Biggest Regret

Yes, “lahat ng pagsisisi ay nasa huli”, and I have lots of these regret things. But this one I’ll tell you might change if I’m going to find a job now, but I’m about to rot here. Everybody says that, since I am a civil engineer, it would be easy for me to find a job…. Whose about to spoil everything here?  It’s me, your very own civil engineer here.

 

So that’s my regret now, actually in college days, I’ve been so uncertain with my course, hannga’t nakagraduate na lang ako, confused pa rin. I don’t know which course I will shift to, kaya kahit meron akong doubt, I finished  civil engineering and even pass the board exam. And everybody is almost put me in the pedestal, upon saying.. “wow, galing naman!”, well, thank you, pero hanggang dun na lang pala yun.. kung ditto land din ako sa hometown ko, then better not expect a job here.. especially, civil engineering works are mostly for men, I just hope that school administrators would create a new curriculum implying that engineering are for men only. I feel disgusted if nag-iinquire ako ng job offering then I’ll be answered, “for male only”, kainis lang. So that’s it, if only I could turn back time, sana higgschool pa ako at wide pag-iisip ko regarding sa future.. Maybe, nursing na lang ako.. the big chance for me to abroad. I know, takot ako sa dugo, but maybe I had overcome it. Sana marami na akong saving ngayon.. Unlike now, I’m so broke…

 

Well, I’m still hoping na magbago kapalaran ko.. Na civil engineering is really meant for me.

for aya

I'm sorry if i was not able to make you happy and proud despite the support and guidance you gave me. I'm sorry for not obeying you sometimes, i guess selflessness is really hard to do. I know there are things you want me to do because it is supposed to be the right one... but there are other things i want to do...

but this i promise you that no matter what happen, i will always consider what you have said and thought me. that someday in my own way, i will repay you.. that i swear to  you, i will make you proud, maybe not now, but i will do my very best to be someone you can be proud of.. i may not do exactly want you want me to be, but i will never do things that I know not appropriate.

youre the BEST FATHER... and feel bad that i cannot give back what you deserve.. maybe not now, but i will do my very best to become a better person. In every step I take, you're always part of me... My success in life, to you I offer... you are the reason why I keep on breathing..

I pray to Allah your health and security.I'll pray to Him to give us more time together, I want you to witness future happening in my life..

Thank you for everything and no one can ever take you're place. you and umi are the best parents in the whole wide world.

what's in my blog

My blogs are not meant to brag, I don’t need publicity or fame. But if anyone would happen to read it and appreciate it, then I’ll be delighted. Well, why do I love writing? It’s my form of expression.. it’s my deepest thoughts and emotions that remain cloaked, my untold wonderings, my concealed complains, my impossible dreams, my wishes upon a star under a dark and cloudy night, my fictional imaginings, my rumblings about my sea of failures as well as my letters to my soulmate and prince charming.

When I was in elementary, I started writing stories in a piece of paper, most of it are truly fictional, I don’t know, maybe I was addicted to fairy tales. Some of my classmates would read it, I thought then I’m going to become a writer. Well, that adds to my list of frustrations. I wish I have save some of those childhood scripts.

In high school, I tried doing poetry. And at the same time, I was the only reader as well but later on, I let my chosen and few friends read it. Now, I still have them. I just laugh at myself whenever I read funny and stupid thoughts I had written, well, nice try.. I know, I’m not good.

Then at college, I get tired of rhyming words. I had my journals, diaries if you’ll consider it. Eighty percent of my write ups are about frustrations and sad thoughts. I became morbid and vain a little.. I found topics at those sorts easy to write…that I want to change.

And at this very moment, I’m still doing such. Ain’t it obvious?

An Example of Corruption in it’s Simplest Way

My brother was shot by our city mayor’s son. Actually they had a rumble, and since this other guy is a politician’s son, he’s very much aggressive and confident in pointing the gun to my brother as if he was doing the right thing, this big headed guy is also known for his immature and futile doings. Well, the rest is history.

 

We intend to blotter the incident though at the side of our minds, justice in this place is quite impossible knowing the involved is the son of our town head. But early in the morning, policemen and the right hand of our mayor went to the hospital, also at home. Their asking for an amicable settlement, not bad, so at least they recognized what did happen. So yes, some of them are policemen, so what’s the use of this blotter thing. They said, do the possible and maximum medical treatment for my brother. They will shoulder the hospitalization. He was actually shot below the knee, and a nerve was damaged. An operation has been done.

 

Oh, I’m getting too far from my title. So, that’s it. During the confinement of my brother in the hospital, we received a total amount of thirty four thousand from them. Then the final bill reached about one hundred and ten thousand pesos.

 

So what’s this corruption thing does about this? We have no against the thought of the mayor that what he can give is only ninety thousand pesos, he said he’s son was not the only person joined the rumble, as a matter of fact, he was also hurt. Well yes, okay fine. But all through out the negotiation, the mayor never faced us, just his administrator. I don’t know if this administrator can be trusted and relaying the exact messages. And upon receiving the said ninety thousand pesos, my mom did not count the money as soon as she reached home….. And it was only eighty eight thousand pesos….

the old man i saw in the pharmacy

 

Yesterday, as I was buying the medicine my brother needed, I saw this old man asking for the price of Optein, it’s a sort of supplementary medicine for eyes. I saw the frustration in his face when he heard the price, around thirty pesos I guess, and with that amount, he was already dismayed. With his expression, I saw poverty, that it would be hard for him to afford it. Then he left the pharmacy. I pity him and realized that I should be thankful with my status of life. I suddenly felt angst to this men whose wasting a lot of money for no cause especially those corrupt people. I wonder why these other people still unsatisfied with their richness and wealth when scarcity is on the other side of the world,there are poor men living in a slum, also those unfortunate beings who would just wait for their sick loved ones pass away, these beggars and paupers sleeping in the streets and other form of scarcity. To those who have ability to help, do something.

 

survivor???

I lost the appetite watching Survivor Palau, the merge portion…. So Marvin was out?? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a Marvin Fanatic but I admit he’s really doing a good job, I bet surviving in an isolated island would be possible for him…

The game goes this way, the participants would create an alliances and vote out their great competitor, yes I know very well that it’s a competition and not a friendship game or whatever, why would you let your big opponent outsmarted you, kick him out first before he’ll take that huge chance away from you.. This is also the scenario in the original version of Survivor…. It’s about alliances and desertion. 

But for those who watch the reality show (well I doubt if it’s not scripted),, we found it as not a fair play, it’s really not… if that’s the case then be a clever monkey first, your strength, speed, endurance and intelligence, which you really need to survive in an remote area, are not enough to win the game.

Well, to this deserving participant, your only chance to stay and prove yourself is to win the immunity necklace, or else you’re dead!

bad morning

8.22am and my day is ruined! I know I'm not good in housekeeping, yes maybe I'm not used to it or im just the laziest person in the whole wide world... was it laziness or am just not enjoying it..? there you go, i'm sure you will tell me that it doesn't matter whether youre enjoying it or not, if it's the right thing to do, then have it accomplished! okay fine! that's why I'm trying and I have no choice since we dont have a maid anymore and I am the only female here at home aside from my mom, so traditionally, damn household chores is my task! but for a person like me, would you expect a perfect work?! i dont ask for an appreciation coz i know well that I dont deserve it.... but my effort?? cant it be at least recognize a little? that i wasn't that useless?.... o, am I not useless?? i dont know, maybe my existence is to give the word useless a meaning...and anyway, Im no longer a civil engineer but a janitor... haha.. yes, todays janitors must attend school for about six years and pay tuition fees too..... take it from me.... and I cant even be the best janitor in town...

i noticed that writing an article is easy when the subject is disgusting!!!!

DELUBYO

           Kim Atienza’s show  Matanglawin featuring “Delubyo” showed how natural calamities can be so disastrous and terrifying. By this wrath of nature, your place might be eradicated in just split of seconds. Are you not afraid? Earthquake, tsunamis, flash floods, volcanic eruptions, landslides, hurricanes, typhoons, tornadoes and other catastrophe. Thousands die, your life seems useless, you can’t run, you can’t hide, you can never escape from this rage.

            Recently, Philippines is experiencing flashfloods and landslides due to the unstoppable storms and typhoons. Hundreds of lives were also washed away, billions worth of asset were also damaged and stamped out. If I’m not mistaken, Philippines is the most disastrous prone country in the world. So alarming, the pearl of the Orient seas might be eliminated in the world map… that’s not impossible, Global warming is on its way…

            So, what now?  Are we just let this thing happen without doing anything? I know we can’t stop it… but in this natural world, we are the only rational being……. I hope you know what I mean.

the adopted kitten and the mouse

my father found this poor kitty stuck in our shop, filled with mud... a survivor of the devastating flood caused by typhoon Ondoy.... we named this little soul ondoy...

the stupid doctor

Now I know why people said, if you want to die, then let the CC Regional Hospital serve you. I’ve been hearing about their poor services and now I proved it true. My brother was shot the other night and was rushed to that hospital by my other brothers. When my mom arrived, there were arguments and whatevers... the doctor in charged sucks! Who this doctor thinks she is... the lousiest doctor I’ve ever known. She kept insisting that my brother was no longer in danger and he can go home.. Damn her! After a little cleaning, x-ray and dressing, my brother still bleeding, and she wants us to go home believing there were no serious injuries and other blah blah blahs... in that condition? She sort of insulting my mom when my mom suggested some medical treatment... for her information, my mother is a midwife and working in a hospital too and my other brother is a nurse, so at least they have medical background too....they're not that ignorant! so fine, we have to leave that cursed hospital. We transferred in a private hospital.. my brother undergone an operation, he’s critical! I pray not... but there’s a nerve damaged.... I want to slap this result to that idiot doctor in  CCRC... now, my brother still under observation, I supposed joining the damaged nerve is still vague if it was successful, there’s also a possibility of infection, worst thing would happen is to cut off his leg… hope not..

 

Back to the stupid doctor who first treated my brother, it’s really sad to know such person exists. Poor and unfortunate people serve by her would just watch their patient die.. somebody teach this doctor some manners and maybe go back to school again…