keep words unsaid?

i feel disgusted with someone.. but i jus't couldn't tell him.

I STILL HATE YOU EXJR

Another letter for EXJR, of course I feel better now than before, there are just times like this that I’m being reminded of that anger I was trying to bury for quiet long now. And because blurting it out is not possible, this is the only way to keep the rage from spoiling inside me, write it.

"There were some moments I thought I have moved on, that I don’t care about you anymore. Maybe what I’ve felt for you before is about to subside, and that’s what I am wishing too, that your memories will fade. I know that’s hard since  I can still see you around. 

I wanted to tell you that I hated you, but I never did. And now it seems that you are free from my silent grudge,-- that what you did was fine, that it didn’t affect me a bit.

What else can I do? I am just afraid that I couldn’t defend my self if I’ll tell you that your presence disgusts me. Coz if I do, I might carry the shame if you’ll answer me back this, “what do we had then that gives you now the right to feel mad at me?”

I swear I wanted you to know how much you’ve hurt me. That’s why I don’t keep this message private so somehow you’ll read this even if it cost my humiliation. I wanted you to read my letters coz I couldn’t tell it to your face…

This can be wrong; I must not hate you… but I’m sorry, I hate you. “

My Cooking Talent

I don’t really cook on usual days… aside from, feeling tired after work, I’m such a lousy cook as well.. hehe

I know little about cooking, plain rice, fried egg, fish, chicken—stuffs as basic as that, that’s all I know, and sometimes I couldn’t even perfect it, I unintentionally overcooked them.

And because of that, I hardly save money because I tend to eat anywhere, different fast food chains and resto.. (but not those really expensive one, or else I’ll end up broke), I’ve got few choices as well for I am trying really hard to get rid of foods with pork related products.

Since yesterday was Sunday, I cooked ground beef with carrots, potatoes and other seasonings, what’d you call that recipe? I don’t know… The outcome? Too oily.. hahaha… but enjoyed it.

And today, (holiday), I made sweet and sour fish, I haven’t tasted it yet, I’m not hungry yet. And I don’t think I was doing a good job on that, I overcooked the fish (again)…

Picture? No way.. I’m being lazy doing that right now, and what for? I know I wouldn’t make a good presentation.. hehe

Got to eat my dinner now..

HELLO???

And what was that all about???!!

Somebody serenaded me at office at about 4pm, uwian na non,  I was actually finishing the movie I started during the lunch break when he arrived with my other officemates. At first I thought it wasn’t for me, I didn’t even take it seriously..

I thought he’s just like this guy (one of our workers) my other officemates asked to make harana the girls in the office.

I don’t know… hahahaha

Anyway, with a guitar, he sang this line

“Cause I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
Are you somewhere feeling lonely, or is someone loving you?
Tell me how to win your heart
For I haven't got a clue
But let me start by saying, I love you ...”

That’s the song if I remember it right, I wasn’t focusing that time, I was actually puzzled and I’m still puzzled at this very moment. I don’t even notice him there in our project site.

Yun lang, gusto ko lang sabihin! haha

food tripping and movie marathon

It’s not because today is November 1 that I got to watch horror and suspense films, I could say I’m used to such. I just hate boring movies, that’s I why I watch movies like those.

Later this afternoon, I had my food tripping and a movie marathon as well. “The Husk” and “Devil” were the first two movies I’ve watch, both terrorized me a bit.. hahaha

And to calm my disturbed senses due to those movies, I shifted to a light  one “The smurfs”--- that was smurfsly cute. I just love that thought of getting transported to other place, I had written a story with that kind of concept too, you know, animation inspired.. hehe, yah because I feel like I don’t belong “here” sometimes, I’ve dreamed of disappearing and get into another world, absurd huh!... anyway  “the smurfs” movie was the other way around, these blue cute creatures got themselves lost in our world, that’s New York City to be particular…

Anyway, Good night! Back to work tomorrow (sigh)…

;)

Because there were many words l left unsaid, they piled up! And because they piled up, now I have nothing to say… oh, there’s one--- I just wished that I wouldn’t be able to miss that blue moon moment in my life…. And what could that be? I guess that’s better unsaid.

How am I spending my holloween break?

I just love holidays…. I’m able to do the things I was actually being deprived of during working days. But hey, 3 days aren’t enough..

So I sounded like I have so many plans that I couldn’t get enough huh?! Actually, I didn’t have a get away schedule, not even a date with anyone (oh, I expected one, but she wasn’t able to make it, yeah it’s a she!!)…

 You know what I was thinking then?.... complete rest, movie marathon, blogging and read other’s work, stuffs like that.

But it’s the last day of no work days, past 3pm, but I haven’t watch any movie, and this blog after that one last Saturday night.

Anyway, blame my sister, she asked me to buy her these.. that… and etceteras.. , I was out last Sunday, I went to divisoria and yesterday, I was at Glorietta and Market market.

Okay, can I watch a movie now?

Ofcourse!

HAPPY HOLLOWEEN!!!