Stressed to The Nth Power

What have I done wrong today to be this emotionally, physically, socially, spiritually and mentally stressed????!

But I'll be alright, I'm glad I reached home alive.. I think I really need a lot of sleep..

So good night now.

29July15

I was trying to sleep after Suhoor, but I couldn't sleep back. I opened my eyes and I'm almost consumed with some negative thoughts, it's too sad.. was confused again for being at the wrong place, my fears of the unknown risen, I've thought of the people I've loved, I haven't done enough for them, I haven't even made them feel or at least tell them I loved them, they're too few of them but, I can't even manage to do so, and life is too short.

So this, I'm battling with my Monday Morning Sickness.. So, before my alarms ring, I rose from bed and performed my Salah.. and had this prayer.

Dear God, take away the fear in my heart, make me strong, clear my mind from whatever causing my anxiety, I'm sorry if the way I worship You is maybe not the appropriate way, I hope you'll forgive me, I'm in a place where my spiritual life is hard to nourish, but I hope You can still hear me... I don't know too many things, I don't even know what to do with my life, sometimes I think I am wasting it.. I hope You'll forgive me and You'll light up my way. Take care of the people I love for I can't even do it the right way. For the things I that I can't give up but I should, please help me let go of them... For the things I should stand and fight for, give me courage, let me not give up so easy.. Make me understand that what is due to me is what I am getting, and what's not meant for me is not meant for me... Yah, Allah, in everything I do and I can't do, please Guide me, shower me strength and Wisdom.

I Wanna Go To Paris!

Seriously, I wanna go to Europe!

oh my Table!

Today, I would like to watch our basketball tournament, its the semi finals.. but I just can't. I hope our team (the makati team with zero lose) will still make it this time... 

Leaving the office today, I saw my QS table really clean, she's always been like this.. really organized.

While mine is

Yah.. its always been like that. A mess.hehe

So how was my new QS? She works really fast! Sometimes I'm running out of task to give her because she  can finish her task even before I knew it... She reports to work consistently early. She's diligent. But she goes home early, which sometimes alarms me, but I would realized, what's the point of holding her when she gets to finish her tasks on time.. ? there were no times I wasn't able to submit something because she didn't finish it... I'm not hesitant  to ask her "this and that" because she's not complaining. Anyway, how can she complain when she's too timid... so silent I could even count the words she'll utter in a day. Also, if there's something I don't like about her is, the way her response on me everytime I ask or instruct her, she's sitting facing the other side.. and she doesn't bother to look back at me when I'm saying something.. she doesn't look interested and attentive.. I don't find her sense of camaraderie, it's like she's just working for the sake of work itself, sometimes it appears to me as rude but maybe she's really just shy.. but totality, she's good. I'm not asking for more.. she's more than enough..

On the other hand, my previous QS is much confident.. there maybe other things I don't like about him or sorry, maybe too many but I admire his confidence, somehow he's that kind of "open to everyone". Don't mistaken me as hating him, I don't! He's just not the right person to be on my team (team as in kaming dalawa lang haha). But unlike my present QS,  when you talk to him, he would look at you straight, he seems so attentive (kahit minsan nakakalimutan din nya sinasabi mo hehe). He would at least open up a conversation with me about anything.

What's the point of this post?? Comparing? I hope I'm not.. I'm just giving my fair judgement.. and that by knowing this people, that implies that nobody is perfect.

But there maybe someone who's almost perfect. Jon, my previous QS before these two.. maybe he's my favorite.. sorry for the favoritism.. but he's everything the two can do, even the two can't do. I've even felt his sincerity in everything he does. The moment he was in our office was actually the time I had the lighter days at site. (Feeling ko nga I've never been a good boss to him). I let him work alone, he even stayed late at office.. He can work without my supervision... there were even things I don't even know he's doing.. He was pressured by our bosses but I just let them be without standing on  his side.. now I'm guilty.. a little. Hehe.. he didn't even stop on communicating with me when he should be forgetting about me.. (naku, may magbibigay nanaman ng malisya nito haha).. masyado lang akong overwhelmed... To Jon, I'll be forever thankful..

Now, if comparing my present and past assistants is a sin, then blame that clean table of my present QS.. Here's a story that connects them three.. Jon taped a plastic sheet on that table with a piece of paper - list of his "to do"... the next QS who took his place didn't even bother to take that off or update the list for about 5 months! Only my recent QS dared to pull it out.. and now that table is too clean. That's all...

Sleepy. GOOD NIGHT!

update: july 27

We didn't win! 1 point lang daw ang lamang..kaya nalulungkot si Mac. Hehe

Girl thing..

Today, I couldn't perform the fasting because.... I have my period. Oh, is it proper to post on the web that I have my monthly cycle?? .. well,it doesn't matter.. I have my period! It's between you and me anyway.. hehe

I was hesitant whether to show my officemates that I don't fast today or just pretend that I am.... but I decided to eat my meal in front of everyone.. why would I pretend anyway.. ? For those, who do not know, we can't perform fasting if we have our menstrual period... but have to repay the days we missed after the the Ramadan..

So, because I wasn't discreet about me not fasting today.. everyone was curious.. and though I'm a little not comfortable telling them, particularly the boys , that I have my period -- I had to. Because they kept on inventing reasons why I'm not.. They can't even believe that its valid not to fast in times like this... It's really hard when everybody surrounds you has a religion not like yours.

But when my boss learned that I am not fasting today, he figured out that I have my period.. I was surprised, I never told him about that.. he was the only one in the office who knew that when you have your period, you're not allowed to fast.. It's just nice to know  that someone, out of everyone, knows something about us... and our nurse too... so, it's the two of them pala.

Today, I tried to crack a joke with someone ... Someone I'm actually not comfortable with... and a blank reaction is what I got from that person... maybe that person didn't get my point or just found my joke so corny... then I heard myself telling me "go! Just get out from here, what we're you doing, it's better to shut up sometimes"... haha, ako na lang yung natawa sa sarili ko.

Thats all for today! GOOD NIGHT!

Walang Forever!

wala nga bang forever? The "forever thing" is actually one of the words of the year.. I keep on hearing it from different people here and there or being posted on the internet. Yung teleseryeng "forevermore" baka may kinalaman dito.. I wasn't watching the series, pero dahil curios na ako , I watched the ending .. syempre kung yun pagbabasehan mo, meron talagang forever! so, meron nga bang forever?? or baka sa sa mga corny na teleserye lang yan?

Sabi, may forever.. on the funny side.. Sabi nila ano tawag mo dun sa mga lolo at lola nyo na hanggang sa dulo ng buhay nila, sila pa rin?? Friends with benefits lang daw ba yun? Haha

Yung traffic sa edsa?? Diba forever na rin yun?

Seriously, may forever nga ba?  Honestly, I want to believe in forever, though at the back of my mind, wala naman talaga. All good things come to an end nga eh.. Lahat ng bagay nagbabago...  people change too.. so pano magkakaron ng forever???

Pero baka meron namang forever, it depends on your interpretation. Ako? Ano nga ba intindi ko dito? Yung forever kase, counterpart nyan yung change... yung change is constant daw.. so pano na yung forever mo?..

Masyado naman akong bitter sa change.. haha.. kasabihan lang naman yun.. may mga bagay din naman na di talaga nagbabago..  minsan,  yung pamamaraan lang ang nagbabago. Pero ganon pa rin yun...

Siguro may forever pa rin ... depende lang sa intindi mo.. so usapang pag-ibig ba to? Haha.. eh kacornihan nanaman.. hindi bagay saken ni tinatalakay yung mga tungkol sa pag-ibig... haha...

walang forever!

Meron pala, yung kacornihan ko. Hehe

20th of June

Was at Powerbooks while waiting for my brother, he will join me for Iftar..  

Read and scanned some pages of Bianca Gonzales "Paano ba?".. then roamed around the bookstore and saw this travel listography and I so loved this kinda of  journal... how I wish I could travel more often...

Watched Jurassic World right after  Iftar and I loved it too... I've watched the 3 installments of Jurassic Park movies.. And during my younger years, i would list these movies as of my favorites.. and this latest one, Jurassic World didn't fail my expectation...

I would remember those 4 books with amusing pictures my mom bought us when we we're little.. Mammals, Space, Insects and my favorite Dinosaurs... honestly I can still remember the different kind of dinosaurs, though I might mispronounce and misspell some, that was long time ago.

Ramadan Mubarak 2015

Celebrating the Holy Month for the 5th time here in Manila.. away from home, away from my family, away from everyone or everything that would remind me its Ramadan.. it's one of the challenging and yet rewarding experience in my life.

Doing it here without a helping hand particularly in preparing food for Iftar  and Suhoor (also the waking up, no one would wake me up if my alarm fails to), and I eat alone (because my brother have conflicting work schedule with mine) I admit its hard, and its part of it.

Yes, it's okay.. I may not be with my family, I may not be at the place where every corner you look at you know its Ramadan, .. but I'm gonna face it.. it's only a test. it's time to repent, time to refrain myself from doing earthly matters, to forgive and to ask forgiveness, to be more kind and patient, to feel the sacrifices of those who starve so I'll learn the value of giving... the value of life itself.

So here's my prayer:

I hope my sins will be forgiven... I hope  I will be forgiven by anyone I hurt... and pray that my heart will be cleared from hatred as well.

May I feel the Holiness of this Month..may I feel its essence though I know its tough to do it here
I pray for my loved ones..

I pray for wisdom and peace of mind. For the things that I don't really understand and for the things that I can't have, I ask God to help me  accept it if the reasons are not yet  time to be revealed..

I pray for a lighter heart. To let go and to hold on... whatever I should do, I ask God to grant me the wisdom which path to take.

I pray for that courage to do what I'm supposed to do.

I pray for the people in the world who suffer from any form of pain...

Yah Allah.. Alhamdulillah for everything... Please guide me to the right track.

Kaartehan of The Day!

I took a shot of our project this afternoon before my officemate Mac and I left the office. Sabi nya, popost ko nanaman daw to.. actually, di naman sana kaso binigyan nya ako ng idea.. kaya popost ko na nga. Haha.. This  is Discovery Primea,  a 67 storey with 6 basements condo/hotel located somehere dito lang sa tabi tabi ng Makati, been working here for  almost 5 years, next month will be my 5th year to be exact.. grabe noh?? Ang tagal na..  sabi ko dati, mga 3 Months lang ako dito at mag aabroad na ako.. aba! Anong petsa na? Kaya simula non, pag sinasabi kong magreresign na ako... di na masyado ako naniniwala.. pero who knows?? Baka next week. Hehe

Been busy today, supposed to be working on my Cost Report, kase deadline na bukas.. kaso ang daming sumisingit na trabaho.. syempre alam na alam ko na yung meaning ng  multi tasking.. Nag eexplain lang ako kasi yung mga susunod kung sasabihin e baka isipin nyong di ako nagtatrabaho. Haha..

Since Margaux and Lee met me yesterday, nagfoodtrip kami at ako pa sinisi kung bakit napapamahal sila sa kainan..  diko na muna sila guguluhin today.. mahirap talaga pag mahihirap kaibigan mo.. hahaha! I was joking, expression lang naman.. level lang kaming mga dukha. Anyway, I thought Marj would meet me..

Kaso bigla nanaman nagbago isip nya, well, di naman ako nagulat.. normal na kase magbago isip nyan, mas magugulat pa ako kung hindi... hahaha.. ang importante namiss nya ako..  "hi madam! Baka mabasa mo to, kasi masipag ka na magbasa.. di ako makapaniwala! Haha"

Anyway, yun nga pala yung dahilan bat sabi ko baka akala nyo di ako busy kase nanunuod ako ng game thrones.. haha.. defensive... kaninang lunch break pa yan.. diko lang natapos, kaya nung pauwi na ako.. tinapos ko lang.. The truth is, I don't feel like blogging naman, or blog ba to? Sige, magpaka o.a na lang sa diary... kaso, di ako mapalagay!! Kelangan mag express ng feelings ..Bakit ganon yung ending ng Season 5???!!  

Bakit nila pinatay si Jon Snow???!  Di nga??! Naiinis ako! Diko matanggap! Pauwi na lang ako naiisip ko pa rin.. Di na ako manunuod pa hanggat di nag eexplain saken yung writer nito. Haha. O.A ba? I really think I deserve an explanation here.. Alam mo kase yun, ang galing nya makipaglaban.. ang dami nyang pinagdaanan tapos sa isang iglap, lumingon lang sya sa mga kasama nya.... deads na sya??? Dahil pinagsasaksak sya ng mga kasamahan nya? Ganon lang kadali? Who's the traitors now?  Where's the justice there?.. grabe affected talaga ako... pero malay mo, dahil fictional naman yung G.O.T, baka mabuhay pa sya, maging walker?? Haha.. pinangungunahan ko nanaman yung writer.. or baka tama si jards, bubuhayin sya yung red girl, yung witch? Asa naman ako!

Sometimes, I stopped  myself from watching Game of Thrones  kase di sya pang conservative , di sya wholesome, di sya  pang mahina ang sikmura...pero di rin pang narrow minded! So, ano gusto ko palabasin..? conservative ako pero di rin makitid ang utak? Haha .. basta, I cant help it , Si Jon snow kase. Hehe

Life is not a movie or some  kinda of  tv series, na yung mga bida may happy ending.. nagtatagumpay or kahit madeads sa ending may justice pa rin... yung mga ganon.. kaya sabi ko magdrama ka man katulad ko minsan e hindi pa rin katulad ng ibang teleserye to. But Life is like G.O.T... of course not literally... kase Life is full of surprises

Not because you're sitting on a throne then you wont fall down

Not because you're the kindest then no one would betray you

Not because you're the prettiest, then you'll deserve a good man

Not because everybody is expecting for you to win, then you will

Not because you look unpleasing from the outside, then you are worthless.

Not because you know nothing, then you're naive... they just don't know what you know

Not because you're on the right side then everyone would be there too

Not because you did great, then you'll get good deeds in return too

Not because you've done your very best to please everyone, then you will be loved..

Not because you're the toughest then you wont be defeated...

Not because, the people you loved are gone, then you'll stop living too..

Yung mga ganon, it's reality! The bitter part of life , pero dapat move on pa rin! You can't just give up that easy... minsan kala mo di mo deserve yung mga nangyayari pero deserve mo rin pala.. gaya ng walang kupas na kasabihan, everything happens for a reason kahit pa ang hirap pa tanggapin at sa ngayon di mo alam yung dahilan...  kaya move on na ako sayo Jon Snow.. sa malamang naman sa ending, the one who will get the throne will deserve it..  both in negative or positive way pa man.

wow, ang haba pala nitong nasulat ko.. i can write more kapag brokenhearted ako. Hehe..  at kung umabot ka man sa part na to.. ikaw na! You're one of the 0.5% of my FB friends na nagbabasa nito. Haha.. kalahati nung 0.5% are just curious and will end up saying, anong problema ko?? Most Blogs are supposed to be inspiring, educational and the like, but mine?? I'm just being me, just being true... at yung another half ng 0.5%.. mahal lang talaga ako! Haha.. 

Ayun lang... Good night na!

A Day in Calatagan Batangas

Last year, I spent the Independence Day at Siem Reap Cambodia...  Now I'm spending it on the beach.. yes, because I just can't stay home doing nothing..

I've read some articles where we can go for an escapade, not so far from Manila.. There goes the Burot Beach at Calatagan Batangas... too many positive reviews about it... so, without so much of planning, here we come.

We arrived there almost mid noon, the scorching heat of the sun is almost unbearable, but ofcourse we have to bear it or we'll end up losers.

It  may not parallel the beauty of other beaches I've been like the Gumasa Beach, The Puerto Princesa Beaches, Anawangin and the Monkey Beach at Penang, still I would recommend this if you are looking for a place to go with few hours drive from the Metro.. The scenery was nice... so, it's okay.

Since we didn't have the plan to stay overnight, we we're not able to witness the sunset nor the sunrise which I think would be the best time to enjoy and appreciate what this place could offer..

Pictures:

What kind of trees are these??? They're too many of them here.. If Japan has Sakura Tress, then we have this.

Calatagan, Bayan. It's where we waited for the tricycle driver to take us to the beach..  

What I like about this beach:

1. The rock formations are beautiful

2. You won't spend much money 

3. The golden sand
4. Beautiful scenery
5. Not too far from Manila
6. The calm sea. Actually I'm not sure if I'm gonna love that.. sometimes, the waves are fun (kahit di naman ako marunong lumangoy)
7. The Trees

What I Don't Really Like about it:

1. Too crowded! I wasn't expecting it to be that crowded since the place isn't developed yet, no electricity, no hotels, no convenience store, FYI

2. Toilet rooms are not really clean

3. Lacking of garbage bin

4. I don't think the sea water is inviting.. too many sea weeds..
5. They should have secluded an area for parking.. vehicles park everywhere, even almost at the shore.

Who says I need too many friends or a lovelife when I have a good friend here?.. My travel buddy Margaux (not her real name).

"Dear teh, I know it would have been much fun pag kasama natin sina Lee, Marj, Mela , Jay R or kung sino sino pa, ganon talaga, tayo lang yung walang magawa.. haha!.. you should get married or atleast find an official and real life boyfriend at babawasan ko pang aabala sayo.. promise.. haha!. THANKS ANYWAY!"

The time we spent at beach is shorter than the time we're on the bus.. and it didn't matter because I love the ride as well... we had a non air bus when we left Calatagan.. at first, I thought it would be uncomfortable ...I was wrong..  site seeing, the open air, the music on the bus... that was fun! (Lakas maka-emo! Haha.. ang baduy ko lang!) And to that guy next to us...(na may dalang halaman) he made my day without him knowing why.. kung sino ka man, salamat! :)

How we got there.

-Took a bus near MRT Taft, at the back of McDonalds (Php152) for about 3hours,
-alighted at Lian Batangas and took a jeepney going to Bayan Calatagan (38.00) about 1 hour,
-tricycle  going to Burot Beach (150), about 20 minutes
-entrance - 65, table rental - 400
-back home, took the tricycle again and took off at the bus terminal at Calatagan
-Calatagan to Coastal Mall  4 hours- 140

10th of June

12:07pm

Now watching. S5E9

12:50pm

Done watching... that scene with the dragon.. just wow! It could have thrilled me more if my boss didn't spoil it earlier this morning... I told him not to say anything.. but he just can't help it.

7:20pm

Landmark with marj.. and I'm kinda tired walking around... I feel sleepy 😩

8:05pm
Home!!

10:48pm
Good night!

7th of June

I'm not sure if you wanna hear anything from me today or see how I annoyingly looked like..  but I'm still gonna post my selfie anyway.. I know you're sick of it but I don't really mind... hehe

Today, I woke up noticing my hair's color..  I had a natural black hair , then I had it with color last year, then months after I had it darker again... but the color or the highlights I had put  on is now surfacing again.. so what?? Wala lang. May masabi lang. Haha

Today, I've done nothing but music tripping, grocery, foot spa, pedicure, the typical laundry thing, yung mga ganon..

Now watching Jurassic Park at GMA... also, watching the moon thru the window.

Then it's really late now.. I must be sleeping. So, here's my Good night... I wish to post a nice blog one of these days, something that's not so personal, not so.dramatic.. not sooo me.. Good night again!

6th of June

I didn't report to work today, instead I went to Trinoma, had lunch there with Lee and Margaux... then watched Insidious.. I had a good scream.. haha... and went straight to QC Circle.. So this tower looks like this, been really curious how does it looked like up close.

It's a good spot to sit around.. watch airplanes pass you by (yep, too many airplanes crossing at this area), watch children playing around, watch a group dancing doing the zumba thing or the like.... you can join them if you want.. haha

Good night.

4th of June

5:45am

That face of  someone who didn't wanna go to work today but she has nowhere to go. Haha

Why waking up in the morning is too hard? I mean rising from bed... but I did anyway... doing that selfie actually helped awaken my senses... once again, sorry for being vain..

9:00am
Meeting

12:59pm
What went wrong to my PC?.... I was watching my new found series, "Daredevil" when my computer had shut down..  Anyway, time's up for lunch break.

3:35pm
Billing! Just having a break... Cold Play's Fix you... now playing.. loved that song.

5:55pm
Thanks to Mac for this... Grabe, the third time I ate chicken today... mukha na talaga akong manok!

7:45pm
Videoke time again!! May pinagdadaanan nanaman ako! Haha...malamang rinding rindi na sa boses ko tong babaeng to! Haha.. so ironic, this gal has an amazing voice, but I was the one who keeps on singing most of time...

Look at this picture.. it's kinda creepy... my reflection on the mirror behind me seems different.. she looks cheerful there.

11:20pm
(Ang sipag kung magblog these days.. pansin ko lang) .. Anyway, here's a good thought :

Goodnight!

Jon Snow!!!

Dear Jon Snow baby:)!

You're actually the amazing one... you're always taking my breath away.. chos! Haha... i hope i'll find someone as brave as you... kahit pa "you know nothing"... that actually what makes you amazing! Hehe.. don't die or im gonna die too.. :)

Good night!

Lovingly yours,

A

2June15

5:36pm
I don't wanna go home yet... so I wrote something... something I couldn't published.

6:19pm

Still at the office.. I don't wanna go home still, but everyone's out. I must leave here na.

8:55pm

Just got home.. not because I went somewhere nanaman.. ang hirap lang sumakay.. anyway, I'm having sandwich and mixed fruits for dinner.

10:47pm

Good night!

oh my June!

Wahh! So, it's June! Why time moves this fast??? It's too fast i could't get along with it. Chos! Haha... Anyway, this wasn't really a busy day for me... 

It was too early to go home kanina.. so I tried to ask my friends to meet me.. though I know the chance of meeting them today is only 3.08% (oo, nagcompute pa ako..) haha..  ayoko pa nga kase umuwi.. baka sakali lang...