I think I'm really falling for someone I must not but I'm saying goodbye

I made this blog last night but wasn't able to publish it... because it may not be appropriate but now I'm posting it.. who cares anyway?? Haha

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I'll write this blog though I felt my heavy heart... but I have to start this.

Not much to do at work today.. I printed my resignation letter but I don't know why i turned out to be unsure this time... I became afraid of the future, what will I do after this?? And that one thing I know could make me happy--traveling,  I might give up on that too... and most especially, I won't be seeing "him" anymore.... (him as in  Mr. I don't know what to call him).

We had our outing last Saturday and Sunday... it was a long ride and he was on the other service.. I may never had a real moment with him but I was contented by just seeing him around...  I first heard him called my name when he assisted me on transferring the food on the another container.. Hearing him say my name is the sweetest word I've heard from him... :)

I'm fine with that quick moment he sat almost beside me without even saying anything, that moment he went near me looking at the hotdogs I was frying like he wanted to help... that moment we cut and chopped some spices where I couldn't cut the onions well because his presence disturbs me... yes, I wasn't doing it well, would he think I'm such a lousy useless girl???..

Anyway, I wish he feels better now.. he was a bit sick yesterday.. some kinda of a food poison just like the others.. got so worried about him... but I couldn't do anything about it..  Today, I wanted to ask him if he's okay but I was failed... and now I'm filled with regrets I wish I had asked him at least he'll know that I care... Coz I really do.

I don't know when did I start feeling "this" with someone so stranger to me.. I don't believe in love at first sight and I still don't want to believe in that.... but all i know was... the first time I saw him looking at me "that way" was one of the very few good things happened at me in this project (i don't even wanna say that), you know how I hated being here.... I don't even wanna hear my self say such corny stuffs but he really got me.

I honestly couldn't really figure out what I really feel about him.. I know I'm too old not to know it but it's too early to conclude as well... I know nothing about him for me to invest my feelings for.... but I'm sure that I'm happy having him around...

Anyway, that's it.. keep my secret safe with you.. I don't wanna talk about this anymore with people who wouldn't understand me.. I know I'm not as normal as everyone... what I have said may not be possible for most people.. that I'm just wasting my time writing stuff like this... that feeling so affected by someone you barely know is insane....so this things I'll entrust to you... that probably you know what I mean.... I hope you know what I mean.

Despite all this. I'll be doing the bravest thing I could do, letting go of something I love or someone I love??... so tomorrow, I'll be submitting my resignation.

SO HELP ME GOD.