It's not Monday to have that Morning Sickness.. but maybe because it's the last day of the Holidays.. it was so fast and I'm feeling like I wasted it.. scrolling the social media, seeing my friends doing their outdoor activities made me feel so envious... There are nice spots surround Manila that I should have visited but what did I do?? I just stayed in my room..
Lifestyle. Now, I heard myself saying... hey, you're 31! Yes, you are 31!!!! And you're about to be jobless...and yes, you chose to quit your job... Then a realization just hit me... Did I really projected myself to be where I am now ten years ago??? Then, I felt frustrated.. not because I didn't hit my goal but because I actually didn't have any projection then.. what a turn off I know... I didn't really have concrete plans.. swear, all I ever wanted is to go there and there... to get my own money... just "enough" money to sustain my daily living... so contented with that... unlike others, they've dream big like having their "own" house, car, business.... but I've never thought of that.. I would lie if I never wanted to have my own.. but not really that much so I never really worked for it... I know I could if I had to... I have my education, supportive parents and all the freedom in the world to do what I want to do... but what happened???.. well, because I'm too indecisive , not confident, not a risk taker?... or maybe... because I didn't wanna be just like anyone else..? but now I woke up realizing I'm on my thirties... I felt I did something wrong... noohh! Cut that...not again.. I've heard myself saying this all over again.. this drama.. it sucks but I'm sooo fine.... life is too short to be regretting the decisions we made from the past... coz all this earthy stuff will not be forever ours... so I must not care for not having what others have at this point of time.. and for not getting whatever that is.... what matters is what we "feel" and not what material thing we could possess... I hope you get me.. I'm talking to myself
People. There's something I've learned about people... about being so judgmental... we never really get to know people by just depending on what we heard about them.. I've tried not to get attached with people whom I had a bad impression with until I've got no choice but to deal with them.. and you know what? I've been so wrong about them.. I saw the good side of them.. I learned why they've been doing the things that made other people misinterpret them... I saw the irony of things, sometimes the people whom you trust or you wont expect to hurt you will actually hurt you.. and those you thought would harm you will be one to protect you.. so lets not be judgmental.
Promises. Somebody asked me if I make promises.. I said I don't... because promises are made to be broken! Haha.. Seriously, I don't make promises because I don't want to say something I couldn't commit.. So once I've said something, I must try so hard to keep them and perform them..... People tell me things they wouldn't even remember or just pretended they haven't said that... I usually don't remind them... I just let them decide whether to keep their words or not.... in the end, we don't have the right to manipulate the decisions of others.
Love. I couldn't say anything about this until a friend posted on FB this "Do you ever just think about someone and immediately get really happy because their mere existence is a source of joy to you?"... so that define's what love means to me..haha.. and it means so literal to me.. I'm not really that lovable type.. I know that.. some people made me feel that.. but I'm fine. In my entire life, I didn't push myself to anyone no matter how I like them... I'm just contented of just seeing them around.. I'm not that someone who settles for less or to be just anyone's option.. and I rather be single than be with the wrong one.. I've said that many times.. I think I'm impossible...so, it needs a superhero to find me.. and superheroes aren't real.. haha... and even if they are real, no one will save a girl as unpredictable as me. Haha... I'm okay...
That would be all for this day.. Back to work tomorrow.. hope it won't be heart breaking.
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