I think I said so much of nonsense...

I think I'm saying so much of nonsense....

 Because I value small things, to some are worthless.

Because I keep things that should be thrashed.

Because lost kittens breaks my heart.

Because I take a lot of picture of myself.

Because I kept the pictures of the people I love.

Because I keep on wasting my time writing my dull whereabouts.

Because I love the things or the people who cant love me back.

Because my problems are small but it worries me much.

Because I couldn't stand alone.

Because  I couldn't decide where to go

Because I"m getting old and I don't know yet the purpose of my existence.

Because I work for my company and not for myself.

Because I keep things that reminded me of the people I cared  about.

Because i still have an ugly stuff toy on my bed.

Because I watch movies alone surrounded by lovers and group of friends.

Because I am happy being empty and lonely.

Because my absence wouldn't be noticed.

Because I read lousy books and I couldn't finish them.

Because I couldn't make my family happy for me.

Because everyday is the same day.

Because my friends get bored when they're with me.. I'm a killjoy! Haha

Because I shouldn't be saying these...

Because I'll be fine after I'll say these..

and now this nonsense is over.

Good night!

2/27/14

I dont know whats going on.. I lacked sleep, these past few days I've been waking up so early and couldn't sleep back... This morning I woke up 3am and I ran out of sheep to count but still I'm awake.. is this a form of anxiety again? Or someone is just putting a spell on me?! Haha.. syempre di ako naniniwala dun.. 

At 5:30 am, i looked like a zombie tuloy! I was preparing for work nito.. at nakuha ko pang magselfie... I just want to see how would I look like when I am sleepless... at muntik  pa akong ma late dahik dito.  Tsk tsk!

 

So as expected, i felt sleepy the whole day.. its like my eyes would fall out... medyo stressed pa naman kanina at medyo nakakaupset ang mga pangyayari.. haha.. when you are being blamed for something na hindi naman talaga ikaw but you just cant react, yes na lang, somehow may kasalanan din siguro ako, pero hindi rin... pero yes na.... I don care anyway.. its no big deal. Haha

So here's the haggard me at the end of the day

Its 10:35pm at nahihilo na ako sa antok.. I wish I could sleep tight now..

Good night everyone!

Just Here and There

I'm kinda in the mood in blogging these days.. that's why I'm taking the opportunity.. I'm re-uploading the pictures that I posted on my "late" multiply blogsite about the few places I've been for the past 3 years, including the recent one.... from here and there... near and not so near...

Puerto Prinsesa, Palawan, October 2010, I was with my college friends.. and this place is enchanting! I want to go back there.. I even wanna live there..

November 2010, at Manila Ocean Park with my Mom, Sister, brother and my aunt.

The first time I went out of Metro Manila was during our company outing at Morong Bataan, April 2011 with my officemates, most of them are now transferred to other projects, some resigned...how bout me? When???? :)

Samal Island, Davao .. August 2011, my family celebrated the Edl Fitr  here

This is the most amazing view I've seen in my hometown.. A Grand Mosque financed by Sultanate of Brunei if I'm not mistaken

Singapore, I was with my mom and my brother,  August 2012. What if I stayed there and looked for a new job without notifying my current job.. haha.. they don't even know I was there.

Lake Sebu, December 2012 with my family. I'm just a bit disappointed I haven't tried one of the highest zipline in Asia because we arrived there late.

Gumasa Beach, Sarangani Province, December 2012 . I love this beach!!

Penang, Malaysia, March 2013. Had an accomodation at Penang Shangri la Hotel.. the food choices are great without pork! Yey!

Tagaytay, I forgot when was this, maybe last September or October 2013... its my second time being there... 

Just last December 2013 with my family at Eden's Park, Davao City

Also at Davao City, just the following day after Eden is D Leonor's Resort.

Those are just the few places I've been to... I'm not really into gadgets or any form of expensive materials, I just wanna travel and see the beautiful side of the world... if there'a one thing I'd love to do is that, see beautiful places, take pictures, blog about it, make memories! But I'm so busy nowadays I couldn't book a flight. My passport is about to expire.. I need to renew it so anytime I get tired of Manila, I could leave and go somewhere. I'm actually so tired of Manila, but I"m stuck because I dont know yet where to go that's  why I'm still here.. errr! Haha..

I wish I could try travelling alone too, just get free, forget the world's weariness, meet new people (i wish, in my introvert attitude, I dont think so, but swear, this time I'll try), get lost, discover and explore the things I am missing! I think I'm really deprived of that right, haha, the right to know that despite everything, the world is still beautiful!!! I wish I could! I really do!! 

So help me God.... Grant me that guts and confidence.

Update: 31 Oct 14

June 2014. Fell inlove with Cambodia.

July 2014.. Road trip with my family.. Dapitan/Dakak.

Our Company's Team Building at Tagaytay last August 2014.

The unplanned trip to Anawangin Cove Zambales, August 2014.

Had some cruising... and explored Corregidor Island. October 2014

My first time to Enchanted Kingdom during our family day last October 2014.

October 2014. Baguio City.

I know its too few yet,  compare to others who have gone too far.. and I'm taking it too seriously to post and keep it this way... the world is too big and beautiful and it must be explored.... I hope I could... This is one thing I know I love to do..

The Most Annoying Question

Warning!!!! For those who hate nonsense and corny post, stop reading and close this page.. trust me, you'll gonna waste your time... this is going to be a long drama and you'll end up disappointed.. :)

Lets get straight to the point --- You're not getting any younger, why are you still single? -- so thats for me the most annoying question, haha.. its not because i hardly find answer when I'm being asked but does everyone should really be in a relationship or get married when you are getting old??? Is that something you are oblige to? Is that a requirement in order to be alive??  Darn that! Haha

Anyway, once and for all, hear my side.

I would lie if ill say i never asked myself, what's wrong with me.. yeah, i did..

When i was young, i believed in fairy tales, that even if i wont do anything, my knight in shining armor (chos!) would arrive, i'll just wait.. but now losers are those who believe in fairy tales and love stories.. hehe

I never prayed for it, i never asked. My prayers are always for my family, I said, as long  as I have them, Im okay... I dont really mind being single.

And I'm totally okay!! Until these people keep on asking me that pathetic question... and because i couldn't find an answer, I just say, its my choice.... but was it really my choice??? Maybe by chance? Maybe... I dont know.

But i got their point, my family wont be there for me always... but see? Im trying to be independent here, I'm away from them.... and its fine, but it sucks too... but Im fine.

A friend asked me, am i not sad getting home and no one is there? I said, im too tired every time i reach home, so I sleep! Haha.. you think I'm lying? you think I need to include that someone into my prayers, okay i'll try... okay, i will.

Its not that i hate being inlove or maybe you are thinking that i am not normal... on my college days, I had my crushes, so i think that's normal... but i don't remember their names, just the code i tagged  them... there goes Orange, who wore orange T shirt on the first day of my Filipino subject on my 1st year,

Eclipse- my Math 51 classmate, he was asking our teacher about Ellipse, but he said Eclipse, so that's what I named him. He resembled Rukawa of slamdunk and I am inlove with Rukawa too! Haha,

Then there goes Dikya - haha, his surname sounds like that, he's a mechanical engineering then and i hated him, that one day I was upset because of him, I conquered my fear in riding the Ferris wheel during our University Fair, that was my first ride, i took it so i could scream his name like I hate you _______!!! He broke my heart! Hahaha..

 And I had a crush too on my fake bestfriend, if only he knew, if he'll read this then he'll know.. but that was long time ago, i wont mind, i could tell him but what for?? haha..

Enough for this reminscing the past, I'm running away from my topic. I'm just saying I'm still one of those typical girls... the only difference is I never exerted effort, I never make papansin (siguro medyo lang).. I never showed them that I liked them (siguro medyo lang din)... anyway, di rin naman nila ako pinansin.... haha..

Hayst, how can the the world so cruel to me, the ones i liked never liked me, and those few who liked me (oo, meron naman! Kala nyo ha! Haha), i rejected them... right away! Ayokong umasa sila saken, which was my mistake too, i never gave them a chance because I thought, if at first I never like them, I'll never will (mamaganda! Haha) But you can't blame me, guys are unpredictable and inconsistent too.. long time ago, there was this one guy expressed his feelings for me , I told him, sorry i dont feel the same way, then after few months, i heard he's getting married!! Anyway, No regrets, if they really mean it, then they should have tried harder... or maybe im not worth it? Fine! Haha

Some say, maybe i'm just too picky.. but I'm  not! I don't have standards, As long as that someone could make me laugh, God Fearing and taller than me (meron din pala) haha...I m not even superwoman to set high standards.. I'm just sooo ordinary.

Or maybe, i'm just hiding, or i just dont really care, or maybe too snob, intimidating or maybe i really looked terrible like what you see at those horror movies..Haha...,This is supposed to be a serious matter, but i'm screwing it.

Anyway, maybe I wasn't really serious, maybe I see things as jokes many times...and now these people are pressuring me... errrr....i hate you! You're not helping...Haha.. joke! Maybe this is what they call Midlife Crisis...

And for those who think that I never been truly inlove... You were wrong, I'm not even choosy because if I am, then I should not have chosen to fall to someone I'm not supposed to fall inlove with, but i did and it was not even my choice, i just felt it... i tried not to, i guarded my heart, but I end up breaking it... Maybe I should regret it but i will not, i used to, but now i wont...it hurts me but as what they've said, everybody hurts, its part of being human, no one is exempted... To that someone, wherever he is, even if he forgets and regrets about me, it's okay,  I hope he's doing fine..

There, i ve said too much...i'm exposing my personal life, its not bragging (nothing to brag about), i want the answer as well, that's why I'm writing it..So, am I answering your annoying question?? If i dont, maybe someone could help me get the answer... This post cost me my humiliation ....(no one reads this any, why bother hehe)...

And one more thing, i don't wanna jump into a relationship just because I am pressured and desperate. I'm not really that lonely about it.. or maybe Im lonely because I'm contented being lonely... haha.. ewan! But being with the wrong person and being choosy is different thing... I told you I'm not, he's not arriving yet, or maybe he's just somewhere out there, maybe he's lost, or maybe I lost him already, or maybe he's not really existing, or maybe in another life.. or maybe I'm just hard to find, (I'll be waiting, even if his stupidity in finding me would last a lifetime)... :)

So help me God.

One Sunday Morning Of February

I thought i have work today because I woke up early and its not usual to me especially its Sunday and I slept late last night... my Monday morning sickness ofcourse attacks me on Monday! Hehe

Its 7 am but I'm suppose to be dreaming still. Then I missed writing my thoughts...  i missed blogging... i have actually came up with a roll of topics that I'm planning to write about..

Like a recap of the few places i've been to, it breaks my heart still to know that I lost my multiply,  my blogs since 2008 or 2009?? though i 've backed up them here in blogger but the pictures were gone.

I was also thinking of writing my trips plan but i havent planned anything.. hahaha... im just thinking about it.

I would love to remember my friends too... those very few people who had been part of my dull life already.. hehe.. i may not really say it, but i'm such a good friend keeper, they might not know it but Im thankful i've met them.

My everyday whereabouts... i missed recording them... from the most lame to the extra super most lame.. hahaha...  you know  i'm boring! Haha

like this cat I saw again yesterday at Manila Peninsula, its just a few meters away from my workplace.. i had a post about this cat almost 4 years ago.. i'm just amused i get to see it everyday as if he/she is waiting for me  there.. pero bigla na lang syang nawala! But yesterday here it is.. hehe

and i would love to tell you about my instagram posts... how crazy i am about my selfies.. haha.. some i post over at facebook (glad, i customized my account, not everyone could see it, especially those people at my office, i couldnt take them teasing me haha), some posts remained at instagram, like this:

Glad i have limited followers there... so only few could get irritated.. hahaha... i dont actually think my posts look nice.. but i just want to post them.. this is a free country right!

I'm still thinking of a caption for my blogger... i got tired of what i had before, at my multiply I had "AAA OPEN DIARY" then changed it into "AAA WORDS LEFT UNSPOKEN" , during that time my unused blogger named "LETTERS TO SOULMATE" i had it sometime 2011 but i wasnt active i dont really care if its "baduy", thats how fool i was to believe that soulmates are real and they are just somehere out there.. im stupid! Haha.. then I shifted to "LETTERS AND WORDS LEFT UNSPOKEN" I was so discreet about my feelings.. hehehe.. Then now its "THE NOBODY'S GIRL DIARIES" just like Remi! Hehe... but I"m not an orphan here, thank God I'm not.

And maybe a post on how I see life, why its complicated to me and maybe to answer also this people's irritating question that drives me to a midlife crisis! Hahaha... damn! "Why are you still single?" , in my case, that's the most annoying question in the whole wide world.... watch out for my answer...(for those interested)  hahahaha...

anyway, my life is not really complicated, my problems arent as wide as the ocean, im not miserable as well, im not unfortunate too, there are people who are actually suffering from real life tragedies.. and im no compare to them, i am free and i have choices, so many choices i end up indecisive... and im still grateful, but because life is not perfect, and im not a happy easy going person, i maybe have everything i need but not everything i want, not everything i love, but I am living... just like how everybody face their lives, yes, for those who think life is unfair, maybe it is, but not everyone you thought surrounded with what life could offer is happy, we dont know what they are going through... you dont know what i am going through... hehe.. ang drama ko naman, parang diko naintindihan yung point ko, naintidihan mo ba?? Hehe

thats it... now its 7:46am... so here's Yours Truly

I warned you about my selfies.. haha.. wagas e, ni hindi man lang nakuhang maghilamos! Haha.. now, can i go back to sleep? Or maybe do my typical chores!

Good morning!!!!

Happy Birthday Margaux!!!

Dear  Margaux ,

Thought its not cool to say what I'm about to say, but Ill say it anyway... birthday mo naman kaya okay lang maging baduy! Haha...

Yun nga.. I just wanna thank you for so many things,

for being a good friend, for letting me be myself and be the best and worst that I can be, kapal na ng face ko pagdating sayo ...

 for not getting tired of me-- when everyone does including myself, you are still there to remind me of good things why life is worth living and that I should be grateful instead (chos! Ang drama non. Haha),

for listening (oo, makinig ka lang wag na magreklamo.. ok na yun)... there are things i don't tell others coz they might not understand me, but you were there kahit dimo rin naintindihan.. haha

for accepting my mean side!.. mean talaga ako noh?? Mean nga ba ako?? You're so great you handled that... only few people I feel comfortable with, kase introvert, late bloomer and I'm beyond normal (alien?!!) Hahaha.. yah, you're so lucky you met me! Endangered na ako! ... ayan, medyo nakakairita na pinagsasabi ko.. parang ako yung may birthday...  but seriously... thanks and sorry!

I wish you all the best... a career that you will enjoy and suit you..para masamahan mo na ako magtour.. i need a chaperon , yung mambubogbog pag may inaway ako... haha.. joke lang! remember that one time sa labas ng greenbelt? Yung may tinarayan ako, confident akong gawin yun kasi kasama kita.. haha..

I   wish you  lovelife, .may you find your Mr. RIGHT... ako, wag mo na intindihin, i can handle myself very well.... wag mo masyadong pinagpapapansin yung mga drama ko, para dika mahawa.. lam mo namang may sumpa ako.. hahaha

And if sometimes, you feel like I'm changing... dont feel bad, maybe I'm just trying to be that person that I should be... someone better! Haha.. pero mukhang di ko naman kayang magbago, kahit kelangan na kelangan.. wahaha... Pero ikaw, wala kang karapatang magbago, coz if you do, i'll hate you... chos lang! Pero if there's one thing I want you to  change is -- you should think about yourself too, minsan maging selfish ka naman kahit konte, isipin mo rin yung sarili mo... kahit ako, you should not tolerate my immaturity, minsan nag-iinarte lang ako.. deadmahin mo na lang. Haha

 I wish you happiness....coz you deserve that, you're a good person (chos! Hahaha.. isa pa yan, inis ka rin ba sa kae echos ko??  I dont care, mainis ka lang!)

Happy birthday! Stay beautiful inside and ---inside???? Hahaha.. joke, yung mga foreigners na nahuhumaling sayo... pati yung nagbabike na nagbigay ng number sayo, contact mo na!!

that's all.. ang haba na nitong nobela ko, masyado ng O.A

love you much! If you need a friend, im just viber away

P.S... ang gaganda nung result nung moment camera ng iba... yung sayo, eto o.. amazing!! Haha

-A-  😄

Bad Day!

I posted on my facebook account this "Bad day! But it will pass anyway"... coz i actually really had a bad one..  today's been hectic.. and i just hate exhausting myself for something I dont really have to do.. if ill quit my job now, i would still be alive... im not even that happy with this current job.. but im not miserable either.. i just just dont know where to go.. or what to do with my profession.

I dont intend to catch anyone's attention for making that post... i just wanna blurt it out so ill be fine or maybe i just wanna know who would care.. but no one really cares.. hahaha... what would i expect.. ive got few good friends... and they are all minding their own business and struggles in life...

Maybe its not also appropriate to paste my rants on a social network... they might be answering me with "who cares?", "so"?, "what now" and the like... hahahaha... yeah, who cares anyway...

But see?? I can sleep well now, i expressed it all..

Goodnight!