ECHOS LANG!
"Dear _______,
I’m sorry if I haven’t made you feel that I was into you. I haven’t said a single thing about how much I liked you, I did keep everything a secret because I was afraid I might hurt you someday for I am someone who can’t fight her love, especially in our case, we are living in different world.
You heard me right, I did it because I don’t want you to suffer and itI doesn’t matter even if it seems that it’s me who is actually hurting right now.
Love,
Ms. Stupid"
I feel stupid, really. That if I wouldn’t breathe out my disturbing thoughts here then I might miss a good night sleep.
I couldn’t give you the technicalities of what’s really bothering me, it’s about my work .. I think I’m being a cause of a delay or at least being part of that delay.
and this feeling: its like, you’re in a debate, and you pick the side that you don’t really agree with, but you have to prove you do.. get my point?
I’m dealing with a certain person, she’s defending herself and I actually agree with what she’s saying, but I couldn’t say yes because I was told by a superior not to…. Instead, I could just shut my mouth because I don’t know what to say. I don’t wanna lie either.
Errrr. It disturbs me.
I have fixed my mind right? That I’ll be resigning earlier next year, I’ll try my luck in abroad.. but why am I not booking a flight ticket now!
I thought I’m so much fed up with my uncertainties that at last I’ve made up mind... but where the hell is my plane ticket now.
I’m doing fine with my present job, its an honor to be part of the construction of an high end 67th storey condominium, got no problem with my officemates (not really), a salary that wouldn’t at least starve me.
But on the other hand, working here is making me far from my family, and I don’t think it would make a big difference if I’ll do it abroad, at least the salary is larger than I could get in here, I could afford more than anything I want, travel and so on… I could treat not only myself but my family.. They’re not asking anything from me, but I will feel good if I would be able to give them something.
But I heard life in abroad is not that easy as well. It’s actually a risk and unfortunately, I’m not a risk taker.
O my! I'm confused again! i'm not getting any younger and still concluding a decision is so hard for me. why o why??.. i think i'm crazy. haha
Somebody help me!!!!!!!!!! that's what wahhhhhhhhhhhh all about.
Our little Christmas tree and Maam May's Pizza treat
Ofcourse i dont celebrate Christmas, this is just "pakikisama".. ;)Another letter for EXJR, of course I feel better now than before, there are just times like this that I’m being reminded of that anger I was trying to bury for quiet long now. And because blurting it out is not possible, this is the only way to keep the rage from spoiling inside me, write it.
"There were some moments I thought I have moved on, that I don’t care about you anymore. Maybe what I’ve felt for you before is about to subside, and that’s what I am wishing too, that your memories will fade. I know that’s hard since I can still see you around.
I wanted to tell you that I hated you, but I never did. And now it seems that you are free from my silent grudge,-- that what you did was fine, that it didn’t affect me a bit.
What else can I do? I am just afraid that I couldn’t defend my self if I’ll tell you that your presence disgusts me. Coz if I do, I might carry the shame if you’ll answer me back this, “what do we had then that gives you now the right to feel mad at me?”
I swear I wanted you to know how much you’ve hurt me. That’s why I don’t keep this message private so somehow you’ll read this even if it cost my humiliation. I wanted you to read my letters coz I couldn’t tell it to your face…
This can be wrong; I must not hate you… but I’m sorry, I hate you. “
I don’t really cook on usual days… aside from, feeling tired after work, I’m such a lousy cook as well.. hehe
I know little about cooking, plain rice, fried egg, fish, chicken—stuffs as basic as that, that’s all I know, and sometimes I couldn’t even perfect it, I unintentionally overcooked them.
And because of that, I hardly save money because I tend to eat anywhere, different fast food chains and resto.. (but not those really expensive one, or else I’ll end up broke), I’ve got few choices as well for I am trying really hard to get rid of foods with pork related products.
Since yesterday was Sunday, I cooked ground beef with carrots, potatoes and other seasonings, what’d you call that recipe? I don’t know… The outcome? Too oily.. hahaha… but enjoyed it.
And today, (holiday), I made sweet and sour fish, I haven’t tasted it yet, I’m not hungry yet. And I don’t think I was doing a good job on that, I overcooked the fish (again)…
Picture? No way.. I’m being lazy doing that right now, and what for? I know I wouldn’t make a good presentation.. hehe
Got to eat my dinner now..
And what was that all about???!!
Somebody serenaded me at office at about 4pm, uwian na non, I was actually finishing the movie I started during the lunch break when he arrived with my other officemates. At first I thought it wasn’t for me, I didn’t even take it seriously..
I thought he’s just like this guy (one of our workers) my other officemates asked to make harana the girls in the office.
I don’t know… hahahaha
Anyway, with a guitar, he sang this line
“Cause I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
Are you somewhere feeling lonely, or is someone loving you?
Tell me how to win your heart
For I haven't got a clue
But let me start by saying, I love you ...”
That’s the song if I remember it right, I wasn’t focusing that time, I was actually puzzled and I’m still puzzled at this very moment. I don’t even notice him there in our project site.
Yun lang, gusto ko lang sabihin! haha
It’s not because today is November 1 that I got to watch horror and suspense films, I could say I’m used to such. I just hate boring movies, that’s I why I watch movies like those.
Later this afternoon, I had my food tripping and a movie marathon as well. “The Husk” and “Devil” were the first two movies I’ve watch, both terrorized me a bit.. hahaha
And to calm my disturbed senses due to those movies, I shifted to a light one “The smurfs”--- that was smurfsly cute. I just love that thought of getting transported to other place, I had written a story with that kind of concept too, you know, animation inspired.. hehe, yah because I feel like I don’t belong “here” sometimes, I’ve dreamed of disappearing and get into another world, absurd huh!... anyway “the smurfs” movie was the other way around, these blue cute creatures got themselves lost in our world, that’s New York City to be particular…
Anyway, Good night! Back to work tomorrow (sigh)…
Because there were many words l left unsaid, they piled up! And because they piled up, now I have nothing to say… oh, there’s one--- I just wished that I wouldn’t be able to miss that blue moon moment in my life…. And what could that be? I guess that’s better unsaid.
I just love holidays…. I’m able to do the things I was actually being deprived of during working days. But hey, 3 days aren’t enough..
So I sounded like I have so many plans that I couldn’t get enough huh?! Actually, I didn’t have a get away schedule, not even a date with anyone (oh, I expected one, but she wasn’t able to make it, yeah it’s a she!!)…
You know what I was thinking then?.... complete rest, movie marathon, blogging and read other’s work, stuffs like that.
But it’s the last day of no work days, past 3pm, but I haven’t watch any movie, and this blog after that one last Saturday night.
Anyway, blame my sister, she asked me to buy her these.. that… and etceteras.. , I was out last Sunday, I went to divisoria and yesterday, I was at Glorietta and Market market.
Okay, can I watch a movie now?
Ofcourse!
HAPPY HOLLOWEEN!!!
