Would you believe me if I say I’m surviving the holidays not totally consumed by this world weariness? Was I joking on that? Hehe

I’m actually really bored, I’m thinking of something I should have done--- a tour somewhere outside the country, but I went so idle I haven’t planned that earlier, I was just thinking but never done something concrete. I never booked a flight, accommodation, not even listed possible itineraries and stuffs like that.

Or maybe I should have gone home… I should be chatting with my family by now, eating the foods I love and missed, meeting my old friends, play around with my little cousins, road tripping with my sister, giving my brothers some food tripping somewhere downtown and so on..

But I’m totally not! I’m just here in my room, just movie and food tripping, I should have gone out but I don’t know where to go, I supposed to meet a friend and might had some strolling, but unfortunately it was cancelled. What a dull life I’m having right? Hehe.. I’m not complaining, do I?

I love holidays but I hate it when I couldn’t stop myself from thinking of so my mindless thoughts.  But I won’t let it beat me… no way! hehehe 

5 things I want say to 1 person

These are the five Reasons Why I should hate you

1.      You fool around with me and I don’t deserve that!

2.      You used me to cover up your own heartaches, and you’ve change so suddenly leaving me wondering why.

3.      I saw the way you care for someone and you didn’t do a single thing of that to me… and you just let me watch it without considering my feelings.

4.      You broke a promise, it wasn’t really a promise, but what you’ve said is something I believed…. But instead you’ve done that with someone else.

5.      I hate that I couldn’t hate you that much… I shouldn’t be despising you, but I shouldn’t be disturbed with some thoughts of you either. Now you’re making me hate myself for doing this… and that’s why I hated you! 

If I am So Wonderful, then why am I still Single?

If you hate corny and mind annoying stuffs, stop reading.

I’ve been thinking of writing this so long time ago but I was afraid it might humiliate me.. (because I’m not going to hide this).

Everyone is getting married and I still couldn’t imagine myself being a bride, I never even a part of a wedding ceremony, never a bride’s maid, so I guess that’s a sign telling me I’ll grow old single--- I hate to, I don’t want to but I have a feeling that I would.

I still cling on this quote

“Women are like the apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. The boys dont want to reach for the good ones, because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead they get the apples from the ground that arent as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them when in reality they are amazing! They have to wait for the right guy to come along. The one who is brave enough to climb to the top of the tree.”

I’m 28, single, never been into a real relationship and it makes me ask this, ‘if I am so wonderful then why am I still single? And honestly, it makes me feel so unpretty! I’m trying to convince myself that I am also an apple on that peak of that tree waiting for someone I deserved, but maybe I am wrong, I’m just one of those apples on the ground hiding on the grass. I’m sorry self I’m not suppose to tolerate this pity for myself. I was a late bloomer and suddenly I’m now accelerated into facing the midlife crisis.

Maybe I over guarded my heart, now I couldn’t get out from my comfort zone. I stopped growing from that wallflower teenage girl, shy and not confident. I’m still that young girl who waits for her crush to get notice her (not doing a single move)--- but unfortunately he wouldn’t. I’m still that someone who wouldn’t go out for a date with anyone she thought she would never like—though I tried once. I’m still that girl who’s so scared to hurt someone else’s feelings. I’m still that insecure lad who would never try to beautify herself, she doesn’t know how actually.

I’m not choosy either, I’m just a hopeless romantic believing and waiting for that someone to come into my life and live happily ever after, I know I’m such a loser to believe in that… I guess he’ll never come… no one is brave enough to dare.

And I guess I would stay like this forever… but I must not be sad. Oh, I am not sad.

I must be happy no matter what.. It doesn’t mean I must have what other has. I’ll be fine… I’ll be fine…  I am fine!

Wicker Park

Whooow!.. that’s all I can say, over and over as I was watching this!.. I never thought I would appreciate this, I copied it in my officemates movie files, not because I heard or I have an idea that this movie is awesome!! I copied it thinking it might “somehow” entertain me on the weekend..

 

It’s a love story, and there were only few foreign (love stories) film that I found not boring… two thumbs up to this!

Wicker park is actually reminding me of so many local movies or novels, but this one is so effortlessly beautiful!

I’m not narrating the plot here, aside from I’m not good at that, I want you to watch for yourself. If you are a stalker (count on me there.. joke!) or being stalked, then surely you can relate on this.. hehe

And I love the songs played here—“the scientist” by cold play and “Beautiful and Stranger” by Aqualung.

The Butterfly Effect

I’ve watched so many movies recently but never had the thought of visiting my multiply and make a review or comment about them, until I’ve got to see “Butterfly Effect” and “Time Traveler’s Wife”.

Butterfly Effect, the title didn’t give me an impression of it as worth watching, saved in one of my officemates shared movies on our network while I ran out of movie choices on our break time.

After getting done of it yesterday, now I could say it was really a nice movie! I thought first it’s just a psychological problem related film, but it’s actually fictional but swear this one make sense! The main cast could travel back to his past and could change everything. He could alter his present situation if he could change something from his past.

Despite the critical failure and negative reviews it earned as what I’ve read on the internet while looking for pictures I could attach in here, still I got the message this movie wanted to portray.

In real life, I was thinking of transporting to my childhood days too and would have to choose different path, who and what would I be right now…? I was filled with “what if” thoughts and that movie just struck my mind. Sometimes I regret my past actions and I would think that my life would have been perfect “if  only” or “if only I had not”—anything from the past. But this movie is answering my life queries that no matter what you did in the past, still life wouldn’t be picture perfect. If you want to see my point, just watch the movie…

And it so coincidental that the movie I’ve seen this morning has similarity to that abovementioned one, “Time Traveler’s Wife”, from its title, you shouldn’t ask why. But the difference is, the main character couldn’t change anything from his yesterdays. And this one made me cry too, haha… yah, I’m not sure if I just wanted to cleanse my eyes that I cry in sad movies or I am really bleeding my heart out.. haha.. I’m exaggerated there!

Anyway, lesson learned? Value time coz time is gold (so new.. hehe).

That’s all!

its october 1!!!

And I've done a good job today! yey! but i bleed my head first before finding that out, that was actually simple, but we found it complicated along the way in solving that matter! haha.. and i when i learned it, what I could just say is "ganon lang pala yun??"...

anyway, i can add that to the list saying that I'm not that stupid! not at all... hahaha

that was in the morning... in the afternoon I had another maze to solve.. and i thought I was the doing the right thing in telling a certain person that's he's not doing it right... I know i got my point but it so hard for me to correct people or to tell them "this" and "that", "do this again", "no. not like that" and stuffs like that...i don't know why I would feel that way, I just don't want anyone feel wronged because of me .. if i put my shoes on them, its okay for me to be corrected, but i hate it when somebody would think that i am bragging, that i am "nagmamarunong".... Coz, honestly I am not someone who would blow her own horns just to get credits, I must admit, i hate commiting mistakes..... that's why I rarely take risks, not good I know..

Its not that I don't have a sense of authority, (actually I dont have.. haha) but I just dont want anyone hates me....  you dont have to say it, we cant please everybody! i know well.... hehe

oh my! when will I be confident???!!

so much for this..

Why am I smiling alone???

They said, when you smile alone, you really mean it!...  or it could be the other way around, you're going crazy! haha

Anyway why am smiling alone? Could it be the movie series I was watching awhile ago??, no, surely it wasn't, that was nice but a bit bloody and tragic! (bitin nga e kasi kulang yung kopya ko, i thought I wouldn't enjoy it).....

Or could it be the blog of someone I am now reading.... He's doing his post cute and sweet... (corny ng description ko! haha)

Maybe the pouring rain outside!

Or the music I'm listening to at the moment...

or maybe the "memories"....

or maybe you're right, I know what you think.... maybe because I'm  inlove! (ew that! hehe)... I'm actually broken hearted.. haha..

maybe I should sleep now.....

Good night!

Just Goodnight and Some Thoughts before I sleep.. ;)

it feels really bad when you’re feeling so mad at someone but you couldn’t yell at that person, you couldn’t do a thing instead you just let those feelings rot inside you. And why you can’t? It’s because of two reasons.

 First, you have no right to hate that person, even if he was so unkind and insensitive to you, even if he was intentionally hurting you (or not) – because he never promised you anything. Indeed, action speaks louder than words, but still words will win through, though lies are also born in the course of words.

Second, you wouldn’t tell your feelings to those concern, those who caused you pain because you don’t wanna make them feel overwhelmed and be delighted when they’ll know there presence lacerates you…. (Unless, if that someone cares about you even a bit, but I doubt that… haha)

Cut! This is supposed to be a-not-so-serious post, but I spoiled it, I was so dramatic above there… haha, that’s why I stopped myself, I know.. I know! Its not good to hate someone, and posting stuff like this is not a good idea as well, the public will mock me for sure, though I hid it to some, but customizing settings is a sort of laborious matter, so still, this I set to public because I wanted someone would read this--- there I gamble my humility.. haha.. (Nobody would read this anyway, I bet).

I said too that I would stop doing this nonsense for like a hundred times already, but still, these thoughts are like mushrooms that keep on coming no matter what..  I couldn’t stop them, so I write them down… and it works! (yeah, at least) doing this is like throwing  stones into the sea, throwing away my heartaches! (ew! Haha).

Time to shift thoughts , how bout good things now?? (gah….. I couldn’t think of any)… I want to say, My life is a mess! But I must not (though I said it already.. haha)…

Anyway, behind that bitterness, I am grateful of so many things in my life… I’m loving myself to this I’m about to say…( probably, if in case someone, somehow is reading this, for sure he/she would stop already, I’m making it too lengthy now.. hehe..)…

I’m thankful for having the best parents in the world. I just loved them so much…

I’m thankful that I have a job, for my profession and for earning my own money.

I must be thankful that I wasn’t born a beggar.

I’m thankful I’m not impaired nor crippled.

I’m thankful for my freedom.. for the choices I could make (though its only making me more confuse haha)

I’m thankful for those few people who understand me….those true good friends.

I'm thankful that no matter how my heart was broken for countless times, its still working..

I’m thankful for the things I knew… for the knowledge I’ve learned.

I’m thankful to my multiply site… for listening without complaining.

I’m thankful that I am skinny-- should I be thankful to that after wishing I could gain weight??.. yes I should, after realizing that some girls dreamed to be one, and I could EAT ALL I CAN!

I’m thankful that I’m not ugly.. (am I not or I’m just fooling my self?.. haha), my siblings told me I am ugly, I told them they are ugly too! (Though I don’t really mean it, I’m sure my brothers and my sister are not ugly, but me??? I don’t know.. haha)… anyway, I love them though they are such a headache-causing-people!

I’m thankful that you are reading this…. (not everyone would waste their time on this, maybe just you..hehe)

And most of all I THANK GOD…..and I’m sorry for being morbid sometimes.

that's all! Time for a Goodnight now.......

How could the rain be so mean to me?????

Just got home, caught in the middle of the heavy rain while on my way.....and my shoes are so messed and was soaked on the flood.. i might enjoy the rain if  only its not so polluted in here.... beware of leptospirosis too.. haha

and i looked so exhausted as this too..


Goodnight anyway!

Just Photographs and Memories

Who says scrapbooking is old school?? Yah, maybe to some but not to me..

My mom decided to print some of our pictures taken in Singapore and put them into an album, that’s when I realized that I should do the same thing too, I mean I must not be contented only in keeping my pictures on my laptop, nor on my facebook and multiply account. What if they’ll get hacked or be infected with virus again (it already happened to my laptop where I lost most of my files)?? I couldn't afford to lost those evidence of memories, not again...

And its way back in 2007 (I guess) where I last printed pictures, blame the improving technology on that, computers and the social networks!

But I would love to do that again, that compiling of photos!  So I’ve chose more than a hundred of photos here that was captured from 2009 to present and had them printed…. Pictures from different places and occasions.. even those most silliest picture I had.

And as of the moment, I’m still working on the captions on every pictures, I’m still remembering the reasons why those pictures are special!

 

9/14/2012

Feel my silent rage, coz I just can't tell you. If only I could let you know without me saying a word how much I hated, then I would.. you make me smile outside but you're breaking my heart..

I hated you because I had liked you, I don't want to feel this regrets because it wasn't my choice..maybe not your fault as well, I was stupid.

Swear, I am trying not to feel mad at you, but i couldn't stop myself, and I'm sorry for that. I just wish that you were once true, I don't have the right to ask you, though I really wanted to...

Someday, I will forgive you though you're not asking for it, you don't even know why you should be forgiven....

5 things I would like to tell 5 people right now 9.10.2012

1.      Thank you so much.. you’re truly a good friend! If it wasn’t for your help then I maybe lost somewhere.. hehe

2.      I was hesitant in meeting you because I’m still a bit disappointed.. but because “getting even” is not really my kind, and I don’t wanna do the same thing as you did, so I showed up…indeed, our friendship surfaced.. when we talked just like the old days, my “tampo” has fade (a bit-hehe)

3.      I regret that I liked you.. but if only I could stop this stupidity over you, then no second thoughts, I will. Or maybe I have moved on already, its just that I couldn’t think of anything—but you.. can you just get lost?

4.      You can’t fool me! I can be good to you as long as you’re not doing anything against me. I’m not being plastic anyway, coz when I dislike people, I rather stay away.

5.      Are you tired of calling me? I’m sorry I couldn’t answer it. Now, I’m wondering what you were thinking. Are you disappointed in me or you just realized what I’m trying to imply. Take care anyway!

9th of 9th of 2012

Hey… its Sunday and its about to end, I hate Mondays as always..

Anyway, so what we got here today?? Nothing so fascinating as always too but I love Sunday, you know that!

I woke up past 10am, I know that’s kinda late but you’ll forgive me if I’ll tell you that I rise from bed at 5:30 am Monday-Saturday..

I had this picture tripping, no breakfast yet, not even washed and brushed my hair, my teeth as well… hehe.. just wanna show the world how I looked messed up in the morning.. that my brother would tell me this when he saw the pictures.. “ew! Walang ligo, mukhang ang baho mo”.. hahaha

Anyway, so I ate breakfast, oh that’s “brunch” to be specific… then browsed the internet, chat with my sister and my friends, watched online the remaining episodes of walking dead season2 that I haven’t watched.

I just loved Glen!

Later this afternoon, I had a slight headache, so I decided to see the sun for awhile, the sunset coz that's already 5pm when i left my room.. I took my dirty clothes to the nearest laundry shop, bought some fruits and groceries at Save More, just few meters away from us.

And at the moment I’m back to watching the Walking Dead, it’s just a bit annoying the player is loading so sluggish, that’s why I’m doing this blog while waiting…. (sigh).

just happy..maybe..;)

Hey! I kinda miss you my diary…

just a while ago when I left the office, I was thinking of blogging, I have so much in mind, but now that I am facing you, thoughts seem to fade… maybe the traffic jam (that was really worst) –is responsible… I’m just so tired right now.

I just wanna tell you how I can’t understand my emotion today, I was having a good laugh with reason I couldn’t really pull out from the blurry, yah, I really don’t know why.. I’m not sure if it’s just that I’m happy or I’m getting crazy! Hehe.. I was even in an awkward situation just this afternoon, and you know what I did?!  laugh! Yah, like a fool… now, I’m wondering what they were thinking..

I was smiling alone while walking… now who cares anyway?! If they think I’m insane, then let them… hehe

Good night now! That’s all I can say.

SINGAPORE

Yours truly, my mom and my brother just had our trip to Singapore last August. I could say those were just some of the good days in my life, away from work, away from my daily routine, and away from my dull and boring life in Manila (hehe).

But before that short great days took place, I went home to our hometown to celebrate the Eid there, and that was, fortunately, a good excuse in my leave form, I didn’t tell anyone in the office of my plan of going to SG until I went back, (I told just a few of my officemates).

Anyway, time to paint memories now.

We arrived at Changi Airport 8:20pm 23^rd of August. My former officemates who work in SG now fetched us in the Airport, tnx to Jeny and Mike! They introduced us to the means of transportation there, it was easy and convenient… train, buses and taxi. I was prepared too, I listed an itinerary with directions as how to get into those places, tnx to gotheresg.com.

I booked a 3-shared private bedroom to Ideal Backpackers Hostel, it wasn’t the classy but still, we we’re comfortable there, the staff are accommodating.

24^th of August.

Here are the places we dropped by… Just the three of us, I was lost many times in Manila but not in SG, MRT stations are organized, and as long as I know how to read and ask, you won't get lost.

Breakfast at IMAM Banana Leaf Resto.

Fullerton Hotel.

The Asian Civilization Museum.

Marina Bay/Merlion Park.

 

Esplanade.

Had a great time in Sentosa--Universal Studios.

Stopped by at Vivo City

Some shopping spree in Bugis.

At night, my mom and I went to Mustafa Center, I was actually planning of going there  alone but she insisted to come. Oh, that was the only time we had a problem in going back home because I was not able to search it on the internet and too tired to ask, that was so late then, but still we found our way home.

Here's my tired but at least happy face in one of the stores in Mustafa Center where we bought some souvenirs.

25^th of August

My mom and I visited first thing in the morning Arab Street..

China Town’s next.

At Orchard Road—ION and Tangs Plaza.. just had some window shopping, maybe the only thing I hate about SG is the cost of living! But I love the food choices, good for us!.. many eateries that serve Halal foods.

Then we met my brother at Lucky Plaza (he was too lazy to come with us in the morning). There were so many Filipinos there; it’s as if you’re just walking around Manila. I was ashamed when I ordered our meal in one of the resto there, I spoke in English, but they replied in Tagalog! Haha, that happened twice actually.

Garden’s by the Bay-- Cloud Forest and Flower Dome.

Passed by at The Singapore Flyer.. I didn’t take the ride though I really wanted to, blame my mom and my bro who's so afraid of heights! Losers! Haha

Back to the hostel at past 7pm, I wanted to go out to see Marina at night, but my legs was so hurting, I was so exhausted! I ended up sleeping!

26^th of August

In the morning, my brother, my mom and I had a strenuous but fulfilling stroll in Singapore Botanic Garden and National Orchid Garden. We did it in “fast forward” manner, we are running out of time.

In the afternoon, we separate ways, Mom and Bro went back to Orchard Road to do some shopping, I met my friend jeny and Mike again… Arleen(former officemate too) couldn’t come. We had a nature tripping in Pulau Ubin. I was hesitant at first in going there, I might miss our flight (12:40am of 27^th). Pulau Ubin is an Island we need to cross the sea in about 20mins. Anyway we reached the place, we rented bikes, oh no, just them, what a shame! I forgot how to do it.. nyahha… sorry jen, you need to carry me.. haha..

We saw monkeys in the place, I had a good grip on my bag, they said those monkeys are harmless, but they will sneak around you and grab your things, no not my passport! Haha…

To sum it up! Those were one of the best days of my life!

I hope to see you again SINGAPORE!

THANKS!!

Because I did appreciate your greetings on my birthday, I exerted an effort to keep all those stuffs in here. I’m such a keeper, count on me on that.. hehe.. I’ve done this before, open these links if you want some proof – August 9 2010 and August 9 2011.

Anyway.. Thanks to my officemates who surprised me with these…

Maam May, aimee, maam Anna, Jhonard, Mac, James, Maam Lileth and whoever it may concern… Thank you so much.. I owe  them a treat, maybe after the month of ramadhan.

To my boardmates—ate vicks, Jocelyn, Ate Gemma, Kuya Edgar and our new boarder Trish… Thanks for the good laugh.... and to my bro Gary.

My highscool friends.

 

College friends.

My X officemates and the currents ones.

My childhood friends..

My relatives

My other FaceBook friends..

And those who texted me--- my mom, my sister, my neighbor Ate Vicks and my officemates Lee, Jardine and Allen.

And lastly to the one who almost forgot my birthday (she did forget it actually.. haha), my friend and officemate marj (madam)... thanks to this...

 Once again, thanks for your time! To some, it may not really mean to them, but to me it does. I don’t really celebrate my birthday, I’ve mentioned the reasons on my last year birthday post… and I don’t see getting old deserves a party! Haha, just kidding, I know I must thank God for giving me this life.

Anyway, you guys made August 9 extraordinary, it supposed to be just another usual day to me and I should thank facebook too for reminding the some of you.. hahahah…

No matter what, thanks!