Everybody has different views and perception in how to attain happiness. Some say, just get contented, love what you're doing, do what you want, follow your heart, and stop questioning whether you're happy or not..
As for me, I don't even know what's gonna make me really happy or if am I truly happy... and that's another form of tragedy.. It's like I'm just walking into a static line feeling all kinds of emotions. I don't really have that spirit of a strong willed and a cheerful person, sometimes I thought I'm bottled up, and just watch the world from in there... Sometimes I feel so free and that freedom is actually making me more puzzleheaded, too many choices, ended up stuck.
I hated inconsistency but I am inconsistent too... I keep on changing my mind. I even loses my self esteem because I can't keep up my words with myself... I do keep my words to other people but not with myself... Because I thought, this is my life, its okay to change my mind all the time... but I'm working on it, I wanna be better.
Maybe it's right, I maybe have the that kind of life crisis which is unparalleled to others, some are lesser or heavier than I could carry-- they don't even have the time to evaluate themselves if they are fulfilled or not... and they don't really care.. it's not that I am comparing, or maybe I am.. but not the negative way... just saying, everybody's facing life differently, it's a matter of choice, the way you think..
Sometimes you wonder, why they have everything you wanted and you don't? But have you ever wondered how many people wished to be at your place too? yes, it's unfair, who says it's not... it's just the way you play it.
I maybe appeared or sounded unhappy sometimes... but I'm not miserable. I maybe unsure if I am pursuing the right track, or if I am at the right place... if I am doing the things I love (maybe not, maybe yes) I have so many why's ..why can't .. why not... why don't I even ask anyway...? The only out of the blur is life is too short for those who are enjoying it and too long for those who dreaded waking up everyday... I may talk a lot of non sense, complains a lot, grumble about the things I am missing but God knows how I try to convince my self that life is still beautiful, despite my imperfectness, I wont trade it for anyone's life.
This blog may serve nothing.. I may still be the way I am...I may still frown and cry when I'm broken. I may still curse when I should not.. I may still hate when I told myself I must not and maybe I wont stop complaining. That's how life goes. I grew up real slow, and I maybe left behind. Things would get better, then gets worse, then better again, then worse again... it will not stop from rolling unless you're dead! I guess they're right , something is wrong when everything seems to be amiably perfect.
Sometimes things are treasured when its gone, realize their precious worth when you lose them, you'll realize you're too lucky having what you've got because you're too blinded with the things you've missed...
The books you read, the words of wisdom from your favorite philosophers, your friend's advices, those flooding quotes on your facebook wall -- you could agree, but not that easy to apply in real life. All we could do is to give it a try and start it by counting our blessings and cherish what we got.
Acknowledging what's making me feel happy (yes, it does): Having my faith, my family- who's maybe far but yet so near, my few good friends who's just right there, they made me laugh and cry and never gave up on me even at my worst self, my profession, my job - it doesn't matter if it makes me happy but it keeps me living, my ability to travel and discover new things.
It also makes me feel great every time I accomplish something I though I couldn't, when I could help and make someone smile, when the people I care are happy, when I write anything goes (Not good at writing just loving it), my independence, movies, bus rides, chocolate cakes, crabs, ice cream, videoke (haha), the rain, the beach, the sky (corny but its true), music, kittens, internet, viber, facebook, blogger, my cellphone, pictures, books, notebooks, takeru Satoh (haha), letters, food tripping, my wishful thinking, dreams - my dreams are childish maybe but it's fine rather than having nothing at all.....
Taking those things away from me would absolutely make me feel sad.... though not being sad may not also mean being happy, I don't really mind, I think simple things as those mentioned define happiness to me....
Now, I'm done with this, I didn't even notice I made it this long when I wanted it concise.. haha! For if ever someone accidentally gets this far reading it.. for sure I bore you but congratulations! You made someone happy! Haha
