Just Goodnight and Some Thoughts before I sleep.. ;)

it feels really bad when you’re feeling so mad at someone but you couldn’t yell at that person, you couldn’t do a thing instead you just let those feelings rot inside you. And why you can’t? It’s because of two reasons.

 First, you have no right to hate that person, even if he was so unkind and insensitive to you, even if he was intentionally hurting you (or not) – because he never promised you anything. Indeed, action speaks louder than words, but still words will win through, though lies are also born in the course of words.

Second, you wouldn’t tell your feelings to those concern, those who caused you pain because you don’t wanna make them feel overwhelmed and be delighted when they’ll know there presence lacerates you…. (Unless, if that someone cares about you even a bit, but I doubt that… haha)

Cut! This is supposed to be a-not-so-serious post, but I spoiled it, I was so dramatic above there… haha, that’s why I stopped myself, I know.. I know! Its not good to hate someone, and posting stuff like this is not a good idea as well, the public will mock me for sure, though I hid it to some, but customizing settings is a sort of laborious matter, so still, this I set to public because I wanted someone would read this--- there I gamble my humility.. haha.. (Nobody would read this anyway, I bet).

I said too that I would stop doing this nonsense for like a hundred times already, but still, these thoughts are like mushrooms that keep on coming no matter what..  I couldn’t stop them, so I write them down… and it works! (yeah, at least) doing this is like throwing  stones into the sea, throwing away my heartaches! (ew! Haha).

Time to shift thoughts , how bout good things now?? (gah….. I couldn’t think of any)… I want to say, My life is a mess! But I must not (though I said it already.. haha)…

Anyway, behind that bitterness, I am grateful of so many things in my life… I’m loving myself to this I’m about to say…( probably, if in case someone, somehow is reading this, for sure he/she would stop already, I’m making it too lengthy now.. hehe..)…

I’m thankful for having the best parents in the world. I just loved them so much…

I’m thankful that I have a job, for my profession and for earning my own money.

I must be thankful that I wasn’t born a beggar.

I’m thankful I’m not impaired nor crippled.

I’m thankful for my freedom.. for the choices I could make (though its only making me more confuse haha)

I’m thankful for those few people who understand me….those true good friends.

I'm thankful that no matter how my heart was broken for countless times, its still working..

I’m thankful for the things I knew… for the knowledge I’ve learned.

I’m thankful to my multiply site… for listening without complaining.

I’m thankful that I am skinny-- should I be thankful to that after wishing I could gain weight??.. yes I should, after realizing that some girls dreamed to be one, and I could EAT ALL I CAN!

I’m thankful that I’m not ugly.. (am I not or I’m just fooling my self?.. haha), my siblings told me I am ugly, I told them they are ugly too! (Though I don’t really mean it, I’m sure my brothers and my sister are not ugly, but me??? I don’t know.. haha)… anyway, I love them though they are such a headache-causing-people!

I’m thankful that you are reading this…. (not everyone would waste their time on this, maybe just you..hehe)

And most of all I THANK GOD…..and I’m sorry for being morbid sometimes.

that's all! Time for a Goodnight now.......

just happy..maybe..;)

Hey! I kinda miss you my diary…

just a while ago when I left the office, I was thinking of blogging, I have so much in mind, but now that I am facing you, thoughts seem to fade… maybe the traffic jam (that was really worst) –is responsible… I’m just so tired right now.

I just wanna tell you how I can’t understand my emotion today, I was having a good laugh with reason I couldn’t really pull out from the blurry, yah, I really don’t know why.. I’m not sure if it’s just that I’m happy or I’m getting crazy! Hehe.. I was even in an awkward situation just this afternoon, and you know what I did?!  laugh! Yah, like a fool… now, I’m wondering what they were thinking..

I was smiling alone while walking… now who cares anyway?! If they think I’m insane, then let them… hehe

Good night now! That’s all I can say.

Can somebody tell me what's the point?

I don’t know why am I doing this… was it really wrong? When you involved yourself to something you know wouldn’t last long?.. you’ll be breaking your heart soon … what’s the point of staying? What if you’ll break his heart too, not  just yours? Come on, tell me what’s the point?

I'm telling my self not to think too much

This I’m about to say here is in relation to my previous blog.

So, how am I right now? After being baffled of so many thoughts that only caused me anxiety, now I feel better.

Yesterday when I woke up, when I’m still not disturbed of anything, I opened the papers containing the exercises given to us last Saturday. As what I am expecting, that questions were really simple that I should really be ashamed that I couldn’t answer it on the very first place, then I solved  it without the help of anyone, just my self and my confused common sense (haha). See?! I knew it! my mind just wont work on the spot...seemed like I couldn't understand a thing at that moment, i was so blank!

 Oh my! I think I’m really having a poor memory here, I guess I’ve over used my mind.. haha

Fine, I may not proved myself to them, at least I’ve learned that I’m still not thar dumb, i was just lost in thought and pressurized, I actually typing these things because I’m cajoling and comforting my degraded (by me J)  self, who will do it for me if I wont?? I’m responsible!

So that’s it, as what they said, if there’s s something I don’t want in my life, I should stop thinking about it, stop talking and worrying about it, I’m only giving so much energy to it to keep it alive, and withdrawing my own energy. I may write those thoughts that burdening me in my diary and leave it there.

Ash, cheer up now!                 

^__^

I heard this everywhere and was sent to me thru text message for nth times. and just today. somebody sent it to me again..

This what they called PHILOSOPHY OF LOVE:

"KUNG HINDI MO MAHAL ANG ISANG TAO, WAG KANG MAGPAKITA NG MOTIBO PARA MAHALIN KA NYA."

"HUWAG MO NG BITAWAN ANG BAGAY NA HINDI MO KAYANG MAKITANG HAWAK NG IBA"

"KUNG MAGHIHINTAY KA NG MAGLALANDI SAYO, WALANG MANGYAYARI SA BUHAY MO, DAPAT LUMANDI KA DIN"

"PAG MAY MAHAL KA AT AYAW SAYO, HAYAAN MO! SA MGA SUSUNOD NA ARAW, AYAW MO NA RIN SA KANYA, NAUNAHAN KA LANG NYA."

"KUNG DALAWA ANG MAHAL MO, PILIIN MO YUNG PANGALAWA DAHIL HINDI KA NAMAN MAGMAMAHAL NG IBA KUNG MAHAL MO TALAGA YUNG UNA."

"PAG HINDI KA MAHAL NG MAHAL MO, WAG KANG MAGREKLAMO KASI MAY MGA TAO DIN NA DI MO MAHAL PERO MAHAL KA, KAYA QUITS LANG!"

those lines, they make sense right?? may tinatamaan ba?? haha... coz somehow i was hit too.. haha

so? am i wasting a page in my multiply for this? for I am someone who know nothing about corny love?! hahaha.... of course i know something about that stupid thing--love! in fact no matter how i guarded my heart, still, it was been broken many times... (ews!).. i guess that's part of being human right? i just dont make it obvious and i dont let it ruin me... it must not!

An ambush questions

1. What food did you intake today?

1 cup of rice, grilled chicken liver, 1 sliced pineapple mini pie, 1 sliced banana cake, 12oz bad cheeta's drink- mountain dew,

3 not riped mangoes, 1 small mr. Chips, 1 small red chippy, hot chili pancit canton, bread, sakto coke-im glad that size now exist

ofcourse mineral water and potencee............ Healthy???

2. What's on your purse?

haha.. Really messy.. 5 poten-cee tablets and the receipt, 2 neozep tablet and the receipt too, scratch small papers,

diffrent receipt-dont mind what are those, i'll throw it now, spare keys, 2 ballpens, and an amout of P341.75cents- dont tell

me i have to break it down.... Anyway, my only cash left.... Im so poor...

3. In your wallet?

My wallet?? No cash in it... Poor me... My two atm cards, the one is active while the other is not, it slightly bended, its the one i used there

in MSU, my 4th year highscool id- I still have it,  my college id, my MSU alumni id, my old nokia 7610 card-I've been keeping it

more than two years now, my mom's RCBC atm card, my prc id, another reciept of sorts- i dont know why i love keeping thrashes,

pay slip of my salaries in my previous job- again a waste..... That's all....

4. Did you hate a person today?

nope... I was kinda disgusted with the price of "marang" this fruit vendor selling...........soooo expensive.... But I dont hate her...

5. Did you read anything today?

A news paper, classified ads to be specific.............. The ADZ UNLIMITED and MINDANAO INSIDER

6. What are you wearing right now?

A blue jag shirt, really old shirt, actually a friend gave it to me... Paired with a knee level ragged shorts, actually its an old pants

of my sister...

7. What sounds you hear right now?

the sound of my ceiling fan, the murmuring voices in the other room, the music in my media player... Eheads with "pare ko" to be specific..

8. How does the sky looked like now?

Its cloudy dark night.......... I saw only one star.......

9. What's the craziest thing you did today?

I havent done any crazy thing today, that I believe so.... Actually, this day is wasted, accomplishing nothing reasonable

oh, can that be considered crazy????

10. What's that thing you wish to do right now??

Right now? I wish I could sleep but I think I am experiencing insomnia nowadays....haha.. Maybe watch a movie,

HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF BLOOD PRINCE........... But no way at this point of time.