wondering?

wondering?

who do you think would get the trophy when the strongest man that could free himself from any form of captivity is trapped in a cage that is designed no one could ever escape????  well im just wondering........

how would it feel lying in a bed......... a flying  soft bed, down there is a beautiful lake, surrounded by the green forest, you can hear the chirping birds, feel the touch of the cool breeze.............

one day, you'll find a mysterious door... and when you open it..... a different world welcomes you...you'll find out that their long lost princess they've been searching for is nobody but you!... cool

Stranded in an elevator with your favorite star..

When you go around the world for free......... no limitations... sky is the limit... really great!

when do I hate my self

i know i shouldn't be saying this, but I hate my self for many reasons.. I try to conquer it but it seems that the only good part of me is captivated...I always find my self uttering words that are against my will.. I hate my self for hurting the few people I loved.. I hate my self for being insecure... for having no confidence... I hate it when courage is runnning away from me... my being ignorant of many things, I hate the way I approached life.... my idleness! my being impatient!.. i hate it when i dont trust my self....I'm so much feeling guilty of having doubts in my faith.. I cursed my self for saying yes when I really dont want to...  I despise it when I keep on grumbling on things that I can no longer do something  about it... Regrets are normal, but moving on is the key.... but  I dont, I let my failures overpower me.. in the middle of the crowd, I cant stand tall, people swarming around disgusts me.. I dont take risk...my fears are swallowing me... my weaknesses are drowning me... the world hates... anyway, why am I writing this down? I dont know, maybe because I can write more on reason why I loathed my very own self rather than reason why I love it... ofcourse, I hate that too... but that's reality.. I hope one day, I'll be erasing those reasons one by one... I hope someday, I will be able to overcome them... I dream... I wish.... I hope.... I must pray...

what do I live for

My time so wasted, doing nothing, afraid of taking risk, I’m so stuck. 25 long years, still my existence vague to me.. I don’t know what am I still doing here, being a burden to anyone, useless.. I used to think that my family is the only reason I can see for my living….. but if I only cause them these troubles, then I rather disappear.. these miseries, blame on me… I know its all my fault… Maybe that’s my purpose here, to cause pain.. I know, I’m making it complicated… but I just can’t help it… I guess that’s really who I am.. Most of my actions are contradicting to what I really fee… so damn hate it..

10 Situations That Irritate Me

1. When somebody insisted me to do the things I had already refused to….when I say NO, I mean it.
2. When watching a movie and someone who already watched the movie keep on talking about what will happen next.
3. When I am being forced to wear an outfit that I’m not comfortable with.
4. When I’m in the middle of my explanation and I am being interrupted.
5. When I speak and no one would listen….I rarely talk, so why can’t listen just once
6. When I’m in a bad mood and I am being annoyed.
7. When I am unjustly criticized… criticism is fine, just don’t make it vulgar.
8. When somebody outsmarted me in the way that they would act superior as if I know nothing, don’t brag, I might not say a word but I know a thing too.
9. When somebody is being so insensitive, but too much sensitivity too can be so irritating sometime.
10. When I am being approached sarcastically..

TOP3 favorite whatevers

Movies

1. Twilight
2. A Walk to Remember
3. Yesterday’s Children

Korean Movies

1. Windstruck
2. A Moment to remember
3. Sassy Girl

Horror Movies

1.      Shutter (Asian Version)

2.      Drag me to Hell

3.      The Eye

Series

1.      Prison Break

2.      Alias

3.      Ghost Whisperer

Reality Shows

1.      Survivor

2.      America’s Next Top Model

3.      Fear Factor

Anime Series

1.      Slam Dunk

2.      Ghost Fighter

3.      Rave

Fairy Tales

1.      Cinderella

2.      Pinocchio

3.      Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

Singer

1.      Jewel

2.      Lene Marlin

3.      Michelle Branch

Band

1.      The Corrs

2.      Cranberries

3.      Beatles

Food Chain

1.      Jollibee

2.      McDonalds

3.      KFC

GREATEST in my life

Achievement:

            I haven’t achieve it yet… but atleast passing the board exam is already an achievement.

 

Goal:

            Reach the stars!! Haha… im only an ordinary person with complicated thoughts, that made it hard for me to reach my goal… in the very first place, I don’t know what really my goal is…. But since this is question to be answered… I just want a stable life, enjoyable job, I don’t know, I just want fulfillment…. And I guess that’s my goal now, to realize that fulfillment.

 

 Dreams:

            I have this greatest dream of circumscribing the world! And that what makes it a dream literally…. Do dreams come true? I hope so..

 

Fear:

            Losing loved ones..

 

Asset:

            My family…

 

Secret:

            No way to tell you!

 

Embarrassment:

            I have so much of it…. Maybe the greatest, the one during graduation day… when I stepped down on the center stage instead at the side…. I can still remember those people yelled at me… haha

 

Worst Moment:

            Our Group report in one of my subjects on my last semester…. It wasn’t only worst but really shameful and disgusting… Do you know the feeling of answering the questions of everyone trial and error, because some of the questions are not supposed to be mine but have to answer it because your group mates wont do a damn thing to help you.. Don’t want to elaborate… must get through it…

 

Regret:

            I used to regret my being an engineering student then… I always thought it wasn’t meant for me… I had worst moments, not even enjoying it… but I have it now… but, don’t get me wrong… knowing that I passed the board exam was one of the best days of my life.

 

Illusion:

            I am CINDERELLA…. Hahaha…

 

Crush:

            Is this category not out of place?… the real one? I have many…. But the greatest WAS Bsfrn J….. haha..

 

Lie:

            I haven’t done the greatest.. I used to be honest… yes!

 

Weakness:

            Decision making!... it took me centuries before I can came into a decision… exaggerated though but I think not only twice nor thrice but ten times! Haha… I don’t know it, but I guess I only complicate things sometimes.

 

Strength:

            Do I have it? I’ll think of it…. Tell you later… I’m having a hard time to determine what my greatest strength is.

Blunder

Here I am again feeling useless again... but am I really not?  I’m sorry to say this but I’m nonsense.. just let me say these words to lessen the burden upon my heart..  Do you know how does it feel when you know exactly that you are doing the wrong thing? But you cant do nothing about it because you’re so damn weak and idle.. you tend to blame others for you mistakes... You find reasons just to cover the wrong you did....or even act helpless so they would pity you... I hate that kind of person, so that would mean I hate myself.........Everybody hates me now... I cant blame them, I even hate my self......... guilt would  kill me..... I dont even do ways to correct it because I have no courage... I curse my self for hurting the people I love.... I am nothing, I contribute none but pains and frustration to others... I just turned twenty five, accomplished achievements that no one would be proud of..... so, it wasn’t achievement at all... but failure... what a loser! Hahaha... O, well... I almost forgot, I’m a civil engineer........... yes, a jobless civil engineer!! Very pathetic.. haha... at least janitors are working........ o, sorry, conscience is  throbbing here, be at least  thankful... well, I am....  I’m so sorry being this way... I dont even like it, see, I despise my very own self??? I know... I know..... love my self first so I can do better things... so my mind will be lighten.... but how?? ........ My existence is a mess to some.... But ofcourse, suicide is another very big sin...... the other life is my only chance.. But, with this kind of atittude, do I have the chance......? Even writing this down is already a sin..

What shall I do now, when I dont even have the guts to do what I ought to do...? How can I conquer this frailty.... what if I’m naturally the bad one? The villain........ What if, my purpose here is to cause torns to some? Ahhhhh.... What ifs!!!! ....free me........ I’m sorry....

my birthday

is this my worst bday? i guess not... but one of the list of the worst.. hehe... its a routine... this afternoon, im going to a place that I have this uncertain feeling of going......... but I should go....i dont want to go, but even a thought of not going makes me feel guilty... what am I supposed to do now?... i am really bothered now... i thought i must do the thinga that would make me happy..... but this one??? it wont make feel good if i wont.... do you got my point?

grrrr........

fussed

whats wrong with me?? it can be the right one.... and it should be the right one.. but why I have doubts here.... not on that thing that I had doubts to, ang gulo... para kcng my gusto akong iba... what now?