5 things I would like to tell 5 people right now 9.10.2012

1.      Thank you so much.. you’re truly a good friend! If it wasn’t for your help then I maybe lost somewhere.. hehe

2.      I was hesitant in meeting you because I’m still a bit disappointed.. but because “getting even” is not really my kind, and I don’t wanna do the same thing as you did, so I showed up…indeed, our friendship surfaced.. when we talked just like the old days, my “tampo” has fade (a bit-hehe)

3.      I regret that I liked you.. but if only I could stop this stupidity over you, then no second thoughts, I will. Or maybe I have moved on already, its just that I couldn’t think of anything—but you.. can you just get lost?

4.      You can’t fool me! I can be good to you as long as you’re not doing anything against me. I’m not being plastic anyway, coz when I dislike people, I rather stay away.

5.      Are you tired of calling me? I’m sorry I couldn’t answer it. Now, I’m wondering what you were thinking. Are you disappointed in me or you just realized what I’m trying to imply. Take care anyway!

Five things I would want to say to five different people right now

1.       I don’t know whether I should feel overwhelmed or insulted with what you been acting.. Of course I know that you don’t intend to make me feel bad, you’re actually trying to lift my confidence up as you indirectly said so. Thank you, it’s just that at some corner of my mind, I am wondering if I am doing things so wrong that you need to push me up. You said, I’m doing great, you’re exaggerating it, that’s why I doubted it… but thank you though, I mean it!

 

2.       I was trying to make things even for us because you once outsmarted me. But at that point I had the chance to do so, my kindness overpowered me. Okay fine! Hands down…

 

3.       I’m sorry if I’m being so careless sometimes, I hope you understand that I am not perfect, that everybody commits mistakes too and I’m no exempted to that.

 

4.       Hey, I don’t want to, but I hate you I do. I’m sorry but I really really hate you right now. I wish I could slap those words to your face! You’re such a damn user, you’re an insensitive lousy fool! But despite everything you’ve done, I’m still on my way to forgiving you, even if you’re not asking for it…. But swear, I’ll never forget!

 

5.       You’ll be fine… never let anyone make you feel bad, no one has the right to do so unless you permits them.. Don’t be insecure, you are beautiful and that’s more than enough! You must not need anyone to cheer you up, you must be independent…. SMILE NOW!

BAD PEOPLE ON MY WAY

As I grow old and have to get along with people—which I’m not really good at, I’m learning their ways. And people are naturally having a bad side I guess and I’m here to give samples of those people I knew who are not just simply mean but above it. I’m your spy now, reporting!

But ofcourse, no name mentioning, hahaha, I’m still protecting their identity, see? I’m not that cruel huh and don’t bother asking why I’m jotting this down.

There are people who wouldn’t be happy if you’re happy, they will destruct you, even find ways to hinder you reach your dreams. I don’t know, why can’t they mind their own businesses. Maybe the logic is like this.. They couldn’t get a  good life, so they wont let you get a good one as well. Am I describing crab mentality here?

Some people will always criticize you, they will only see your mistakes, they would die first before they give you compliments.

You will never be right and they couldn’t be wrong. This kind of people annoys me so much, they won’t admit their mistakes while they will make you feel so stupid for your simple misdoings.

Plastic! They’re unpredictable, they backstabbed others and you thought you’re good, but when you’re not around, you’re the subject for a firing squad.

Super goody! Feeling soooo perfect when they’re not.

Liars!

Heartbreakers-- people who will make you feel important when they don’t actually mean it. Those who wouldn’t give a damn that they’re already breaking your heart. I wonder if they’d taste sweetness when they see you hurting…

Unjust people, I’m referring to those in  higher positions, those who only see and recognize subordinates in not so fair manners. They judge people wrongly, they deal only to those they wanna get along with, only sees specific people and criticize those they disliked, gives you what you don’t deserve and would never consider chances.

And the one that frustrates me a lot? Those people whom you thought your friends, those who will leave you behind, those who will only remember you when they needed something from you. Those who’s so insensitive enough to consider your feelings.

And the like….. so many mean people in the world right? And yes maybe I’m not aware that I’m one of them, ofcourse I don’t wanna be like them! If I am, then surely I’m not that worst. As I’ve said, every human has negative attitudes. But if there will only be two choices left--- good or bad, then maybe I still belong to the former.

Why am I saying this? Because I want to convince myself that wherever I go, I will meet people like I’ve mentioned above, running away isn’t a solution but accepting their existence and learn how to deal with them. I want to tell myself to be strong enough for whatever those bad people would cause me.

Hey bad people, get yourself a good grasp coz there’s no way you’ll going to tear me, I wont let you mess around my life!!!!

PEOPLE ARE PEOPLE

So I’m really growing old, I’m learning different people’s ways. Some are good, some are not. Some remain, others just come and go. Some would break you, some would love you. Some would treasure you, some would only use you. Some would consider your feelings, other would hurt you whether unintentionally or just enjoying by seeing you bleeding.

Do you ever wonder what kind of person are you? Are you the antagonist or the protagonist? Are you the hero, the servant, the lost one, the weakling, the stronger or uninvolved of everything? When in time you'll know what kind you are, do you intend to do something about it?

I’ve met different people, and sometimes I don’t know, what’s really good about being devilish. I’m not bragging here, I’m no saint too, I’m not an angel, I’m not perfect, in my mind I curse too sometimes, yah, I’m being bad too, but i know of course when to tap my self coz i'm reaching the brink.

Some people gave me the impression of being the good girl, they were wrong, I’m only human. And I do agree that no human is perfectly good. But don’t misinterpret me, I’m still goodhearted, I’m just saying that I’m a bit wicked too sometimes,  I thought I’m despicable too.. Shall I ask forgiveness to that? But my case, is not that worst… I know.

So why am I saying these? Because I’m finding myself being part of or surrounded by mean people(not all). I’m not sure if this someone I know is having fun in hurting me, but I wont let that person outsmarts me, maybe I’m paranoid. Maybe I’ve hurt them too, I’m just not aware, so maybe I deserved to get hurt too. Whatever that be, I’m still on set guarding my self.

They said; love your enemies, if you cannot, then love your self. If we keep bothering ourselves thinking about people we hate, then we are giving them power over us, power over our sweet sleeps, appetites, health and happiness. And if only they knew that their presence lacerates us, they’ll probably dance with joy. I know our hate wouldn’t hurt them back, instead the possibility of our days turn into hellish turmoil will strike us.

Anyway, I want to tell myself not to give a single minute thinking of those unwanted people in my life! And, I forgive them.

CHRIS TIU ON SITE

I thought our Project Manager was just kidding us when he informed us that Chris Tiu will visit the site. I saw the excitement of my officemates, ako no comment lang.. Napaisip pa nga ako, “Sino nga si Chris Tiu?”

I was filing some documents, when I heard our PM entering the room while saying “oh, may bisita ako”… Yun na yun… Chris Tiu graced his presence to our hallway, ang lapit ko sa kanya, kung makapal lang mukha ko at ganon ako kaadik sa kanya, I could have hugged him, hahaha…(syempre hindi  ako ganon kahit pa almost 1 meter lng layo nya sken)…. Haha… Our PM introduced him to us individually… I said hi, and he smiled at me… hahahaha

The next thing, picture picture… my shyness overpowered me, that’s why, I never had the chance to have a photo with him, I mean just the two of us while everybody does... hate me..

Anyway, if you are to ask what was he doing there.... he was having his site visit.. he's actually related to the President's owner of our 68th storey condo project...

BRIDA AND MARKY'S REMEMBRANCE

That book Brida by Paulo Coelho (na di ko matapos tapos basahin) is where I inserted this piece of paper Marky gave to me, yan daw remembrance nya, that’s actually a standard and factors of safety in estimating construction materials, same book where I place in my resignation letter, so it wont be crumpled in my bag….

 

Anyway, this was Marky’s idea, di ko naman to lalagay sa multiply, I’m just giving justice to what Marky had said…”hmm, lam ko na, pipiktyuran nanaman nya yan at ilalagay sa diary nya” !!!

 

Marky, eto na nga yun!!!!!

MY LAST DAY MOMENT AT MDCC

A “good luck” from  Engineer Manny (our new CVE head) and this line from Architect Romy(Design Head)   “Ash, last day mo na pala today?? So ganon na lang yun???”

 

A not so tight embrace, (for formality sake only) with the supervisor, Engr. Yhanie.

 

A “no comment”, “no pansinan”, “no looking at each other” reaction with Engr. Kent, (x-head of CVE, nag resigned na daw sya, but still doing some works and whatevers there sa office… (mey ganon???)

 

A “not final goodbye” to my CVE team mates, Engr. Ryan, Engr. Marky, Engr. JR and Ice…. Magkikita pa nman tayo, I’ll be there to your new office last day of May , para lang sa employment certificate and last pay???? Wish ko lang…

 

And would this be my last moment of waiting for a jeepney at this site???

the old man i saw in the pharmacy

 

Yesterday, as I was buying the medicine my brother needed, I saw this old man asking for the price of Optein, it’s a sort of supplementary medicine for eyes. I saw the frustration in his face when he heard the price, around thirty pesos I guess, and with that amount, he was already dismayed. With his expression, I saw poverty, that it would be hard for him to afford it. Then he left the pharmacy. I pity him and realized that I should be thankful with my status of life. I suddenly felt angst to this men whose wasting a lot of money for no cause especially those corrupt people. I wonder why these other people still unsatisfied with their richness and wealth when scarcity is on the other side of the world,there are poor men living in a slum, also those unfortunate beings who would just wait for their sick loved ones pass away, these beggars and paupers sleeping in the streets and other form of scarcity. To those who have ability to help, do something.