QUEEN SEON DEOK ADDICTION

I WISH I HAVE A GREAT MIND AS THAT OF QUEEN SEON DEOK'S STORY WRITER... A STORY VERY EXCEPTIONAL, INIMITABLE AND FULL OF SENSE... TWIST AND SQUEEZE YOUR MIND FIRST BEFORE YOU'LL GUESS WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT... I LOVE IT .. AND I LOVE BIDAM'S CHARACTER THE MOST...

june30 2010

10:40 am..

watching inauguration of Noy Noy Aquino..

10:26pm

watching DIVA.... thinking about my 3 interviews tomorrow, one at 8am, two at 1 pm-- yes that's conflict, but maybe I'll attend the other one and other one the next day...

I hope something productive would happen tomorrow, not like what had happened last monday-- of course, how could something fruitful would happen last monday when I had 2 interviews I didn't show up (kasi malayo), one interview na hanggang pinto lang ako, pano, I judged the book by it's cover, dahil sa pangit ang pinto, di ako pumasok, and this recruitment office, they referred me into 2 callcenter companies (bakit nman kc callcenter?), I didn't go.

Then yesterday, I had an interview in a company, e praning ata mga yun, why they invited me to attend an interview for Executive assistant????

whatever.. Queen Seon DEok na...

 

;)

1:14 AM.... STILL WONDERING....

A-C-E

... nag-iinarte ba ako???

there was this guy, college schoolmate  (Ace) ng high school classmate (Belle) ko, ang katext ko kanina lang.. we started texting just last tuesday ata.... Belle gave him my number kasi magmemeet daw kaming tatlo as soon as ace arrives here in Manila, mag-aabroad kasi sya..

Eh, si Ace gusto nya sunduin ko sya sa airport at samahan ko sya maghanap ng matutuluyan this sunday... I told him that I would go out with him only when Belle is with us... parang d ata nagustuhan ang sinabi ko at hanggang ngayon, di pa sya nagrereply...

Now?? mali ba ako??? O.A ba yun?.. I dont know him yet... I dont even know his full name!!!! I dont question the possible friendship between as.. but we are not that close pa...

Hmmmm... I'm doing the right thing.. what now?? Diko pa naman sya lubos na kilala right??.. I'ts not that I dont want to help, pero he's still stranger to me..

kaya ace... sorry..

6/25/2010

I'm feeling idle and low today.. let's recapitulate the happenings today to find out what's making me feel dull and weary at this moment.

10am

on my way to SM Megamall to participate in 12th Metro Job Fair, while on the  Jeepney passing and inhaling the pesky and unwanted smell of the Pasig river (I cas say, it's dirtier than Rio Grande, it's just like a big wastewater canal), I had a thought whether something fruitful would gonna happen to me on that Jobfair... then MRT station to Megamall.

People in queue welcomed me, so this crowd is looking for a job, will there be one left for me???

As expected, Call Center Companies are flooding in the area.. When I stepped on to the very place, a girl invited me to apply in their company .... so being confident as I thought, I tried, submitted my resume, and had a very simple interview, just a short introduction of yourself, read a short paragraph and create a story out of a picture.... gosh, I will laugh at myself if I am the interviewer.. I had created a very stupid story!!!!---- So what do I expect???? I fail!!! Shame.. i thought I'm doing right.... I lost all my confidence after that, I want to get out of that place right away.. but I did not... I submitted my resume to the other companies, preliminary interviews and so on.... and now I'm waiting (in vain again??).

12:30pm

I had my lunch at Mc Do...  actually I dont want to eat then, i want to punish myself for such stupidity..  but I realized that eating is another act of stupidity... I'm trying another career path now because I'm not being successful with my profession... but again, flopped!!

1:00pm

While rambling around the mall, I ended up scanning books at the Power Books.. I had a quick reading of Katrina Herrera's (if I remember it right) Dubai.. It';s actually  a sort of her diary when she had her venture in Dubai, searching job.. At first, I was so glad reading her work, she's giving some advices about surviving and living in dubai..you know how much eager i am to be in Dubai as well... but after reading the book, I was a a bit frustrated, she's actually did not find the kind of job she's looking for, she was one of those disillusioned... but she tried working in Afghanistan... well I make it there too??

3:00pm
I left the mall...

8:30 pm
I'm writing this..

LIFE IS NOT A FAIRPLAY, IT ONLY DEPENDS ON HOW YOU DO YOUR FIGHT, AFTERALL, WIN OR LOSE, YOU'LL ALWAYS END UP TO THE FINISH LINE

when waiting is vain

It's unusual finding myself awake at this early, I'm jobless for more than a month now, the thought of it is like my heart being crumpled. Time is swallowing me so fast but I can't do anything about it, whose to blame? my fate?

Or maybe, I did a wrong move and I am being cursed for that.. maybe choosing what would make you happy is not that easy for me.

Do you remember that 3 week deal?? I even extended that, I'm still hoping for an engineering job. I need more experience!! ... but I'm dying! I can't wait anymore!! How will I know that I'm waiting for nothing anyway...?

Or maybe I am being punished for regretting my profession, who will not when you have this kind of fate??? there I go again.. I'm sorry..

So, tomorrow.. whether I like it or not, whether the other side of my heart tells me to be more patient, I must try my luck for a call center job... for survival sake!!!

So that's it.. no one's telling me now what to do... ofcourse, that would be my responsibility.. wish me luck!! oh, I forgot, luck is what I'm lacking... hahahaha.... whatever

The adventure of a desperate fortune finder

ano naman ang adventure dun?? hahaha.. ayus ang title pero ang laman kalokohan lang.. hahaha.. I tried my luck today sa pag-aapply abroad, wala lang magawa. Pinasa ang application sa isang agency, at naglakad pa... Tamang tama ang isang agency na napuntahan ko, my interview ng employer, pagpasok ko dun sa agency na yun, particularly sa engineering section, parang gusto kong mawala bigla.. ang O.A naman, mawala talaga.. kasi naman puros lalake ang mga aplikanteng naandun!!! wat do I expect nga naman... syempre, paeffect na lang, umupo sa isang silya at pinagtiinginan na lahat.... hmmmmm.. praning naman to!!! feeling ko lang ata yun.. hahaha.. Buti na lang, yung isang incharge dun, babae na para bang hinhintay akong mag-inquire... paeffect nanaman kasi ako... lumapit na lang ako at nagtanong.."maam, may hiring din po ba kayo na female engineers?" (hahaha, palakpakan!!!).. Sagot nya, :meron, design engineers, pwede babae, interview ngayon, sa KSA".. pano yan, gusto ko UAE, kasi usually lalake lang nagwowork sa KSA lalo na pag engineering works... tinanggap ko na ang system na ganon, kaya nakaregister na sa utak ko, UAE.... kaya, ayun, walked out ako at umuwi... hahahaha.. walang kwenta noh... ?? sige, manunuod muna ako ng tv... sana end na yung corny at wala ring kwentang "LAST PRINCE"... buti pa ang "DIVA" nakakatuwa... lalo naman ang "QUEEN SEON DEOK" nandun ata ang pinakamamahal kong s BIDAM......

Sige!

The "lost files" is haunting me

.. Here I am again, crying over the spilt milk, after almost 2 weeks I had my laptop fixed due to those viruses that infected it, I had visited the shop where I had it  fixed, I asked them If they had kept a copy of those files I requested them to back up. Unfortunately, they don't have it anymore, blame me, why did I do this just today and not the moment after I had my laptop???

Actually I could remember that they asked me if those were the "only" files I wanted, I said yes without checking that the folder I placed in all those significant files were not as complete as before... (malay ko ba???!!)

I took care of those files for two years, and just like pricked balloon, they're gone.. I feel so zero now, I used those files for my reference,my guide, my memorabilia, my whatevers.... from my important engineering files down to my senseless thoughts,-- estimates, bill of quantities, projects, change orders, work-manpower-equipment schedules, charts, construction method, bidding documents, As-built plans, accomplishments reports, cover letters, request letters, resume, resignation letter, pictures and even my diary!!!---(I'm mentioning it, kase yun na lang ang ala ala ko.. huhu) I regret that I let my sister erased copy of those files when I gave her my USB..

So, what's the use of writing this down?????.. to blow that thought away... save them here and not to myself.... so, "lost files" stop haunting me..... anyway, restoring them is impossible now, but I can l always create and find new (syempre naman! diba??)

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY

You might not know it, but no one can ever take your place as our father... for us, you're the best in the world.... HAPPY FATHER'S DAY AYAH!!!

30 FACTS ABOUT ME

Maybe boredom brought me here, I just had a thought of evaluating myself, this 30 facts about me might not be me in the future, but before I will be transformed into somebody (that, if i will be), at least I had something to look back.. "whatever will be will be, the future's not ours to see"

First 30 that came out of my mind..

As of 4:43pm 6/19/2010

1.      I forgive, but words that hurt me, I never forget

      2.       Sensitive, I hated it, but I am  

      3.       Consistent inconsistent (errr)                      

      4.       I always try to please everybody ( I know it wont happen)

      5.       Easily feeling envious, I’m sorry

      6.       Poor in imagining direction, but always find my way

      7.       It takes me hard time to say NO (to a not totally bad offer)

      8.       Serious and boring (I’m trying not to), but I like funny people

      9.       Asking favors to other people, one of my weaknesses

     10.   Obvious when lying (so, I don’t lie—white lies only)

     11.   Great worrier

     12.   Very poor decision maker

     13.   Ironic loner (I cant explain)

     14.   So drop-dead inlove with Kim Nam Gil's character, BIDAM of QSD

     15.   I hate to admit it, insecure.

     16.   Guts and confidence, I’m struggling for it

     17.   Desperate soulmate finder (without concrete action)

     18.   I don’t usually ask, I’ll find the answer myself (I wasted my time and even got lost many times)

     19.   I don’t choose friends, but only few I can feel comfortable with.

     20.   Reacts late, regrets fast

     21.   I easily feel pity to those unfortunate people I see

     22.   I love crying in sad shows and movies, I find relief in crying

     23.   People who have nothing but act superior, it disgusts me.

     24.   I hate corny and shallow TV shows and movies (but I’m corny sometimes)

     25.   Lost little kittens breaks my heart.. (Little and kittens, is that redundancy?)

     26.   Calculator dependent, ordinary vendor calculates simple arithmetic faster than I could (shame!)

     27.   I love writing, mostly when I’m depressed and bored

    28.   Daydreaming and Imagining my self in "other world”

     29.   Recently, I wished I am a cabin crew and not an engineer (impossible)

     30.   Unjust criticism, it annoys me.

There's so much to write but 30 is too much as well..lol

this would make my life next to perfect

A job ---- in Dubai, 5 years is the maximum

After having a work experience in Dubai, job in my hometown, own a business as well

Earn Money, lots of money and visit different countries and the finale, have pilgrimage in Mecca with my family

Support my not well-to-do relatives, especially my cousins, also those very poor people.

Finding my soul mate… but if he wont come, abovementioned would make me feel fine.

6/18/2010

Dear diary,

How I wish you could answer me, this rants I’m about to say is quite torturing my mind, confusing me and I couldn’t decide what to do.

Time is moving really fast and I’m still unfortunate to find a good job, a job that suites me, a job that don’t resembles to those I declined. You might name me Ms. Picky but I just a want a fulfilling job, oh, I hope you know what I mean.

Now, the ice cream is about to melt, waiting is almost in vain, o, hell, how will I know it will be like waiting in vain.. maybe, because I’m broke! I can’t even afford a food I want to eat. I’m old enough, I shouldn’t be depending on my parents anymore…

So, asking me, what am I waiting? A job that is accessible, a job that could offer me a salary at least affords me a stable living, a job that is absolutely related on my career interest, work experience and education!!

I have this option, work in a call center, accessibility and good salary is in there..  But that would means, I will give up what I sought in college.

Whatever, tell me what to do now..   

ONE STEP CLOSER TO THE EDGE

Napipikon na ako sa kapalaran ko, patience ko unti unti ng nauupos..

If I am trudging the wrong path, then where do you think I'm supposed to be.. o kapalaran ko na talaga ang maging loser??

inis na inis na inis na inis na ako..................

KILL THE RACISTS

.. Aiza told me that AVIDA hired JR.. happy for him but felt so bad for myself... I think AVIDA is a racist, that's so unfair, we are five who submitted application to that compony, they were all invited for an interview except me..... ain't that hurting? why am not qualified even to the interview portion? what is their basis for that.. i hate it so bad...

AT IBANG KLASE MAGLARO ANG TADHANA

An advertisement about cabin crew short course popped out after I posted my blog about cabin crew....
of course, I wont give it a try... lol

FALSE HOPE, IMPOSSIBLE DREAM

After I posted here my thoughts about "regrets", where I did not say much to avoid self pity and anguish caused by this regrets, I switched the web link to my facebook account..

I thought it was a good diversion, to connect and be updated with my friends. But seeing the status of my old classmate in high school made me a little envious. She is a cabin crew in one of the most prestigious airways in the world. Her wall post goes this way, she is bored for having no flight in 3 days and they're not aloud to leave Dubai while waiting for their next flight... if that's boredom to her, then pity me...

Dubai is one of the countries I wish I could go.. Traveling and visiting different places in the world is my most impossible dream.. Suddenly I wished I am a cabin crew and not a civil engineer.. What if this is the kind of job I will find fulfillment,  you know I'm still on the stage of searching what I really want in my life.. but no, it's too late.

This is making me feel so unfortunate... and it made me despise my self for not trying my luck few weeks ago applying for Qatar airways hiring for cabin crew... Fool! I guess I did the right thing, submitting my resume is a waste of time... why give a try when I think I am not qualified.. I maybe tall, but my posture is a no -no, yeah really bad, I'm not even pretty, not confident, being in a plane is  even one of my fears, I am everything a cabin crew doesn't have... so bad.

Why did I not hope for this when I was a child? Maybe I had the chance to prepare myself... maybe I had made myself qualified for it...

Stop!!!!! here I am again, I had promised to see life in it's beautiful side.... okay, so the least I can do now is to cling on the thought that EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON, FOR A PURPOSE..... and what could that possibly be???.... I must wait..

REGRET

Dear diary,

Staying here in this room the whole day made me thought of some random thoughts, or should I say regrets?

Resentment about the career path I chose, the profession I had now, I thought it's cool to become a civil engineer, but  why am I being so hopeless because of this..

Ahhh.. I shouldn't be saying this.. I'm sorry

It doesn't tastes like coke

Having my snack, a stick of banana q, Vanilla Cream filled Cream O and Coze zero..

Happy na sana that coke zero was formulated, para mabawasan naman ang sugar content sa katawan ko, I'm so addicted with softdrinks especially coke, but to my dismay, it doesn't tastes like the regular coke... when you put some ice to it, para lang tubig!!!

These commercials are really deceiving, niloloko lang nila mga costumers, isa pa tong "fastest broadband", globe tattoo na to.... you need to wait 48 years before the website you need opens..

Hopeless

I never thought that Megaworld, a prestigious and remarkabale company would call me the other day inviting me for an interview in one of their project site at Binondo, Manila tomorrow. Of course why would I expect to be qualified when I had a not-so-good performance in their qualifying exam, I was a lil dizzy druing the exam I was not able to concentrate.. grateful, the exam was not that hard I had the chance.

I was so happy receiving the call not realizing the very meager chance of being hired. And now, I realize it, I dont  want to be pessimist here, i just wanna be honest with myself. For sure, there are applicants who are very much deserving and with good scholastic records than I had.

I'm not hoping but still I'll try my luck.

THREE-WEEK DEAL IS OVER

3:30pm June 11, 2010
 
Is this dejavu? It's happening again, the only difference is.. I'm not gonna pick it this time.. And what could that be? The three weeks limit of finding a civil engineering job.. (Blame this to those remarkable companies very late response)

The last time i got my self involved with this kind of deal with myself was about four months ago.. that's a deal where in I will apply into a call center if not hired in any job in line with my profession after 21 days.

I was hired on my most recent job on the last working day of my three week limit. I grabbed it because the truth is I want my profession be nourished...

Well, that job I got was not really that fulfilling I found myself looking for another this time.  And this very day is exactly three weeks after my resignation.

I had a job offering this morning but I didn't accept it yet. I thought it was a good opportunity knowing the working place  is just a short ride from our boarding house, and the salary is quiet higher than the previous one.

I'm kinda guilty now for declining it. Am I just being so picky? This  can be a sign that I must accept it... but why I'm not??!!

So hear me, why do I let this chance skid away.. First thing, the aura of the working place itself, it looks so weary and unorganized. And where are the other employees?? This not-so-professional looking guy is the "only" person I saw and welcomed me there, the same person who also received my application last Monday (actually he's not even accomodating). I didn't dare to ask what's his position there, I just kept on guessing.... receptionist? Telephone operator? Clerk? Secretary? Purchasing Officer? Body guard??.. hahaha.. And I might even mistaken him as the boss if this Chinese looking, middle aged man didn't arrive.

So, I had the interview and technical exam thru their outmoded computer... so glad that's working.. The boss is actually a combination of ironic personalities.. kind and arrogant.. considerate and strict.. I found his words conceited but honest.. whatever!!!

That's it.. do you think I'm gonna refuse to this again?? I told the man that I'll be sending him a text message till tomorrow regarding my decision on this "office engineer" position he's offering..

I think I will say NO...  thanks and sorry..

ZERO HOUR

Time is up! Whether I like it or not, I must extend the limits of my career. I'm quiet upset that I might not be able to perform my duties as civil engineer for now, I still have long way to run before I'll become  a fulfilled and full pledged one, but I'm not fortunate enough to take this career path, maybe not now. You know I've tried my patience, but there are many opportunities that require not this title.. and who knows, I belong there.

Of course, I dont declare dead end on m real profession, I'm just opening another career path. I'll still be waiting.. I must trudge another trail first.

star "K.N.G"

You are the star in my darkest night

Seeing you from afar

is my way of keeping you

I dont wish you fall for me

Coz I know you can't

Your place is where you're supposed to be

And so I am, --- here

Tha pain knowing you not knowing me,

can break me, but I'll be fine

The sparks I see from above,

is Enough to complete the broken me...

 

delinquent

Am I being delinquent ba?.. or hindi naman, Siguro naman, I have the right to choose where and what kind of job I want to get involve with.. If you're to tell me that wag mag-inarte, crisis ngayon, then back off!!! hahaha.. ofcourse, Im considering that fact naman.

i had an interview sana at this site kanina, Bagong Ilog, Pasig City, it's kinda hard to locate nga and I'm not that interseted naman, kaya, I didn't go.


This 2pm, i had an scheduled interview rin at the site below, that's in Maginhawa Street, Q.C, near UP Diliman.. at wala rin akong planong pumunta gaya ng hindi ko pagsipot sa interview ko rin sana kahapon, malapit din jan, Malakas St... at nung mga nakaraang araw pa.




And just a while ago, I received a call inviting me to attend a qualifying exam, Libis, Q.C.. Same thing, i dont intend to go.


Ayun!
Bakit ganon, those who response on my applications are those whom I'm not interested..???
Syempre, I consider the accessibility and also the job title itself... and the benefits I can get ofcorse.. It's not that I'm being effortless, i pasted nga the maps here to show that I gave time to this possible opportunities... accessibility pa lang.. X na.. I'm sorry but relocation is not an option for me now..

Sige, patience pa..

news

"MANILA, Philippines - A driver delivering P300,000 payroll in Parañaque City was shot dead by two men using Uzi sub-machine guns Saturday, police said yesterday.

Senior Police Officer 1 (SPO1) Allan Aurelio said Deo Salazar, who worked as a driver and timekeeper at the warehouse of the Multi Development Construction Corporation (MDCC) at the Lopez Compound on Quirino Avenue in Barangay Tambo, Paranaque, sustained bullet wounds in different parts of the body. 

Salazar’s companions Relah Nava, 28, MDCC’s human resource assistant and civil engineer Arriane Barcenas, 23, were unhurt.

Police said Salazar was driving a Starex van out of the main gate of the MDCC warehouse when the suspects blocked their path, shot him, then took the money from his companions.

The robbers fled on a motorcycle. Police are still trying to identify the robbers"


...This actually a sign that I made a right decision from resigning to that company... I told you, it's not safe there!

lack of luck

11:30pm June 8, 2010

 I hope I know where to burst out this irritation I am feeling right now.. When everything going on is against what you want to happen… I want to break something; I want to shout out loud, I want someone to blame.. I’m really trying my patience at this very moment… everything is muddled, busted and wasted.

My job applications, I think they are all rejecting me!

My ring, I pawned it because I can no longer dare ask money for my parents (though they’re sending me tomorrow), I’m broke!

My hair! Yes my hair, I don’t see any difference after allowing that stupid  gay treated my hair with what he called super gloss..  

The damned viruses on my laptop!

My important files were eradicated after having this “reformat thing on my computer”.

And this super slow internet connection… I think it would going to be a lifetime waiting..

                                                                

Ahhhhhhhh…  

MUST ENDURE THIS EXCRUCIATING ATTACK OF EMOTIONAL AND MENTAL ANGUISH.......LEST WITHER IN DESPAIR

eemote nnman

yes... those who do not know what they want in life suffers... maybe that's why i'm suffering.. ahah

 right now, i really want to go to dubai...

right now, i want to see my self acclaimed soulmate.. si Bi Dam (kim nam gil)

SCHOOL AGAIN??

..I just received a text from my parents telling me to enroll a masteral course...

no way... I'm so fed up with schooling.. hahaha...

What shall I do????