5/29/2012

7:30pm

I shouldn’t be doing this, not even turning my laptop on.. I should be resting right at this very moment , I just got home and my eyes so drained! Honestly I am physically, mentally and emotionally stressed!

But somehow this is my way of relieving my troubled thoughts.

Why mentally and physically? Its because of work, I’m so busy I don’t know what to do first, I love being busy but I hate being puzzled and rushed. At some point I would want to scream “ayoko na, sobra na to”!.. but I’m not a quitter, I’ve proven that on my first job where my subordinate quitted and I should have done same too, but I did not… I did not because I didn’t want my monster boss underestimate me..

But anyway this is different thing, I don’t have an iron hearted boss here (no,not really hehe), but I have wagonload task to do. And I’m not good at organizing things, I’m so indecisive as to which I should prioritize first especially when most of it is actually urgent! Wahhh, and its making me wonder if I’m being lousy, idle, slow and blah blah blah…. But swear I’m doing the best the I can do to get things done...   Anyway, “kaya ko to, kakayanin ko”!

Emotionally? My dear diary, you know the very reason why, surely you’re overloaded with it. Ahhh.. I feel really bad, I feel so used, mistreated and wronged …. Hahaha.. I sounded as if you need to report this to DSWD hah.. hehe “pasensya na OA lang talaga”

But no! yes no way, I should not tolerate this… I’m not giving anyone the consent to put me down.. even you EXJR… I’m so much fed up with my stupidity for you, you can get lost now! See what I’ve got here, pimples! I hate you soooooo much… your just so lucky to keep me go crazy over you…. I couldn’t even take that word – crazy for you!??!!! errrrr  hahaha

5/27/2012

I’m back to hating Mondays again, it’s been a while since the last time I’ve felt  that early Monday morning sickness, I was surprised actually. I didn’t even wanting Sundays to come, but today, I feel like I want this day to be extended (yah, its Sunday).

It’s lonely here right now, but I don’t want tomorrow to come. …

Argghhh… so where was I today?

Just here in my room talking to myself.. I woke up early, yah past 7am is already early at Sunday… I cleaned the room, I went to SM Manila, I had some shopping (as what my Mom told me to do.. haha).. Get myself a Starbucks treat, and then home again. Watched Adam’s Sandler Jack and Jill, I had a good laugh.. Fixed my closet. Read. And now facing my multiply site and will  make some drama, haha.. spare me this one.

So that’s it, kinda miss my Sunday Multiply moments…

Morning Sunday!

I literally just had a bad dream last night, that seemed so real... and just like what I've said on my facebook account, glad I am awake.

But theres something I really must get myself back to my senses... coz i'm being stupid again, im into something i know will only break me.... actually its already breaking me.. blame me I couldn't stop myself.. hehe

somebody wake up me from this nightmare! i hate being like this... i hate letting anyone hurt me without them knowing it..  no I can't let them... so somebody wake me up!!

but I must admit... this is such a beautiful disaster.... and disasters should end.

cut that crap! so early for me to do some drama.. hehehe

HAPPY SUNDAY ANYWAY!

**** I'll be fine.. i must..

Umeechos Nanaman ako!

UNTITLED

How many times shall I let you break my heart
And you don't even know that, I wish I could tell you

I can't believe I'm being stupid again for you
I wish I am numb

I'm just wondering why destiny would let us meet
When everything will end so soon, it didn't even start for us

I wish getting over you will be easy for me
But damn, everytime you smile at me, i could smile like crazy too!
I hope you don't notice!

chat chat chat

5/21/2012

Never beg for anyone's attention.. you couldn't force people to love you or love you back... they chose only those where they can benefit or anyone they like, and it could be not you..

You should be independent.... if they dont care about you, then why waste you time thinking why, coz life's like that, not all people would appreciate you... not everyone would make you especial... so don't depend on them, love yourself!

Don't prioritize those who dont give you worth, forget about them, they don't deserve any single minute of your time so better stop thinking why!

So, keep your head high now... to hell with them!

why I do love the rain

I love the rain when I don't have to leave home

I love it when my heart is breaking, its as if the sky also cry for me

but baby, i would love to walk into the rain with you if you'll ask me to.

TEARS OF THE SUN

~The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing~ edmund burke



Another nice movie that I finished watching, Tears of the Sun, its not a new one, it was released way back 2003, but I'm such a loser to watch it just now.

I found it so interesting  and "makapagbagabag damdamin".. Its a war film but ihe story didn't fail to impress me. i'm actually used to this kind of movies (yah you will really get used to it when you belong to a family where girls outnumbered by men).. my uncles and my brothers were a huge fan of action and war movies, so what do you expect.. hehe.. and not to mention i was raised to a place not so far away from real war! haha... but I thank God I never had myself inolved to that kind of situation...

and this is actually not about war, its about choices. These soldiers are caught between their mission and humanity. They have to choose whether they should do what they are obliged to  or they should follow their conscience and save the refugees.

Anyway, in movies like this, you would really think that only few men will survive at the end, at ganon nga ang nangyari!

basta tinatamad na ako mag-explain.. antok na kasi ako.... basta, i love this one!

MIDNIGHT DRAMA

Its midnight and I’m still awake, its another thinking too much mode. It’s just the perfect time that I could write something, why? Because I’m again confused… my career—I don’t know if I should keep and pursue what I have now.

And my heart--- still broken, darn that!

(sigh) when will I get tired of being tired, why can’t I move on?

I’m not getting any younger, but I feel so stuck, I’m not sure if I’m having a productive career, blame me, I wasn’t anticipating this during my younger years…. Now, I’m on the boundary of “too late”. Don’t get me wrong, I have a good job, the salary may not be as satisfying when you're in abroad but it was fine.... but, yes another but,-- I want to explore… I want to see the best that I can do! I wanna go abroad! Errrrrrrrr…. But where is my confidence and faith? Somebody help!

EXJR. I thought I’m over him but why am I being disturbed of some thoughts about him. I think I’m still into him, I think I am. But I shouldn’t be, do you think remembering those days he caused me pain will help me eradicate what I feel for him??

No, maybe it will hurt me more.. Gosh, I’m getting O.A again! I hate this! Hahahah.. (ang arte ko!)

Paulit ulit na lang tong dramang to! Walang katapusan! Nagsasawa na ako at alam ko nagsasawa ka na rin.. hahahaha

AAA, itulog mo na lang yan!

at nakuha ko pang magpacute at magpicture..?! effective naman kasi finally inaantok na ako! hahaha
Good night!
EXJR, Good night! kahit pa ginugulo mo buhay ko! haha

5/10/2012

You know what? When you’re already annoyed and had written your blah blah blah on your multiply site, but when you’re about to send it, it was failed! And you couldn’t retrieve what you have written, that’s so damn lame!

So take two now.

As I was saying a while ago, I’m in a hurry to get home so I could talk to you my dear diary, you’re the best listener, because you’re not getting sick and tired of me (as much as how sick and tired of me doing this drama), you’re not complaining, you don’t throw up because I am so over acting, ----- well, as if you have the choice huh?!

I was actually feeling bad today.. why?

DLS! He won’t cease on annoying me! Errrr… the reconciliation, we are moving so slow! When PM gets back, I’m so dead! haha

Our basketball team didn’t win, but I think that’s something not to be sad about, they’ve done their part.

Or because my brother and I just had a petty fight a while ago….. errrrrrrrrrrr….

And I’m confused as ever, should I go or should I not?

Or because my heart is breaking… ewrness.. haha

But somehow I caught myself smiling now.. haha

Sleep mode?.. maybe

So this is good night!

Just one of life's hardest times

As you grow old, you couldn’t exempt yourself in savoring the hardest things in life, one in that list is falling in love to someone you must not fall to… lets call that, the forbidden love. Because you are trying not to break the law, you rather choose to break your own heart.

 You could hardly breath, you could only cry at night to at least respire what suffocates you inside. You could only see him, listen to his voice, feel that stupid smile in your face when he looks at you but you can never say what you really feel about him. You couldn’t tell him how much you appreciate even the paper roses he gave you, nor the small pack of sugar he teasingly gave you—you could only ask him what are those for, though what you really want is to thank him and keep those silly stuffs.

You could only pretend that his existence doesn’t affect you at all when the truth is you don’t want him out of your sight. You would keep the wrapper of a one peso worth chocolate he gave you.You wouldn’t delete even the mindless message he sent you, but you couldn’t let him know any of those.

You could only watch him run his own life, see him fall to someone else while you are devastated, you couldn’t do a single thing, you never had the right to, you couldn’t oppose, you couldn’t fight, you could only cry your heart out!

And when he gets back to you, while his heart breaks too and he’ll ask for your friendship, you couldn’t yell at him, you couldn’t tell him that you hated him too somehow for breaking you heart , you would wanna curse yourself when you realized you are actually trying to comfort him.

You would love to spend few moments with him but your mind would want you to run away. Your mind will dictate this “stupid, don’t get used to it, you know this wouldn’t last for long, and when that happen, swear you gonna tear your heart into pieces all over again”

But your foolish heart will interrupt  and will tell you this“ it doesn’t matter now,  I know you’ll gonna lose him soon, but whether you distant yourself from him or not, still you’ll gonna break your heart, just gather memories of him so you’ll have something to look back someday, you must be happy even for a while….”

Now, are you having the same tough times? Or this girl I knew is the only one who’s into this…. I wish I know what to tell her.. I wish I could help her ease away the hurt she’s into.

But everyone is facing life's challenges, maybe this one goes to her.

this make sense-----

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to let us down probably will. You’ll have your heart broken, probably more than once, and it’s harder every time. You’ll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when someone broke yours. You’ll fight with your bestfriend and maybe even fall inlove with them. You’ll blame a new love for things an old one did. You’ll cry because time is passing too fast and you’ll eventually lose someone close to you. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you’ve never been hurt because every 60 seconds you spend angry or upset is a minute of happiness you’ll never get back."

 

i've read this somewhere, loving it so much!