April Fool's!!

Just got home and it seems that it's obligatory for me to post a blog on the first day of April... I'm actually feeling exhausted for this and actually I have really nothing to blog about but I have so much random emotions ....

So here I am again.. my words left unspoken to 6 different people.

1. I used to think that maybe that is just your way of managing your staff... I've heard negative feedback about you but I didn't really mind that, I don't wanna be judgmental, I'm trying to understand you not until yesterday. I was so upset with you. How could you suggest that stupid solution in solving the lapses or the problem of that certain department... shouldn't you be analyzing the cause of delay first?? Instead you are declaring the 14 to 16 hours working routine?? and you will issue a memo for that?? What's wrong with you? Disappointing! It shouldn't affect me since I'll be resigning soon but what about them?? I don't think that would be healthy and productive... you will only waste the company's money paying the people who actually couldn't work well, you are only stressing them... and even the electric consumption will be wasted too.. As for me, I don't really mind working overtime if needed and not because you told me so.... and what's mostly annoying is, you referred that particularly to those who are staying at the staff house...  I hope you know what "malasakit" means... or maybe I'm just too sensitive... sorry if I am.

2. I know or maybe you are proud of us, our team...  what we had in our previous project.. which kinda had that "system"  far from what we had now... and you want me to help  make things better here.. I'm sorry if I couldn't... I'm sorry if I'm losing my effort... I wanted to... not because I'll be leaving soon but because I'm not the right person to do it.

3. Yeah, I'm gonna miss you too.. no matter how you annoy me most of the time but I'm gonna miss you too.. thanks for the opportunity.. for being so good in calming my senses when I'm actually mad at you.. You're just so good at that.. I salute you.. how you manage things and your personnel is something I could look up to.. I could have leave you long time ago but I didn't.. see? How good I am in keeping my words..? I've been really fed up but I survived it.. we had a verbal agreement and I didn't fail you... so just let me go now..  don't make it so hard for me.. because  it's really hard leaving when seeing you and the others trying to stop me... I'll be happy and sad too because I'm so used to being part of that team.

4. I was thinking if I still hate you... I didn't want to but maybe I still do hate you. I'm sorry if I am... I was trying not to hate anyone... maybe I don't really despise you...  maybe you just hurt my feelings that deep I couldn't set things free.. swear I'm trying to let go of the heartaches you've caused me... and I'm almost there.. I wish you had talked to me.. not to patch things up because I know it couldn't be fixed.. but at least you could just say goodbye... was it really that hard to bid your farewell? I'm a loser too... but what you just did actually left me hanging on the middle of nowhere.. you made me chose between letting go and holding on... and I ended up on the hardest part.. not knowing which to choose.. ow, I think I'm just too stupid to admit that I actually know what to do but deep inside me, I didn't want to do it... I'm a fool..  I'm actually okay, sometimes I'm just being exaggerated...  I don't really care now.. I wasn't actually expecting that I could write this lengthy... I thought I have not much to say anymore about you... it clearly says that no matter how I forget things now, you're still there at some corner of my heart.... and I remembered you at this very moment because I needed to complete the list of the people I want to say my words left unspoken to. Be well.. never mind my ranting... just close your eyes and forget me and just be happy... coz despite how I say a lot of bad things.. I'm alright.. and I'm still brave enough to face our cruel fate..

5. I'm sorry for what I've said earlier.. I'm just upset.. I didn't mean to act childish... I don't know why its too hard for me to be composed when I'm being teased... Sorry again.

6. Despite these drama's I've said above... you are like my medication.. Remembering your face could make my heart race.. I'm still thinking what are you doing in my life now?? Are you a test to keep my decision in tact? Or you're a blessing to help me go on with my everyday at work... I could go absent... be late.. go home early but I don't want to because I want to see you.. How could you make my dull and upset mood into something beautiful by just seeing you almost near me? I don't know I'm going stupid.. anyway, I'll be leaving soon.. in case you don't know.. ofcourse you don't know.... you are really making it so tough for me... coz there's really something about you I'm afraid I won't be able to know. You will be missed...

Random Thoughts on the Last Day of The Holidays

It's not Monday to have that Morning Sickness.. but maybe because it's the last day of the Holidays.. it was so fast and I'm feeling like I wasted it.. scrolling the social media, seeing my friends doing their outdoor activities made me feel so envious...  There are nice spots surround Manila that I should have visited but what did I do?? I just stayed in my room..

Lifestyle. Now, I heard myself saying... hey, you're 31! Yes, you are 31!!!! And you're about to be jobless...and yes, you chose to quit your job... Then a realization just hit me... Did I really projected myself to be where I am now ten years ago??? Then, I felt frustrated.. not because I didn't hit my goal but because I actually didn't have any projection then.. what a turn off I know... I didn't really have concrete plans.. swear, all I ever wanted is to go there and there... to get my own money... just "enough" money to sustain my daily living... so contented with that... unlike others,  they've dream big like having their "own" house, car, business.... but I've never thought of that.. I would lie if I never wanted to have my own.. but not really that much so I never really worked for it... I know I could if I had to... I have my education, supportive parents and all the freedom in the world to do what I want to do... but what happened???.. well, because I'm too indecisive , not confident, not a risk taker?... or maybe... because I didn't wanna be just like anyone else..? but now I woke up realizing I'm on my thirties... I felt I did something wrong... noohh! Cut that...not again.. I've heard myself saying this all over again.. this drama.. it sucks but I'm sooo fine.... life is too short to be regretting the decisions we made from the past... coz all this earthy stuff will not be forever ours... so I must not care for not having what others have at this point of time.. and for not getting whatever that is.... what matters is what we "feel" and not what material thing we could possess... I hope you get me.. I'm talking to myself

People. There's something I've learned about people... about being so judgmental... we never really get to know people by just depending on what we heard about them.. I've tried not to get attached with people whom I had a bad impression with until I've got no choice but to deal with them.. and you know what? I've been so wrong about them.. I saw the good side of them.. I learned why they've been doing the things that made other people misinterpret them... I saw the irony of things, sometimes the people whom you trust or you wont expect to hurt you will actually hurt you.. and those you thought would harm you will be one to protect you.. so lets not be judgmental.

Promises. Somebody asked me if I make promises.. I said I don't... because promises are made to be broken! Haha.. Seriously, I don't make promises because I don't want to say something I couldn't commit.. So once I've said something, I must try so hard to keep them and perform them..... People  tell me things they wouldn't even remember or just pretended they haven't said that... I usually don't remind them... I just let them decide whether to keep their words or not.... in the end, we don't have the right to manipulate the decisions of others.

Love. I couldn't say anything about this until a friend posted on FB this "Do you ever just think about someone and immediately get really happy because their mere existence is a source of joy to you?"...  so that define's what love means to me..haha.. and it means so literal to me..  I'm not really that lovable type.. I know that.. some people made me feel that.. but I'm fine. In my entire life, I didn't push myself to anyone no matter how I like them... I'm just contented of just seeing them around.. I'm not that someone who settles for less or to be just anyone's option.. and I rather be single than be with the wrong one.. I've said that many times.. I think I'm impossible...so, it needs a superhero to find me.. and superheroes aren't real.. haha... and even if they are real, no one will save a girl as unpredictable as me. Haha... I'm okay...

That would be all for this day.. Back to work tomorrow.. hope it won't be heart breaking.

25th of March

10: 25am
I will do the cooking.

11:30am
Tadaan! Did I just overcook that? Haha.. ayos lang.. I love it when its toasted ( a good excuse for someone na laging sunog ang luto..).

So how did it taste? Refer to our conversation below:

Me: hmmm.. sarap! Pwede na
My brother: di kaya!

I just  ignored him.. haha! It would be not normal if he'd appreciate it.. I don't remember him saying masarap yung luto ko... despite that naparami naman sya ng kain.. baka gutom.. Then I remembered, I've never told him that his cooking is good as well... I even think that he could cook well than I could.. haha

10:23pm
I must do something with this disorder.. while everyone is out for swimming and the like... I'm just having moments with myself.. haha.. I'm just bored.. so I end up taking selfies.. haha.. I think I looked like an ostrich.. don't you think?

12:13am
I'm watching GMA's Above the Clouds... I wish I could go to Sagada!

12:20am
Time to sleep.. Good night!

24th of March

9:20 am

I told  you so.. I'll just spend my days taking selfies.. ew that! Haha.. I woke up late because I slept late and my head aches a bit.. and my eyes a bit swollen too.. I don't know if its due to over or under sleeping or because I shed sooo much tears on that movie I watched last night... haha.. Had a weird dream.. I was travelling with my sister... then another more weird dream I couldn't understand... then I woke up... then took a selfie.. then a call from my mom interrupts my shots. Haha

Good morning anyway.. time to find some food to eat..

9:00pm
So how did I survive this day?? Well, chat friends.. watched movies... went out for dinner.. took mefenamic acid due to my head ache, sakit sakit na kase! Then bought groceries... chat friends... Lee and Marj...

Asked Margaux how to cook her fried chicken.. I kinda missed it na talaga.. so I'll try it tomorrow.. sana magtagumpay ako... haha

Chat and congratulate koy... finally he's  getting married, happy for him... glad he'd gave up on me so he'll find the right one.. coz I wasn't the right one for him, I told him so.. hehe..

Now, I'm all set for another movie to watch.

12:05am

Good night now!

How Am I Gonna Spend my Holidays??

Maybe take a lot of selfie like this:

Yeah, what a way to start a blog.. haha.. pampawala ng gana..

Ows?? Di ka ba nawawalan ng gana at nagpatuloy kapa rin sa pagbabasa? Bahala ka. Haha..

So how am I gonna start my Holidays?? I'm actually wasting it.. shouldn't I be making use of it??  Oo na!! Kasalanan ko nanaman...

If only I told my brother to renew his passport earlier
, then maybe him and my Mom are in Bangkok by now.. I once saw a promo ticket for this day but I didn't book it.. ayun pinalampas..  pero okay na rin because up to this day, wala pa rin yung passport nung kapatid ko... we must go bangkok!!!.. that was actually the first country my mom and I planned to go kaya lang naudlot.. (sad face).. basta we need to go there.. di man ngayon baka bukas. Haha

If only somebody didn't change her mind, then maybe we go strolling at the beautiful spots in Laguna.. kaya lang.. ganon talaga.. things change.. gusto ko man magtampo kasi gusto ko sana masulit yung time ko na nandito pa ako sa Manila.. but as what I am training myself , I shouldn't interfere anyone's decision kase buhay nila yun at buhay ko to, pasanin ko. Hehe

If only I didn't choose to report to work today, then maybe I joined Marj to Quezon.. sabi ko sunod na lang ako bukas.. kaya lang, nagbago na isip ko.. ayos lang naman magsolo flight pero baka di ako makarating sa sobrang hirap ng byahe...

so? Paano na?? Sasayangin ko na lang ba yung holidays?? Ayoko naman tumunganga.. baka si Ashor lang isipin ko. Ahahaha... Ashor?? Marj  created that name.. parang Jadine lang. Wahaha! I hate what I've been saying..

so?? Ano na?? Maybe just cook... watch a lot of movies... blog a lot... ride a bus.. go somewhere nearby... music... organize things... draft the resignation... online search for a new job??...  basta!!

Anyway past 12 nanaman pala.. watched  Jarhead 3 and Everything about Her.. The first one was an action movie, nag enjoy naman ako..  while the second movie made me cry a  river. Haha

And this song.. been listening to it the whole day... parang para saken to. Haha.. oo.. si Sarah Geronimo at Piolo Pascual yan. :)

Good night!

stalker!

To whom it may concern;

Don't you know that you broke my heart when you left without saying goodbye to me??? Like you are just the only person who could draw a smile on my face and you left just like that?? I'm not asking you to stay... I know you won't.. (kase uwian na nga naman... undertime ka pala! Haha... 4 days din kitang di makikita... naiinis na ako sayo.).. I'm just so failed with my secret mission today... and that's to smile at you! I hope I took that chance this morning when we crossed our paths... I was just so overwhelmed that you came to work today... I never missed someone as I am missing you... I miss you every time I don't see you (Haha.. ang baduy ko na.. di na ako to.. ai oo.. baduy nga pala talaga ako ).

P.S. sana kausapin mo na ako.. bago lumipas ang kabaliwan kong to.... bago maubos ang panahon natin.. Haha (pero seryoso ako)

-stalker

Defining Coincidental

Hows your day???  Ako? I feel tired pero ngayon palang ako matutulog.. past 12 mn na... pero sabi ko I need to blog..

So despite me being tired, okay naman.. Mr. _____ just made my day...  he walked just beside me at the hallway at dahil diko alam pano magrereact, I walked fast.. sorry naduwag nanaman ako.. haha.. I'm wasting our limited time!! Shouldn't I be cherishing the few moments na makikita ko sya??

Anyway, to put justice on the title of my blog... I called it coincidental because I got same queue number today... 38!!! .. when I was paying my credit card and my order at JCO... parehong 38 yung number ko.. amazing!.. oo naamazed na ako.. haha

And these billings I was processing today...  the one who acknowledged and will supposed to evaluate it are all out of this world!! Resigned na sila! Haha... bakit kase ngayon lang nakarating saken to??

And this song, haven't heard it for quiet long until it was played there at JCO...

It used to be one of favorite songs... coincidental nanaman ba?? Because I'm currently falling stupid for someone? Am I making the same mistake again?? Haha.. please let this pass.. It's gonna hurt. Chos!

Yun lang naman.. para may justice lang yung title.. dina kase applicable yung date kase technically speaking.. today is another day... kunwari na lang 19 pa ngayon.

Then yun nga, I paid my bills at glorietta.. grocery and... got annoyed too.. nagwithdraw ako sa BDO.. at nagdidispense pa sila nung lumang 1000 bill!!..  I need to exchange it pa and told the teller na bakit ganon (in an irritating at parang masyadong naabala na tone)?????? Umarte lang.. nakakainis naman talaga diba?? haha

While walking at Glorietta all by myself.. namiss ko yung mga dating tropa ko.. dati di naman ako naglalakad dun mag isa.... damn.. it gets too lonely na talaga.. arte ulit haha..

Mas lalo pa akong naging emotional nung nadaan dito (masyado na kase akong pagod para dun dumaan sa usual ko).. at naisip ko pang tumambay dito...

Para di ako magmukhang tanga kahit wala naman masyadong tao, I called my sister... I miss everyone! I miss the old days.. ganon talaga.. memories na lang meron tayo... arte pa more! Haha

Then got home.. watched two movies... action movies! Haha.. now it's late..

good night!