Feeling bad at the End of 2017

I'm feeling bad, really... which I should not. I'm actually feeling guilty that I'm feeling this. I'm envious! :(.... I can't help it but I am..  I'm praying it wont get worse.. so I Pray it would be gone... before 2018 would come.

Trying my Luck but unfortunately Not

I was trying to upload a blog on this Website but unfortunately, I can't submit it. It's my first time to participate on such thing, maybe I can start fulfilling that dream of travel blogging, finally I'm making my move, but not my luck... why isn't it working for me? It's all done, but SUBMIT botton isn't working.

So because I can't post there... I 'm posting here my entry:

Last June 2013, my  friend and I went to Siem Reap because I needed to escape from my stressful work. I decided to see other things aside from my messy table and my computer. It was only a 2 day trip but one of those worth remembering.

Our day one started at 5am hoping to catch the Sunrise in the famous Ankor Wat. We brought with us our Hotel’s free breakfast and acted as if we are having a dry picnic early in the morning waiting for the sun rise to come (but it didn’t, it actually rained). It was a gloomy day but the Angkor Wat  never failed to take my breath away..

Then we went to the other temples such as.

Angkor Thom

Chau Say Thevoda and Thommmanom

The famous Ta Phrom, where Angelina Jolie’s Tomb Raider was taken.

Bantay Srei

Pre Rup

Bantay Kdei

Around 3pm when we returned to our accommodation, Motherhome Home Inn. It was raining again that time, but just like little girls, my friend and I  jumped into the swimming pool like we own it, ofcourse, because it was raining, no one’s around.

At night, we didn’t let it pass not visiting the famous Pub street and had our delicious dinner there.

The next day, we left the hotel at 7am and headed to Rolous Group (Lolei, PreahKoh and Bakong. On our way, boarded the same Tuktuk, earphones on us while playing music and sang with it like we didn’t care.. The feeling was good, it won’t be so much of noise destruction I guess since our voices are being blown away on the open air. These three temples are among the oldest as narrated by our guide.

We continued on our journey by dropping by into the following places.

East Mebon

Ta Som

Neak Pean

Preah Khan.

Our last destination that day was Siem Reap’s Pagoda and National Park.

And just like blink of an eye, our trip was over. This experience may be quick, but it made me feel amazing. Being on a place where no one knows you, seeing completely different place, meeting new people with diverse culture, hearing unfamiliar languages, learning their way of living and witnessing things that you never expected you would, it makes you feel alive.. yes, it made me feel alive and proud.

So no matter how not gusty I am, no matter how riding the Plane terrifies me, no matter how unprepared I am financially, no matter how afraid I am crossing the streets, no matter how suicidal  for me to file Leaves,  no matter how Introvert I am, no matter how hard traveling for me. I’ll still go. I’ll go because it makes me find purpose and beauty behind my dull world.

Thank you Cambodia!

12.23.17

7:44am
I'm going home today.. and it took me a while to decide whether to take the typical commuter's van, or the bus.... and because I miss taking the latter, so that's why I'm here!

safe trip to me!

Some words of wisdom from all over Somewhere To Calm my Senses

Obviously, I'm feeling pestered that leads me to Copy Paste these statements,  and I can't calm my disturbed senses... but now I can. Lol.

Good night!

26 Nov 17

wala naman akong sasabihin.. naantok na rin kase.. done with 3 movies... 1. Mulan 2.Ninja Turle 3. The Holiday... at lahat nun iniyakan ko.. waahaha.. bumababaw na luha ko... Ninja Turtle, naiyak ako??? haha

Sige good night!

That 50 QUESTIONS!

Not really bored, I just missed the old ways of blogging or just merely pondering.. so I when saw these questions on somewhere the World Wide Web, I decided to answer them...

50 good questions to ask yourself and others

1. What are your nicknames? What do you prefer to be called?   Ash, Noni, Aira, Kaeds, Pabs, Nons, Call me whatever you like.  

2. What books on your shelf are begging to be read? - I love reading but I don't have any book on my current rented room (which don't even have shelf) right now! I left my books in Manila!

3. How often do you doodle? What do your doodles look like? --Hmmm, a girl with big eyes? a floor plan? house elevations?... I actually don't do a lot of doodling recently.

4. What do you do if you can’t sleep at night? Do you count sheep? Toss and Turn? Try to get up and do something productive? --I tried counting sheep, but I don't remember it worked out (or baka nakatulugan ko rin). Toss and turn maybe.. just closing my eyes or stared at the ceiling .. hold a pasbi (Islamic Bids or Rosary for Christians).

5. How many days could you last in solitary confinement? How would you do it? - Huh? I don't know. But I can stay in my room the  whole day without talking to anyone.

6. Do you save old greeting cards and letters? Throw them away? - I kept them, I don't throw stuff like that.. but I only misplaced them..  or keeping them somewhere that someday I can't find. haha Especially when I keep on transferring places.

7. Who is the biggest pack rat you know? - What's pack rat? :)......... I need to research on that, and if it means this "a person who saves unnecessary objects or hoards things.".... then the answer is ME, MYSELF AND I.

8. When making an entrance in to a party, do you make your presence known? Do you slip in and look for someone you know? Do you sneak in quietly and find a safe spot to roost? - I don't even want to be in a party! But to answer the question, it's to sneak in quietly and find someone I know! Them probably find reason to exit.

9. What is your strongest sense? If you had to give one up, which would it be? -my sense of Feelings? haha.. Sense of sight, taste, hearing, taste, smell .......... I think I would give up the smell! if I really have to.

10. How many times a day do you look at yourself in the mirror? - I don't actually really look at the mirror especially when pimples are being so inlove with me haha...  but I bought a mirror and put it on my office desk... so I can't count how many times.

11. What is the strangest thing you believed as a child?- I won't grow old! Maybe I was 5 years old when I asked my Grandmother, will I be like her someday with those white hair... Coz I thought I'll be forever a child.

12. What is one guilty pleasure you enjoy too much to give up? - travels! but I don't that's something to feel guilty about. I

13. Who performs the most random acts of kindness out of everyone you know?- I think that girl I call Margaux, she's being so selfless sometimes and I both love and hate that. 

14. How often do you read the newspaper? Which paper? Which sections?- I don't remember when was the last time I read the newspaper, I have no favorite section, it depends on the title of an article.. So, yes I judge the title! 

15. Which animals scare you most? Why? - stray dogs. and lizard too, but is lizard an animal?  haha.. 

16. Are you more likely to avoid conflict or engage it head-on? - Avoid.

17. What was the most recent compliment you’ve received and savoured? - I don't received much compliments, but recently someone told me I looked better now, maybe because I gained weight.. but I don't really believe that.. haha.. I know we're not suppose to dispute flattering words, but sometimes it's hard to believe.

18. What is something about yourself that you hope will change, but probably never will? - Gosh! this question just made me frown coz I have so much to say. I'm indecisive, no guts at all, unconfident, an introvert, bad posture, SCARED OF PLANE RIDES........ I just hope I can change them.

19. Are you a creature of habit? Explain. - I'm a creature I can't explain!

20. Are you high maintenance? Explain. - Absolutely not. I'm so frustratingly too contented of "some things." masaya na nga ako sa arrozcaldo.

21. When was the last time you really pushed yourself to your physical limits? - Ang hirap hirap naman ng  tanong na 'to! because I think I haven't, I 'm so physically lame at whatsoever physically.. ano raw?

22. Do you have a whole lot of acquaintances or just a few very close friends? Why? - Few friends.. Because I think I'm not normal. I don't open up first. Someone told me , I am so intimidating.  I think I hate me too because I don't appear  friendly, so i ended up having few friends... but I'm okay with that.

23. Are you more inclined to “build your own empire” or unleash the potential of others? - Build my own empire

24. What’s a strange occurrence you’ve experienced but have never (or rarely) shared with anyone? - Why would I say so when I can't even share it to anyone? I'm not answering this.

25. What do you think about more than anything else? - I'm just rolling my eyes here and says what?? hehe... I think.... family, my nephew & my niece, travel, and that kitten I'm hearing "meowing' right now. 

26. What’s something that amazes you? - simple things amazes me.

27. Do you prefer that people shoot straight with you or temper their words? Why? - Shoot straight... I know how it feels to be controlling your temper.. although this depends on the case.. we should know when to control our tempers too.

28. Where’s your favourite place to take an out-of-town guest? - anywhere! anywhere I've never been.

29. What’s one thing you’d rather pay someone to do than do yourself? Why? - hmmmm...let me think. the laundry?

30. Do you have a catchphrase? - yes, but too many... but recently, I posted this "Don't get worked up over things you can't change, people you can't change. It's not worth the anger build up or the headache. Control only what you can. Let go."

31. What’s your reaction towards people who are outspoken about their beliefs? What conditions cause you to dislike or, conversely, enjoy talking with them? -I'm okay with outspoken people but I dislike it when they are overdoing it. I know it's good to be frank but we must be careful also. 

32. How and where do you prefer to study? - I graduated already! haha.. medyo nakakatamad sagutin ang tanong na yan. Ayoko ng mag-aral pa.

33. What position do you sleep in? - sideways.. usually fetus style. haha

34. What’s your all-time favourite town or city? Why? - my hometown, no matter how chaotic it is there.

35. What are the top three qualities that draw you to someone new? - Funny, kindhearted & softspoken, loves to travel who's not afraid of air turbulence haha// 

36. How has your birth order/characteristics of siblings affected you? - I'm 3rd out of 7.. I think I'm one of the favorite my siblings get jealous of.. haha.. hindi ko ata sinasagot yung tanong.

37. If you could eliminate one weakness or limitation in your life, what would it be? - Negative thinker!!!

38. If you could restore one broken relationship, which would it be? - Nothing.

39. If you had to change your first name, what would you change it to? - I'm not changing it.

40. Do you believe ignorance is bliss? Why or why not? - Both! Knowing too much leads us to crave for things we'll never get satisfied, while ignorance? simple lang ang buhay! Pero para saken, wisdom is a bliss... 

41. What do you consider unforgivable? - lies.

42. Have you forgiven yourself for past personal failures? Why or why not? - ofcourse, I always forgive myself.

43. How difficult is it for you to forgive someone who refuses to apologize? - Ofcourse it's too difficult especially when they don't even know they're suppose to say sorry. But as much as I can, I don't keep grudges, and I'm trying to accept that people don't think the way how I see things, that they couldn't care about me at all... and I don't have the right to question that, because that's who they are.. I can't change them!

44.Do you hold any convictions that you would be willing to die for? - Ofcourse. Buti na lang walang "what and why" 'to.

45. To what extent do you trust people? Explain. - Nakakainis naman yung mga tanong na may "Explain", it reminds me of my Values Education subject hehe. But here'e my answer, I trust people, but I trust myself even more... I don't really depend on them, I mean, relative to my answer at number 43., we can't control the minds of other people. Sometimes, the people you expect to betray you the least, will betray you. pero okay lang, choice nila yun... or baka may dahilan din naman sila/

46. In what area of your life are you immature? - hard to admit it but I think I'm being immature most of my life.

47. What was the best news you ever received? - I passed the board exam. yun lang naiisip ko. haha...  ah, alam ko na, nung pinanganak yung mga pamangkin ko!

48. How difficult is it for you to be honest, even when your words may be hurtful or unpopular? - It's not difficult for me because I'm always honest... charot!... what's challenging is , how to say those things.. so, oo, very difficult sya.

49. When did you immediately click with someone you just met? Why? What was the long term result? Conversely, are you close with anyone now that you really disliked at first? - I remember a colleague where in we click the first moment I spoke with her, and now we're still friends for about 14 years.  And for that someone whom I disliked first,  I couldn't think of anyone, because as I said, I'm an introvert, so how would you expect me to start a conversation with someone I disliked.. sorry.

50. When do you find yourself singing? - when I'm alone and happy... when I walk in the rain with my umbrella and no one's around... 

Amazing Works

PHOTOS NOT MINE.. 

Just loved the way someone made these:

 I feel her!

How Would You Heal Someone's Broken Heart

5:45Pm

Someone just called me awhile ago because I was asking for some work related concern but just when I want to put my phone down... he raised other issues, he's sorry for being moody few days back because he is broken hearted.. I laughed at him first! Then I realized he's serious... He sounded O.A but I absolutely felt that he needed someone to talk to..

So what did he expect from me? aside from I'm hesistant in giving comment because it's office hours everyone could hear me, I'm not good at giving advice!! I want to cut our conversation but I stayed when he said... "just this time, pagbigyan mo na ako, kelangan ko lang ng may makikinig".. so I let him be, I know someone who's just willing to listen is already enough.. so I let him poured his sentiments, his broken heart... It's not usual to me, but it's overwhelming...

10.30..

Signing off!  I hope I had helped someone lighten up his heart a little though I'm healing mine as well...

;)

Good night!

17 Nov 17

DEAR SELF,

KEEP YOUR SENSES AT EASE.... I KNOW YOU FEEL BAD AND EXHAUSTED AT THE MOMENT. YOU FEEL ANNOYED AT PEOPLE YOU THINK DON'T DESERVE TO GIVE YOU INSTRUCTIONS BECAUSE THEY DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU BEEN GOING THROUGH... PEOLE WHO THOUGHT YOU'RE WORKING LESS THEY KEEP ON TELLING YOU DO THIS AND DO THAT PETTY THINGS... YOU HATE HOW THINGS GET SO UNFAIR... YOU HATE IT BECAUSE SOMEONE WHO ASKS YOU TO DO SOMETHING KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT THAT THING OR HOW HARD THAT IS......WHEN YOU ARE TOO BUSY RIGHT NOW BUT HE JUST WATCH THAT GAME.... I KNOW ITS NOT COOL BUT I WANT YOU TO CALM DOWN... DON'T MIND IT... DO WHAT YOU CAN DO BUT DON'T MARRY IT.

6 Nov 17

12.50PM
I said I'm gonna sneak some time today to blog about random things I've been wanting to write since last night.. But I'm being so busy here at work since this morning, I wasn't able to do so.. until right now before the break time ends... Anyway, its some sort of drama which tells me now to keep myself busy to forget about it... and it's working!.. hahahaha.... but I still miss to cry out my dramas thru writing... so later.. maybe sometime... just need to get back to work!

10:30pm

ano raw? ang gulo ah.. sariling sulat ko diko nagets.. hahaha... saka na nga lang ako magdadrama.. good night!

My Sweet Nightmare

Why am I keep on having dreams about you lately?

You've been gone for so long

It's been ages since you gave up on me 

I've let you go without goodbyes

I've ceased on whispering your name into the wind

I've stopped writing the words left unspoken

The garden of memories of you have fade

And the rivers of tears have run dry

But suddenly in my sleep you came by

Why? It's not haunted, it's bitter sweet, it's heart tearing

You're breaking me twice, maybe a thousand times

Why? 

Are you happy?

I'm supposed to put those spell on you

I'm supposed to curse you

But you are the one whose making me cry now

Are you happy?

Stop showing up on my dreams

I know I'll never get to see you again

Never will I hear  your voice again

But I don't want you to fool me in my dreams either

Get lost, I'm missing you so much... but please get lost.

Good morning Cebu!

9.15am

GOOD MORNING CEBU!!! This is my third day here and I'll have my flight back to Davao this evening, there's a typhoon.. so I'm already terrified now.. haha.. kahit naman walang bagyo, plane rides never fail to make me feel tense.. haha..diko alam diko na ata maoovercome to.. pano na pangarap kung magtravel pa. Anyway, obviously, I had this annoying selfies... just kiling the time before we'll check out

I woke up feeling a little upset... diko alam kung dahil ba dun sa panaginip ko or dahil lilipad nanaman ako mamaya.. hayst... sige have to eat our breakfast.

7:15pm

Hi again! Taking that mirror selfie here in Mactan Cebu Airport... And as always,praying for may safe flight! Isang oras lang naman to.. kaya lang may bagyo pa... :(

9:55PM
Home already. Thank God for the safe flight...

anyway, that taxi driver pissed me off... pero wala naman siguro syang kasalanan.. pero nakakainis pa rin sya... but I'm letting this go..

Good night!

2Nov17

"Woke up heavy hearted... you were in my dreams for the two consecutive nights, and they're seem so good to be true, that's why I opened my eyes yesterday with a smile on my face..but this morning, my heart is broken despite how sweet those words you told me in my dreams.... Why? Because I realized I'll never get to see you again, maybe only in y dreams.. I think I'm missing you as always".

Arte means...

....when a picture could mean anything kaya minsan picture na lang sesend mo sa mga kausap mo. haha.. Arte kase eh. haha

11 Oct 17

6:10am

"So there you go again in my sleep, but this time not as Freddy Krueger, not even Casper.... You called me that name you used to call me and you smiled at me.... But I don't know, if you'll do it if I didn't push myself to do it first."

Rise and shine! and do not hold on to that dream...

7:10pm
I'm in that state of confusement, whether to do the right thing or to do what's gonna lighten up my heart... chos! Anyway, I had a take home work, the meeting minutes last week... Coz I couldn't work it out at office, daming storbo..

10:40pm

My pabebe annoying look and my terrible hand writing...haha
Not done yet with the minutes,  I'm watching tv simultaneously kase... haha.. but I think I need to sleep now... I need a rest at sana nga I can sleep well , I have sore throat! so discomforting..

Good night!

10:55pm
hayst.. good night nga diba???? paano ako matutulog naiinis ako??? haha... arte... basta... Im doing the right thing, kahit hindi yun ang gusto ko.... pero yun ang dapat... itulog ko na lang to at palipasin na ang araw..

Good night ulit. sana bukas wala na akong sore throat

9Oct17

I've been stuck at this page for so long, coz I couldn't say anything about the caption.... 

10.8.17 Beware of Overloading Selfies

10:00am.. Good morning! Lazy head here...  hayaan nyo na. masipag naman on the week days.. Feeling ko magkakasakit pa ako.. sige gonna wash my uniforms muna.

1:30pm
Done washing.. bathed.. a little room & T&B cleaning... and now I'm just watching TV.. actually baka movie na lang.. then later..  maghahatid ng laundry and stroll around...  pero sa ngayon tatambay lang ako.

5:55Pm

I think my happiest moment today was when I saw this food vendor, they have transferred to the upper floor of DCLA, kaya akala ko wala na sila.. it's my favorite, the arrozcaldo and this takoyaki.. ang saya ko lang nung makita ko silang muli.. haha.. for worth 57 pesos, ang saya ko na! haha.. You know naman na fan ako ng arrozcaldo, and for me, they're one of the best!

It's located in DLCA Uyangguren, Davao's version of Divisoria...

So if that's the happiest moment of the day so far, the saddest is... I left my wallet!! I have my purse with me, na 100 pesos lang ang laman kaya may pambayad ako sa arrozcaldo...  I'm a gonna buy some Korean DVD series (sorry pirated! haha)... but when I'm about to pay, wala pala yung wallet ko.. haha.. so now I'm back home... magbuburger king pa sana ako.. kaya lang.. wala akong dalang pera! haha

8:00pm
I'm back!! from where? diko natiis eh.. Burger King.. haha.. it's about 15minutes away from home lang naman.

kaso, I'm a bit frustrated.. di available ang fries, In lieu of that, I got Orion Rings which I don't like much.. kaya I left it that way.. so now I'm home.

Nakakainis noh? haha.. buti na lang ako yan, dahil pag ibang tao ang ganyan.. nakakairita.. buti na lang din ako lang nakakakita nito.. haha.. Nasa mood lang ako magselfie the whole day.. kaya pagbigyan mo na ako.

10:55Pm
Here's my last selfie for the day before I'll say my good night...

haha! annoyed already?? well, I'm just talking to my self... anyway, my niece and nephews videos sent by my sister made my day... I just loved them so much.. I'll just pray they'll grow up healthy and become a good and kindhearted persons.

Namiss ko rin palang gawin to... yung ikwento ang walang kakulay kulay na Sunday whereabouts ko... haha..pero masaya naman.

Sige good night!

P.S. I'm reminding myself to be thankful that though my life isn't that something worth blogging, not even as colorful as others, but still I'm not struggling in life.. I still manage to eat the food I want to eat as others beg for food... I may not have that Knight in Shining armor but I'm not in that situation that I need to be saved... Don't have the kids of my own but I have those lovely niece and nephew...  Don't have that overwhelming wealth but I have the best parents in the world... I may not have that career that made me excited to go to the office everyday, but at least it's not as terrible as what I experienced in Manila... Yes, I'm too far away from being perfect but I have so much reasons to be grateful...

6 Oct 17

Tada!! I kinda missed posting my selfie in my blogger.. That's why. haha.. This was taken during lunch break when I felt a little bored and sleepy...

Hows my day?? Work, ofcourse.. Then watched a movie with my officemate, yung kay Toni & Piolo... malungkot pala yun...  pero nakakarelate ako.. in what way? ghost yung lovelife... haha.. charot lang..

Anyway, my friend who works in Qatar informed me na my hiring daw sila sa office nila... whahhh! masaya nako dito e.. hayst.. nagulo tuloy yung tahimik kung isip..

Sige. good night na!

Nakakainis naman

oo. nakakainis.

Nakakalungkot naman...

basta nakakalungkot lang...

Ewan sayo!

" Can't you be just a little of Casper - the friendly ghost and stop haunting me in my dreams like Freddy Krueger's does??? Once again, you were in my dreams last night, but just what you kept on doing, you're not saying anything when I want to hear your voice... could you at least say Hi to me or you can even burst out your rage if you're mad at me...? yeah, so maybe you're even worst than Freddy!

When I woke up, I asked my self why can't I slap you in my dreams??? Can I be slightly mean too? it's just a dream anyway....  but I hope when I'll see you again... would you be nice a little and talk to me at least? coz your silence, it kills me."

9.24.17

What to write? What to write????

I told myself last night that I should blog today because I been in such a long time paralyzing my  writing skills (huh? skills daw).. but I don't know what to write!!! or tinatamad nanaman ako!

Errrrr.............ano ba sasabihin ko?  ano ba isusulat ko?

I was lately thinking writing about my last weekend trip to Talicud Island, it was unplanned.. yung mga tita ko kase gusto pumunta dun.. so we went to Isla Reta, in Talicud Island.. Just an hour boat ride from Sta Ana Wharf  Davao City proper to Isla Reta.

I also missed to write about my visit to Eden and Secdea Samal Island with my friends last August 27/28..

We visited Duterte's house first..

Then to Eden where I thought I'm brave enough to take the sky cycling. I was already riding it, pero bumaba ako and I ended up on the zipline....

More of Eden..

Secdea. Quiet expensive for provincial rate.. pero it's worth it..

That's it muna... This is me while doing it... and it took me hours before I finalized it.. (I mustn't say finalized... kase incomplete pa rin to..)

haha.. good night!