RULES AND MISSIONS WHEN I GET THERE

 

1. Never forget my religion
2. Never wear sexy outfits or those exposing so much skin
3. Look for agencies recruiting engineers abroad
4. While waiting for the opportunities outside country, apply job for manila
5. Conquer fear
6. Gain confidence
7. Must not feel bad when rejected
8. Experience bravely riding the plane
9. Never tolerate ignorance
10. Be independent
11. If ever I’ll be lucky and find a job with good salary, send money or buy anything that would please my parents
12. Spend some money for my cousin Akot for her basic needs if possible
13. Being out there for maximum of five years
14. Meet and gain friends

 

I’ll try to put on my comments on this entry every time I’ll encounter incidents and situations related on these.

The Meaning Of Loyalty

Am I not welcome to new things or I’m just so loyal?

 

            If only an award is given to those who used their cell phone numbers for 10 years, then I’ll be crowned. I’ve been using my smart number almost 10 years now, I had my first cell phone when I was fourth year school, I can still remember the date, September 6, 2000…yes, the number is still active though my first cell phone is already out of nowhere, I gave it to my father but he lost it..

 

            Well, it’s only the number, I don’t mean to say that when you don’t change your number then you’re out of the trend.

 

            But there are also other things that I still treasure and kept, no matter how outdated and out modeled those were…. Maybe that’s how I really value things…

 

            That’s it!

Ash, Level up!!

I might not see my future, or what awaits me out there, I'm a bit nervous no doubt, but there's no turning back... how will I know anyway. Must set aside my fears, I'm moving on! It's really painful to leave my family but I must learn what I really can do. I'm slowly deteriorating in terms of my profession and if I let this to keep on going, then everything I've done in college will only gone to waste, I'm a civil engineer and not only an ordinary degree holder, that's what I want to remind my self.
My mission for my leaving is to grow up and develop everything in me, of course to find a good job and earn my own money. I need to prove those people who rejected me that they were wrong for not believing in me... and to show those people that I can do something for my self, that I'm not just weak and useless... I can do it, time for me to believe in my self.
I know failure is still possible, but it's better to give it a try than doing nothing at all... maybe there are other things  that are truly meant for me, but for now, I must go on... I must seek for a greener pasture...
For my family, especially my parents, you are the reason why I want to keep my self strong, I want to make you proud...I want to support you, I want to pay you back though you never asked me to.
For BDA, I'm sorry, maybe someday I will volunteer wholeheartedly, when I have something to contribute....
Yah Allah, please help me... Give me strength, knowledge, wisdom and confidence......

im about to fly....

... finally I got my plane ticket to manila, scheduled flight is on Jan. 17... whoohhh, it would be my first to fly on plane.... I'm excited and nervous....

BAD OMEN?

I don't really believe in superstitious belief but I don't exactly disregard their possibilities of being proved either.

I'm on my way to life's good fate quest, soul searching and seek for a greener pasture. I'm supposed to get my plane ticket today but had it postponed, instead I'll have it tomorrow. But just a while ago, a guitar slid down and broke, I'm not sure if it's my fault, but I feel that I am to blame because I was the only person sitting on the  bench where in the guitar was resting just behind it, no one saw the incident and I don't know what to tell them or if they would believe that it wasn't my fault.

Not only that, two nights ago, I accidentally broke a digital camera, it fell and its lens was twisted, it's no longer functioning. (sigh)

Bottom line here is, are those things happen for a reason or I'm just really clumsy?! I can still remember one day when an elder exclaimed a bad omen when I was about to go school and I hit unintentionally a bottle and got broke, she said it was a bad sign that something not good will gonna happen. I don't remember what happened next or was there really a not so good incident occurred.

Now that I'm about to take a trip, I am just wondering if those occurrences  are trying to warn me of something.. Do you think it would affect my journey to be or I will just say, come what may??? ....

RANDOM EMOTIONS AT AROUND 5 IN THE MORNING

I had this very strange feeling this morning at around 5 I guess. It's so melancholic, really confusing, mixed emotions. I am half dreaming being alone in a gloomy and really cold place, like being refrigerated in an ice land, the place is supposed to be beautiful, I saw snow and an igloo, it's actually what I wish to see sometimes, but right then i don't enjoy the scene. Loneliness seems to embrace me so tight. I fear of something I really can't figure out, it's so uncertain and vague, and it came to the point that I even feared and dreaded life, so morbid I know. I'm sorry. I had run out of courage. I'm only half dreaming but I'm very sure that my mind is conscious and wandering.

It's 5:50 A.M while I'm drafting this, I cannot go back to sleep now, I'm so bothered and anxious....

I hope this feeling will fade away later on, I cling on that thought so I can still face the world virtuously....

My January 1, 2010

My January 1 2010...... started with finding coins in our yard (maybe my lil cousins left it there when they were playing around) early in the morning and at the end of the day, I accidentally broke my mom's digital camera....

how's that? my whole year would be what???