I HAVE THE BEST PARENTS IN THE WORLD

I have the best parents in the world, but unfortunately they don’t have the best children in the world. The angst I’m feeling right now is brought to me by the situation I just witnessed a while ago. Our eldest brother was sort of blaming my mother for his misfortune and of our other brother (they two actually haven’t finished their schooling, and not going to school is absolutely their choice).  It’s not fair to blame our parents for that, I’m in the deepest mode of anxiety too… and I don’t blame them, of course they’re not perfect but they are still the best, I wont exchange them to other people. If given a chance to return the time and choose parents, I will still choose them… I despised my self for making them feel sometimes that they contribute to my failure, I can’t help it sometimes…. Especially when I have no one to blame… but right now, I’m in a condition where I’m in a state of declaring what is really inside me…. And that’s I truly love my parents, that I’m going to offer my life to them… that I live because of them and live for them… I pray to God that I’m going to be successful so I could dedicate it to them. They don’t deserve this, they are good but being paid with discouragement from their own children. I feel very sorry that I cant even make them proud of me.

MY EXISTENCE

I’ve been hearing so many reasons why life should be appreciated, life is beautiful. But I’m still on the trudge searching for these reasons. I can see these people enjoying life because they have reasons to. This is my quest to my life’s meaning and I know very well that I have long way to run. I don’t want to end up not knowing the purpose of my existence. I want to know why life is beautiful or if it’s only to chosen ones. I want to do what I really I want to do, I want to gain more confidence. I want to serve my family. I want to know many more things and I hope it’s not too late... Yes I agree that happiness is all in the mind, but my mind is not that absurd and numb. No matter how I tried to eradicate naysayer attitude, it still comes after me  but swear I try to go against it. Well, I sound morbidly hopeful right now, yes right now, let’s give emphasis to that, maybe melancholic for now but tomorrow I wont. As I said, I don’t want my life just end that way, I need reasons, I must receive what is due to me and behind the obvious truth of this life’s not fair play, I won’t stop believing or at least seek for every purpose……

WHY YOU SHOULD GO OUT OF YOUR SHELL ASH?

You want to know the purpose of your existence right? Why don’t you go out of your shell.. try getting away,  your fate must be in other place.. see? Your about to rot here.. this is the right opportunity, your family is supporting you.. you wont grow up in here… and everything will happen if it is destined to, whether you’re  here or out there.. and now, you might be  confused whether life is a matter of choice or fate…treat it equally but don’t take it too seriously, you might end up confused all over again…

 

Hey, your batchmates might earning a lot of money now, Marnelli in Los Angeles, Ermelyn almost circumscribed the Earth, you’re friends and classmates in UAE who are nurses now, and the girl, a civil engineer too in Dubai… and everyone else… now, what do you want to do, just wait for your deterioration?

 

 

Go, spread your wings and soar, don’t let your wings just fade in oblivion, you can do it, just trust your self.. if they can do it, you can to…

 

I saw the starry and the blue and made me wonder where you are, are you looking down at me too? So, I sent a message to the

If there’s one thing that’s missing in your self, what would that be and why?

There are lot of things that are missing in me, career, lovelife, wealth and so much more.. but if I’ll be ask for only one, I would rather answer, it’s self confidence… this is the root of many misfortunes in my life.. I cant get a good job because I am not confident, I don’t deal with other people because I don’t want to be rejected.. I don’t take risks because I don’t trust my self…there were times opportunities knock on my door, but due to my uncertainties and hesitating actions, I refused that offers. It took me hundred of years before I came up into a decision, and when I did, still doubtful. I don’t know, if I will ever change, I wanted to but again, I’m not confident to make that change and it’s being so late not…

MAYBE IT’S WHERE I DON’T BELONG

Just heard from my relative whom I favored to monitor the status of my application in Davao City Hall, the Building Inspector position for the City Engineer’s office interview schedule has just been closed. I had wait for it for a long time, even quitted my previous job to give focus on it. I even looked so desperate every time I went to the City Hall to check on it, but after how many months, I got home and asked this relative of mine to call or visit their office to check for new postings. Well, I don’t have to detail why I missed it, I can’t put all the blame on her. Maybe I really don’t belong there

If there’s one thing that’s missing in your self, what would that be and why?

There are lot of things that are missing in me, career, lovelife, wealth and so much more.. but if I’ll be ask for only one, I would rather answer, it’s self confidence… this is the root of many misfortunes in my life.. I cant get a good job because I am not confident, I don’t deal with other people because I don’t want to be rejected.. I don’t take risks because I don’t trust my self…there were times opportunities knock on my door, but due to my uncertainties and hesitating actions, I refused that offers. It took me hundred of years before I came up into a decision, and when I did, still doubtful. I don’t know, if I will ever change, I wanted to but again, I’m not confident to make that change and it’s being so late not…