Another letter for EXJR, of course I feel better now than before, there are just times like this that I’m being reminded of that anger I was trying to bury for quiet long now. And because blurting it out is not possible, this is the only way to keep the rage from spoiling inside me, write it.
"There were some moments I thought I have moved on, that I don’t care about you anymore. Maybe what I’ve felt for you before is about to subside, and that’s what I am wishing too, that your memories will fade. I know that’s hard since I can still see you around.
I wanted to tell you that I hated you, but I never did. And now it seems that you are free from my silent grudge,-- that what you did was fine, that it didn’t affect me a bit.
What else can I do? I am just afraid that I couldn’t defend my self if I’ll tell you that your presence disgusts me. Coz if I do, I might carry the shame if you’ll answer me back this, “what do we had then that gives you now the right to feel mad at me?”
I swear I wanted you to know how much you’ve hurt me. That’s why I don’t keep this message private so somehow you’ll read this even if it cost my humiliation. I wanted you to read my letters coz I couldn’t tell it to your face…
This can be wrong; I must not hate you… but I’m sorry, I hate you. “
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