi ko mataba pa rin... and she's frustrated. Haha..

Anyway, I went home today so I can get my things para dun sa outing ng QC / Operations Dept this Saturday... Mela asked me to join.. pero nahihiya pa rin ako kase ako lang yung taga Commercial Department.. diko naman kase kaclose yung iba...  pero wala naman din kase akong gagawin this saturday and sunday... bahala na.

GOOD NIGHT!

3rd of April

Say hi to my funny face and that huge pimple on my cheek.. it was a lazy day for me.. woke up past 12 noon.. and now have nothing to say..

I don't wanna go to work anymore... I really hate the way things work there. It's only because of someone why I keep going..

and how can I go to Japan if I'll be resigning soon... ?errr.. I'm actually giving up too many dreams of mine because of my upcoming decisions....

GOOD NIGHT!

April Fool's!!

Just got home and it seems that it's obligatory for me to post a blog on the first day of April... I'm actually feeling exhausted for this and actually I have really nothing to blog about but I have so much random emotions ....

So here I am again.. my words left unspoken to 6 different people.

1. I used to think that maybe that is just your way of managing your staff... I've heard negative feedback about you but I didn't really mind that, I don't wanna be judgmental, I'm trying to understand you not until yesterday. I was so upset with you. How could you suggest that stupid solution in solving the lapses or the problem of that certain department... shouldn't you be analyzing the cause of delay first?? Instead you are declaring the 14 to 16 hours working routine?? and you will issue a memo for that?? What's wrong with you? Disappointing! It shouldn't affect me since I'll be resigning soon but what about them?? I don't think that would be healthy and productive... you will only waste the company's money paying the people who actually couldn't work well, you are only stressing them... and even the electric consumption will be wasted too.. As for me, I don't really mind working overtime if needed and not because you told me so.... and what's mostly annoying is, you referred that particularly to those who are staying at the staff house...  I hope you know what "malasakit" means... or maybe I'm just too sensitive... sorry if I am.

2. I know or maybe you are proud of us, our team...  what we had in our previous project.. which kinda had that "system"  far from what we had now... and you want me to help  make things better here.. I'm sorry if I couldn't... I'm sorry if I'm losing my effort... I wanted to... not because I'll be leaving soon but because I'm not the right person to do it.

3. Yeah, I'm gonna miss you too.. no matter how you annoy me most of the time but I'm gonna miss you too.. thanks for the opportunity.. for being so good in calming my senses when I'm actually mad at you.. You're just so good at that.. I salute you.. how you manage things and your personnel is something I could look up to.. I could have leave you long time ago but I didn't.. see? How good I am in keeping my words..? I've been really fed up but I survived it.. we had a verbal agreement and I didn't fail you... so just let me go now..  don't make it so hard for me.. because  it's really hard leaving when seeing you and the others trying to stop me... I'll be happy and sad too because I'm so used to being part of that team.

4. I was thinking if I still hate you... I didn't want to but maybe I still do hate you. I'm sorry if I am... I was trying not to hate anyone... maybe I don't really despise you...  maybe you just hurt my feelings that deep I couldn't set things free.. swear I'm trying to let go of the heartaches you've caused me... and I'm almost there.. I wish you had talked to me.. not to patch things up because I know it couldn't be fixed.. but at least you could just say goodbye... was it really that hard to bid your farewell? I'm a loser too... but what you just did actually left me hanging on the middle of nowhere.. you made me chose between letting go and holding on... and I ended up on the hardest part.. not knowing which to choose.. ow, I think I'm just too stupid to admit that I actually know what to do but deep inside me, I didn't want to do it... I'm a fool..  I'm actually okay, sometimes I'm just being exaggerated...  I don't really care now.. I wasn't actually expecting that I could write this lengthy... I thought I have not much to say anymore about you... it clearly says that no matter how I forget things now, you're still there at some corner of my heart.... and I remembered you at this very moment because I needed to complete the list of the people I want to say my words left unspoken to. Be well.. never mind my ranting... just close your eyes and forget me and just be happy... coz despite how I say a lot of bad things.. I'm alright.. and I'm still brave enough to face our cruel fate..

5. I'm sorry for what I've said earlier.. I'm just upset.. I didn't mean to act childish... I don't know why its too hard for me to be composed when I'm being teased... Sorry again.

6. Despite these drama's I've said above... you are like my medication.. Remembering your face could make my heart race.. I'm still thinking what are you doing in my life now?? Are you a test to keep my decision in tact? Or you're a blessing to help me go on with my everyday at work... I could go absent... be late.. go home early but I don't want to because I want to see you.. How could you make my dull and upset mood into something beautiful by just seeing you almost near me? I don't know I'm going stupid.. anyway, I'll be leaving soon.. in case you don't know.. ofcourse you don't know.... you are really making it so tough for me... coz there's really something about you I'm afraid I won't be able to know. You will be missed...